


Eyes Wide Open

by AL23



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Super Sons (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Hallucinogens, M/M, Rough Sex, Soulmates, Suicide, Unreliable Narrator, Witchcraft, black magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 62,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23569648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AL23/pseuds/AL23
Summary: Jon Kent was never a regular boy. Due to drug addictions as a teenager, hallucinations and anxiety, he was never able to have a real life, in fact it's really far from real.He finds his motivation when he meets Damian Wayne, who helps him to solve all the mysteries surrounding his father. But these mysteries bring things they weren't expecting at all, taking them to a search that will bring more questions than answers.Will they be able to track down the serial killer terrorizing Gotham? Will Jon, amidst all his investigation, be able to keep his sanity? Or is all of this only a lie created by his sick mind?
Relationships: Jonathan Kent/Damian Wayne, Jonathan Samuel Kent/Damian Wayne
Comments: 29
Kudos: 38





	1. Tears Palace

**Author's Note:**

> It was originally written in Portuguese, so there may be translation errors here and there because of some hard to translate terms.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it

**1**

Somehow, I knew it wasn’t right. I didn’t like the new city instantly, I didn’t like the new house, I hated the wallpaper, I hated the furniture made by my mother, and I have mainly hated the fact that she erased all the remains of my recently deceased father. Somehow I knew it wasn’t me, I felt something was actually wrong.

  
Maybe it was the feeling of being watched that I felt in that exact moment, maybe it was because I heard my window opening seconds ago, the sound of breathing that made my heart beat faster. Maybe it was a dream, or another hallucination of mine. I was longing for being inside a nightmare, a nightmare that seemed eternal, its horrors filling me gradually like if thorns were growing inside my body, anxiety burning in my skin and in my mind like hot iron.

  
I heard something moving, its steps were making noise in the recently put carpet. I did really hate that colour, that texture. Fear was bursting inside me and it won’t let me sleep, or awake, who knows. The steps were getting far away, and I let my respiration looser.

**2**

My eyes were extremely heavy, and I knew there were really big dark circles below my eyes, like if I was punched in the face. The coffee sippy cup in my hand had already got cold long ago, I was so lost in last night’s daydreams that I didn’t realize time passing. My mother, Lois Lane, left early again, once again she didn’t left a note for me, like she used to do every morning before daddy’s death. I think I need a good cold shower, since I already took all my morning pills and fixed my bag, and even after two weeks at the new school, I’m still not used to anything, so I have opted going earlier every day to locate myself and not get late. I didn’t hesitate to finish the coffee at once.  
Our new apartment was really depressive, with the monochromatic colours of the wallpapers that my mother put, there’s no contrast, there’s no hot colours or the “home sweet home” feeling. It was just something cold, even the furniture was extremely white. I went by the minuscule room and I took a look at the mirror. Messy black hair, lifeless blue eyes, dark circles below my eyes... I wasn't the same joyous person as before, before the sickness came. My addiction ruined completely that happy Jon that people said I was, to be more specific, the substance abuse, heavy drugs, I was so addicted that even after an intensive rehab process, there's still some collaterals, like extreme paranoia, almost schizophrenia, because I have hallucinations now and then.

  
I sighed and looked at the windows by my side, the day was completely foggy and there was even a light mist covering the town, I hardly could see the nearby buildings, everything that remained were silhouettes, really scary silhouettes.  
The city was also depressive out there. I got rid of the social phobia a few time ago, but the extreme shyness remained, so I'm going to start to visit Dr. Beverly Manson to treat this, it was hard to left the last psychiatrist behind, but I was obliged to do so. Time seemed to pass slower to me, I didn't had a lot of friends before, and I don't expect to have now, but lately someone has getting my attention.

Everyone is covered by big wool jackets, hats in their heads and using thick boots. I'm wearing a pair of red boots that my mother bought last year in our trip to Canada, I was still using my pair of enormous socks that had the planets of the universe sewed in it. My bright jeans were slightly raised, but my skin wasn't exposed, because the socks covered it. I was also wearing my red wool jacket that was covering my Silent Hill shirt.  
The way to the school was short, that's why I always went on foot. I went by a few restaurants, great art galleries... I lowered the music, I think that people could hear that coming from my white earphones, then I was again walking silently with the hands in my pocket.

  
_I'm giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my love_

I was lowly humming the song. The clouds up there were so greyish that I feared a huge storm was coming.

_Needing you now to come into me_  
_Feeling it slow, over this dream_  
_Touch me with a kiss_  
_Feel me on your lips_

Then the school was in my sight, not a very cheerful sight, but since I was forced, I hurried to at least make the day go faster. I went by a street lamp that had some big, yellow paper with someone's face and a few things written. I didn't care, if it was someone missing or not, it wasn't my problem.

  
_I'm giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my love_  
_Giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my_  
_Giving you all my love_

I was humming the last bits of the song. I was crazy to get into the classroom and finish the 80 cents romance that I bought in a fast sale that a broken library was doing in this city. A simple romance called One Man Guy, a love story between two boys of extremely different worlds.  
When I enter the school, I take the information paper from my bag that shows the hours and the classes' locations, my eyes read the entire paper fast enough. Math. To kick the day with some charm.

I even got lost while looking for the math classroom, but I managed to find it before the class started, and the majority of the teenagers arrived after me. I have recognized some faces, mainly Kathy Branden, a blonde girl and of bright eyes that guided me in my first days here.

  
She waved when she saw me, I waved back and then she took a sit close to her friends. Between some people, there was Damian Wayne, he was the one getting my attention. The first time that I met him, it was when I sat by his side in the cafeteria on lunch time, it was the first and last time that I saw him eating there, one of the first things that I have noticed in him was his emerald green eyes.

  
The second time, I was lost in school again, my extra chemistry time was like a burden in my mind, he showed up and then looked deep into my eyes, called me a baka and said that I was right in front of the class. I swear I didn't see it.

  
We sat together in that class. Me and him. When he wanted to show up.

  
In the third and last time, I was in the football grandstand, he sat by my side and said that it was as boring as all hell. By the end of the day, he convinced me to smoke with him in the school's back area. It was my first and last time, funny that this who's saying was consuming 5 different types of hallucinogens every morning.  
After that, I never spoke to him again, or even came near him.

  
But there was him, sitting in the first row, not making any effort to show that he's better or cleverer than the other 20 people in this classroom.  
His black sweater was contrasting with his tan skin, the way his hair seemed perfectly cut was ridiculous, and the way how I felt inferior when he was around, even being taller than him was also humiliating.

  
My attention was taken by the teacher, Mrs. Hartford started her class. While I was getting ready to write down whenever she was going to write in the chalkboard, my attention was taken by the girl on my side.

  
Katarina Bengtsson was glaring me with a malicious look. She's Kathy's best friend. She glares and then starts to do sexual signs.  
I look the other way. What does this mean?

The best moment of the day was the lunch time, because I sat lonely, eating any junk that they would be serving and finishing a gay romance. My earphones were at maximum volume.

  
_I don't want no lunchbox friends, no oh_  
_I want someone who understands, oh oh_  
_Come to my house, let's die together_

_Friendship that would last forever, no oh_

Melanie Martinez was almost shouting in my ears while I was putting all my expectations into the first kissing scene of theirs. My heart was beating faster on each word that I read, I was even forgetting about the reality around me, replacing it for the necessity to dissect every feeling of the two characters.

"But now, that I kissed you, I want to be a faithful man the way that Rufus meant. And I know that's a novelty for you, that you may not want to take a compromise right now, but that's the only way I have to jump on that boat. With me, it's all or nothing."

When will I meet my Ethan?  
I was going on with my reading until I noticed that someone sat by my side. Turned my head and I saw Damian Wayne right on my side. Then, other people sat there. Kathy, Katarina and a red haired boy which name I didn't know.

  
\- Hi, Jon! - Kathy gave me a joyous smile. Her bracelets rattled in the moment, she said something else but I didn't understand until I took off the earphones, Melanie's voice got far away and that bothered me, whom they think they are to sit here suddenly and like that?

  
\- Hi. - I answered, trying to make it clear that I wanted them to leave.

  
I looked around, almost no one else was lunching in the school that day, so they could have take a sit anywhere else.

  
\- Be polite, Damian! - She glared at him, the girl by his side smirked, her black curly hair were all over her face.

  
\- What's up? - He coldly saluted me. How dare him to sit at my side and not even speak straight to me? Specially making it look like it was the first time we were speaking? I was starting to want to puke.

  
I tried to ignore them, setting my attention again on my book and getting ready to put my earphones back.

  
\- So - The red haired boy spoke. - My name is Colin.

  
He, inverse of Damian, looked more friendly, but I didn't bother to answer, I was just staring at them with an expression how unbelievable I thought their attitude was, but I think they just decided to calmly ignore me.

  
\- We have chemistry together. - Colin added, and went back to his silence.

  
I was taking close attention to their clothes' details. He was wearing a Big greyish jacket, the sleeves were white, it had weird symbols, but I decided to not stare to not seem rude like the black haired boy on my side. I took a quick look at him, but I widened my eyes when I saw he was looking at me. I tried to quickly deviate my eyes to my food, and try to pretend this shame didn't happened.

  
\- So, Jon, do you have any sexual partner? - The blonde one asked me while taking a bite at a bright red apple.

  
I didn't know how exactly to react, so I let a straightforward "no" exit from my lips and then I was hiding my face in my book. The words practically flew into my face, I knew I wouldn't concentrate like before.

  
\- A girlfriend? - She asked, no hesitation in her voice.

  
I gave up on trying to read and just closed my book, putting it carefully in my lap.

\- No. - I answered. Katarina was still staring at me, this time she was with a hard expression in her face. What's wrong with these people?  
I noticed something red in the corner of her lips.

  
\- A boyfriend? - Damian meant something making symbols with his fingers, too quick to me to understand what he was trying to say.  
We looked at each other, and then I started to feel incredibly sick.

  
\- No. Why the hell do you guys want to know that?

  
Kathy maliciously smiled and was still eating her apple. I looked at Katarina again and then my eyes widened again when I saw that there was blood in her mouth, but she was reactionless.

  
The cafeteria around me started to distort itself.

  
**Not again.**  
**_Please!_ **  
**_Not again!_ **

  
Thick tears started to come out of my eyes, beyond the distortion, I couldn't see anything there but my father choking in his own blood there, sitting in my front and nobody even caring about that, or was it just me that saw that?

  
I grabbed Damian's hand unknowingly, the puke was almost coming out, so I had to swallow it again.

  
\- Are you ok? - I heard Damian's voice far away, but I only put my head in his shoulder and shut my eyes.

  
**Go away go away go away**  
**You're not real!**

I didn't had the faintest idea of how I should even look at them after that, after my little panic attack, that went by really fast, I was going to the bathroom, I mean, almost running into the bathroom. I left my things in the table without thinking twice and I knew that later I would regret like hell, but now I just wanted to found a way to put that pain out.

  
There wasn't one single living soul in the bathroom, so I shut the door quickly while I let the first hiccups out. The walls and the floor were extremely white and it was too nauseating.

  
\- No… no… no - I was shouting with a broke voice because of the catarrh and puke stuck in my throat. - Noooo

  
I was getting out of air and I felt like I was about to faint at any time. I lost my balance and I fell into the plain floor, it smelled like lemon, they just cleaned it. My tears were running uncontrollably through my face along with my saliva and something else that was weird.

  
My throat was closing itself and my hands were shaking. My father's face invaded my memories again, shrieking with pain while he was burning alive.

  
\- Keep calm, Jon. Focus on me. - I heard Damian's voice and then I felt his arms holding me. I couldn't see him, but I didn't really wanted to see, I didn't want to humiliate me even more.

  
I felt he was coming closer to my ear, whispering. - Take a deep breath.

  
I was holding him closer, holding his back. I couldn't stop crying, but I tried to do what he said anyway.

  
The smell of burnt meat.

  
The black spots were getting more visible and stronger, and the unconscious feeling growing...

  
Burnt meat


	2. Maze of Lies

**Chapter 2 - Maze of Lies**

I opened my eyes, my head was burning lightly and my vision was adapting to the weak light. For a second, I couldn't remember where I was, but then it clicked, I don't know where I am. I blinked my eyes a lot of times until I could see all without difficulty.

\- Jonathan Kent? - I looked at my side and there was a nurse. She was tall and had thick glasses in her face, and she seemed to carefully examine me with her eyes. - You had a panic attack earlier, do you feel pain anywhere?

I looked around, the windows were showing the red sun of the late afternoon. There was a big glass wardrobe with a variety of medicines and needles. There were three more stretchers there, all of them empty. The loneliness was suffocating.

\- A little... in the head. - I answered with a tired voice.

\- That's regular, I had already shot you with some medicine, it's gonna vanish soon enough! - She answered smiling. - Classes are already ending then you don't need to ask authorization to go home. - She finished saying, giving me room to get up.

I tried with a certain difficulty, my arms were still kinda weak, but at least I wasn't shaking like if I was made of gelly.  
\- Your friend left you and your stuff here. - It was then that I saw the black backpack there. Damian left my stuff here? Damian looked through my stuff? I blushed on the thought. Now I would have to avoid him for the rest of my life. At least it wasn't one of my hentai that he saw.   
Thing is: I don't even want to look at his face again, for the rest of my life. I had a panic attack right in his front, the most humiliating way there could be and he looked through my stuff.  
I took my backpack and put it on my back.  
\- I warned your mother about the attack.  
My heart came to my throttle. That would mean more hysteria for her and more medicine for me. I didn't had a session with Beverly today, so I hope that she forgets about my attack until Friday. I got up and I felt a light pain in my ankles, almost lost balance again.  
\- Alright. = I spoke for the last time and I took a walk to the exit. The halls were weird for me, I mean, if it was the same wing where the cafeteria is, which probably isn't.  
I was walking through the halls and I noticed that were a few clubs there, the theatre club, chess club and one which I couldn't identify. There were walls with warnings and other stuff. I made it through the hall and then I was going down the stairway. More halls that seemed endless. One of the white lights tilted. The door in the end of the hall was semi-open and I couldn't see what was there.  
I went through a wall and I could see there was a map there, close to the rights of the immigrant students. I took a quick look through the map, there was a huge red point that showed where I was, or better, where the map should be.

\- What the fuck... - I murmured while trying to remember the endless halls that would take me out of this infinity labyrinth. I had to cross hall five and take two elevators that would take me to the front of the gym, and so I would leave.  
These people must have a thing for enormous places.  
I sighed, already feeling physically and mentally tired. When I turned to the door by the end of the hall, I almost stumbled into a very young janitor. The white was still tilted.  
\- Watch out, boy. - The raspy voice said while he was grabbing my shoulders. I was startled and slapped his hand off my shoulder and started walking fast without looking back.  
What was that?  
My shoulder was still itching.   
I gulped while the tears were getting ready to come once again.  


It was a miracle that I didn't lose myself this time, I think that I'm finally adapting myself. I don't know where it was supposed to be the gym, but I am in an open field nearby a building I recognized as the library. The view of the city gave me some chills, making me remember all the bad stuff that happened until we got here. I took a deep breath.  
\- Hello! - I turned my head lightly to the side and I saw the librarian. Violet Hårga was a young woman, big blonde hair and beautiful green eyes, which reminded of Damian's eyes. But it was completely different. - Are you going home?  
\- Yes, I had a fever on lunch time. - I gave her an embarassed smile.

She stopped on front of me and she put her hand on my shoulder.  
\- Oh, poor little one. What happened? Don't tell me that you swallowed without chewing. - There was some warmth in her voice. It was all I needed in a week so hard like that one. It reminded me of Henry, my last psychiatrist, he managed to read me like a book.

\- Nope, I just... had a few bad memories. - She frowned, understanding where I came from with such a vague information.  
\- I understand. Well, I hope you're better now.  
I smiled and went.  
\- Just take care out there. There's a criminal on the loose.  
I stopped. I widened my eyes open and looked at her over my shoulder  
\- Criminal?  
\- A runaway, darling. - She smiled and went her way.  
Runaway?

It was then that I recalled the Wanted warning I saw earlier, thinking about it actually, I should have paid attention to it before. So I made my way into my building.  
To cross the streets was the hardest thing in that town, looks like there's more cars than people. The world around me was completely greyish and one sided. I thought about calling my mother to warn her that I going to arrive earlier, but she was probably out of the apartment anyway.

I was right. She wasn't anywhere in the apartment, I didn't even had the slightest idea where she is now and sincerely, I'd rather not getting involved. I sat on the coach and turned the TV on. I was hoping to find anything in news channel of the city, but I ended up founding a old man's photography, almost old in a second face analysis. My heart was beating faster, he was weirdly familiar to me, I was trying to link him to someone known, not from Gotham of course. The bad lighting on the room was increasing the danger feeling that was growing inside of me and that was getting just bigger and bigger.  
\- Richard Palmer, widely known as Eyes Thief, escaped maximum security prison last weekend. Authorities believe that he may be hiding in Gotham City.  
Someone else's picture went on the screen. It was his picture along some other people that got cut, he had black hair and blue eyes, and a big smile. He looked very light and happy in that picture.  
\- Richard Grayson, went missing in November 2018. His body was found in a shallow grave on the municipal park. His eyes were taken from his face, but his face was extremely preserved and had make up.

It sent shivers down my spine. Some girl's picture came, long and black hair, I don't know if it was me but it seemed to had shades of purple, she didn't smile and it was a schoolbook picture. There were dark cicles below her eyes and a tired look.  
\- Rachel Roth. Went missing in Christmas 2018, mysteriously inside her own house. She was found in the front of the Aster Museum with the same characteristics as Richard.

I rubbed my forehead, I didn't want to picture it all with all the possible details, but my mind isn't really a friend in this case. The empty eye orbs, the doll face. But why to take the eyes?  
\- Selina Kyle…

My concentration was broken when I heard the apartment's door open and shut quickly. I turned my head and saw my mother with a lot of bags on her hands, those were almost transparent bags, so I could easily guess what was inside those bags. There was something that resembled fancy masks and black capes. So my attention was taken by the woman and it was then that I noticed her red hair.  
\- I painted them this morning, do you like it? - She questioned me in a fake British accent but so authentic at the same time. I was speechless for a moment, the journalist's voice was far away again.  
\- Ahnn... yeah. - I answered.  
\- Are you ready? - She asked walking through the apartment and left the bags in any unocuppied superficie. - My dress will arrive three hours from now and I still didn't even plan the make-up.  
\- i beg your pardon; for what?  
She stopped, looking at me. Her look was extremely melodramatic and it made me feel guilty.

\- To the party at Wayne mansion, of course! - She looked for something in a blue bag and then handed it to me.

It was an invitation for Wayneball, made especially for Lois Lane and guests. The words were so cursives and golden that it made my self esteem low in a ridiculous way. That invitation was obviously hand-made, which surprised me even more.

\- What a tragedy! Don't watch this crap, Jon, this will give you low vibes! - She spoked, changing channels, putting it on a kid's channel. - Now that's something appropriate for your age.

I glared offended at her. - You didn't warned me about this party! - I yelled with the perfect invitation in my hands. Even the soft texture of the red paper felt like rich. I don't know who is this family, probably friends of my mother. - Are those your friends?

\- Friends of your father. Never saw them in my life! - She said in a dramatic way. - Your clothes are in one of these bags. I hope I bought the ideal size. - She took a spin through the room, showing me her fancy red dress that she bought and then went to her room. I frowned. Was it part of the mourning?  
  


The cold water was slipping through my white body, I was analyzing my body in the mirror, don't think I'll need to shave my pubic hair this month, they take a time to grow. The yellowy light of the bathroom was raising the illusion that I had a perfect ass in the mirror, but don't know, maybe I do. I was putting my green apple body cream, feeling all my parts softly hot, I finished putting it on my arms and take a last look on the mirror: -You're perfect.

I chose a old dark blazer instead of the suit she bought me and a black jeans. I finished dressing when I took my pills, they took a hard journey through my throttle, no matter how many glasses of water I took. I was listening to some random playlist on Spotify in my room, only waiting for my mother's signal when she was ready to go. My own bedroom had a morbid decoration. Only a bed, a writing desk with a newly bought Notebook and never used by the way, and a filled bookcase. I put my head on my pillow, allowing my thoughts to fly away and it didn't take long to think about Damian.

Wayne. Bruce Wayne.

Would Damian be in the party? If he was, I hope that he doesn't notice me at all, or recognize me, but at the same time I was longing for him to be there, I was longing for him to notice me, that he touched in all the parts of my body. I couldn't feel dirty thinking about him that way, with Damian it's all so different and unique. But I knew that once I arrived there, and if he was there, I would only feel ashamed. I shut my eyes tightly. No, I should avoid to think about this, I needed to...

Teck  
I wideney my eyes and quickly got up when I heard that sudden noise in my closet. I was staring the semi-open door of it for a time, until I heard the noise again.  
Teck

Two beats. My heart was beating faster. I was still staring the darkness that the little hole allowed me to see through. Suddenly, everything around me started to distort.

No! No! No!

I tried to recall Henry's words about controlling my respiration and wouldn't allow that to come back. I shut my eyes again. The retching showed up again, my father's shrieks invaded my mind, it felt caught in a web that was just growing around me.

take a deep breath

For some reason, Damian's voice came to mind, when he helped me earlier. I repeated the process for a long time that I didn't even notice someone shaking my shoulders. I wide opened my eyes and saw my mother in front of me, giving a glare.

\- Are you alright, honey? - She was still emulating the British accent, this time it was better, as if she spent the whole afternoon practicing in front of the mirror. Her red hair were getting curly, her make up was perfect, which was weird, because a few time ago she didn't even know how to use lipstick. She was wearing a shining and golden dress, and a diamond collar. I took a look around, confused.

\- Y-yeah. Is it time to go?

\- We are late, actually. - She left my room quickly and went through my closet, quickly shutting the door. Carousel was playing now, one of my favourites from Melanie's debut album, but unhappily I had to go. - Luckily we don't live far.  
  


The gothic mansion was enormous, that place's architecture was simply fantastic and beautiful, each detail carefully thought. Every light of the house was on, as you can seethrough all the windows. The mansion was shining in the dark woods.

\- Kom med mig

My attention was taken by my mother; she was whispering something by my side. I looked at her and frowned. She had her eyes shut.

\- Vägled mig

\- Mother? I called her coming closer this time. She opened her eyes startled and was still driving as if nothing had happened.

Two tall men were on each side of the gate taken by poison ivy, a snake was carved in the gate. They seemed to recognize her, because they didn't ask nothing. There were a lot of fancy cars parked nearby a huge fountain in the front of the mansion.

\- Daddy never mentioned this man in his life. - I spoke to her, never heard about the Waynes before, but now everything seemed to happen suddenly.

\- Well, he had a lot of secrets. - She said, smiling, and then left the car.

A lot of secrets? Which secrets was she talking about?

I stared at my own hands. I was pondering if I knew my own father.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have enjoyed the chapter. All the mysteries around Jon's life.  
> Also, follow me on Instagram ; )  
> @trashmouth_boy


	3. The Others

\- I haven't seen your husband in ages, Lois, how is him? - A fancy red haired woman greeted her, giving her a tight hug. She was wearing a long green dress.

  
\- Dead. - She faked a cry hiccup, but she knew how to act, so everyone fell for her. - It was so recent, Pamela... but now, my therapist is helping me to handle the mourning.

  
\- That's terrible, I can't even imagine your pain... and neither, yours. - She suddenly hugged me, also tightly, as if we'd known each other for long. She smelled like flowers, specific flowers that I couldn't identify.

  
And then, more people showed up to greet us in the middle of the way, most of them just spoke to my mother and completely ignored my existence, for a second I even believed that I was invisible. But a man in special, James Gordon, did the opposite, completely ignoring her existence and speaking about how father loved us. 

  
\- He really loved and worried about you two. But shit happens, and we gotta be ready to handle them. - His words really moved me like if I cared about those usual talk. - But don't get in despair - He stared at me, those thick glasses in his face. - You inherited a lot from him.

  
And then he went away, as if nothing had just happened, taking a glass of wine from a red haired girl.

  
\- Barbara, have you met Lois and Jon?

  
\- Don't think so - She said, smiling gently while greeted us. Her eyelids were extremely fake, but I didn't said anything about this, on the other hand, her make up was really fine.

  
Jim and Lois started talking deeply and eccentrically about his career as a police officer, I found out that he's a vastly famous criminal detective in town, and that we was looking for Richard Palmer. Me and Barbara are extremely uncomfortable.

  
\- Do you want a drink? - She offered me, smiling again.

  
I tried to smile.

  
\- Could do.

  
But I faintly sighed because of my failed try.

  
We walked through the huge party hall, going through a lot of well-dressed people, I saw a woman that I swear was dressed like a bride. There was a table with a lot of glasses of wine, and also of different drinks.

  
When I looked at my side, Barbara was stuck in the crowd, speaking with a group of women. She looked at me with a expression that said: I'm sorry.

  
\- _Vägled mig_ \- I heard a light whisper behind me. A tall, black girl was glaring at me, she was wearing a beautiful red dress. By her side, a girl that possibly was her identical twin, only this one was wearing a blue dress.

  
\- Have we met? - The blue one was coming closer, and offered me a glass of wine that was in her hand.

  
I took it.

  
\- Don't think so. - I answered, hesitating a few seconds before taking a sip.

  
\- You can call me Julia. - Then she smiled to me. - This is my sister, Janet. - The girl, that seemed to be the shy sister, smiled to me.

  
I take another sip. It tasted like wine mixed with something else, maybe they mixed it with another drink, since they took glasses with similarly coloured liquids right after.  
Julia grabbed my left arm and Janet, the right one, and they guided me to the middle of the party hall.

  
\- Tell me, Jon, have you felt like you were walking in soft little clouds? - I had this feeling so many times I lost count. The feeling of being some planet else was addictive.

  
\- I feel like I'm doing it right now. - I answered when some people around me started to get distorted, but soon they got back to normal.

  
I couldn't rationalize right that moment. Do they... put something in my drink?

  
\- Where are we going? - I asked, a little dizzy, while everything around me was only getting more and more distorted.

  
There were flower vases in some tables, the vases were getting smaller and the flowers seemed to be breathing. The pulsation in its delicate petals were hypnotizing me. The cold colours were becoming hot and vibrant in a second look.

  
\- To the rainbow's end, darling. 

  
A lot of people were walking like ghosts besides me, I could hardly differentiate any faces, just my mother's, Barbara taking a smile to a unfunny joke, Gordon looking at me and complaining about something to some other man.

  
- _His senses are affected. His father, recently murdered..._

  
Jon widened his blue eyes open, his eye pupils extremely dilated. Murdered?

  
The boy was still recognizing some people... Pamela talking privately with a blonde woman. Lois again, Kathy and Katarina, Richard Palmer staring at me and licking his teeth.  
Wait!  
 _Richard Palmer?_

  
The twins didn't let me think about it when they kissed my cheeks and mentioned a secret room in the mansion.

  
\- Girls... _what's happening?_ \- I hesitantly asked and felt my skin burning.

  
Julia maliciously smiled and dropped me, putting herself in front of me as if she was going to kiss me.

  
\- _Vägled mig_ \- She whispered and before I could think about it, she clapped her hands near my face.

  
That was enough to make me collapse, everything around me vanished, Janet and Julia were becoming distant shadows, I couldn't even hear anymore what they were saying, if they were saying something. My madness couldn't be summed up in words, I took more than the allowed in my daily medicine doses tonight, but simply it didn't seemed to solve anything, next time would I have to take them all?

  
It was then that I felt his warm embrace. _Damian._

  
We are in a completely empty room. There were a few pictures in the wall, in one of those I recognized Richard Grayson. I didn't know if the effect was over yet, I didn't even know where I was, I felt like I was stepping on air, there was no floor for me, there was nothing else.

  
I laid myself in the arms of the unknown person that I judged to be Damian, my hard breath on his tan shoulders, what the hell was I doing? What have I become, my sweetest friend?!

  
\- What happened? - I asked confused, looking everywhere. Where was the crowd? All those fancy, annoying people?

  
The furniture was morbid as hell. Darker shades everywhere, the light was hot and yellowish, there was a huge leather coach in the middle of the room, a table with runes carved in it and a few open books.

  
There were huge bookshelves, showing thick books, I could read a title: "Ancient Furthark."

  
\- You completely blacked out. - He answered looking in my eyes. I couldn't really look at those green emerald eyes for long, looked like he wanted to penetrate in my soul.

  
\- I... blacked out?

  
\- Nope, dumbass. You were in another world, when I found you, you won't even answer any of my questions properly... too good nobody even noticed you were high.

  
That directly hit me. I really needed to increase my meds' doses, and it looked like I was right, the twins put something in my drink.

  
\- The twins... they... - I was trying to explain, but without looking directly at him, I knew I would be even more nervous and then stutter.

  
\- Which twins? - I felt his fingers in my chin, forcing me to look at his eyes.

  
\- Julia and Janet... - And I deviated to look at his clothes. A black smoking with a butterfly tie, he was dressed so fancifully that I was asking myself why he was losing time with me.

  
\- _Who?_ \- He looked at me as if I was a kid telling lies, and that left me so impotent that I felt tears burning my eyes again. - Nope! Please no, don't start to cry again.

  
\- I am... _I'm just so confused!_ \- The things around me were shaking again, but in a distorted way. The heat in my body, gosh, that was just increasing, I could feel myself blushing at any moment.

  
But he subtly grabbed my hips and guided me to the leather couch. It was like sitting in clouds, I couldn't feel absolutely nothing, my body seemed to be in ecstasy, and I needed to leave this house now.

  
\- I just... need to go home... I don't want to cause any trouble. - I looked at him, he was still standing in front of me, but he was still with a enigmatic expression in his face. - Please.

  
\- Nope. - He cut me. - Stay there. - You could feel in his voice he was not asking, but imposing me to do so. But I really think his intention was not to ask.

  
I didn't saw where the hell we went, I was only trying to shuffle my memory from things that happened minutes ago... I could only remember drinking that wine, at least I think it was wine, offered by the twins, and then everything vanishes.

But why was Damian keeping me here if he could go back to the ball?

  
I wasn't brave enough to ask. I looked up, there was a huge picture hanged on the wall, a serious, cold man. Short black hair, blue eyes... he was wearing a black suit.

  
\- Who is him? - I pointed at the picture, not sure if Damian heard my question.

  
\- My father. Bruce. - After his answer, a song started playing. It was a familiar, I knew it... was it Ängie?

**Come on, baby, let me make you feel good**   
**I know I'm just a project, baby, from the hood**   
**You know that I think that you are really cool**   
**Just wanna take a dip in to your swimming pool**

Yeah. Surely Ängie.

  
\- Since you made lose a party down there, let's make our own here. - He grabbed my arms, making me sit in the couch, but whatever, it's not like I was feeling something anyways, I couldn't even feel his touch. - Why are you blushed?

  
\- I don't know what you're thinking about... - I was looking at the floor while he tried to dance with me.

**So listen to me close, I'll tell you real slow**   
**My number one rule is to go with the flow**   
**Yeah, my number one rule is to go with the flow**   
**And my number two rule is to fuck up the flow**

\- Stop looking away, Kent. It's annoying.

  
I was looking at my own arms. At least I still could felt my own body.

  
\- Why are you so stubborn? - I could feel his touch at my chin once again. He shouldn't do that, getting so close, I felt inappropriate reactions for that moment.

  
\- Why are you so bossy? - I said in the most childish way I could, then I split from him, so he couldn't feel my "little" erection.

  
I started a ridiculous dance in the front of him, one I saw in a vintage film, it looked good when I danced it alone in the shower, but here it just seemed ridiculous, really.

  
He was staring at me with a smile, one of these when you see something that's ridiculous but cute at the same time. I know I'm charming, so Damian could look all he wanted if he let me think and preferably without natural reactions.

**Pretty boy, come over here and get you some**   
**Kiss me hard and baby, we could share my gun**

I was swinging my arms in a weird way, shaking my hips out of tempo with the song.

  
But, the way he looked at me was my motivation to keep "dancing" away from him.

  
He was fucking me with his eyes and he couldn't care less if I noticed it or not, I think his intentions towards me aren't good, but that didn't scare me at all, I long for that since the moment I found him smoking in the back of school. The smoke was terrible, but Damian was so... hot that day.

I blushed again. What went over me?

  
I don't even know if he likes me! Damian is so positively different from me and way more self confident, but maybe it's just arrogant and disdainful, he's not the kind of person that would want me.

  
I kept on dancing and faking that I wasn't extremely insecure and trying to hide a erection.

  
Suddenly he gets along with me, but he danced better than me, way better. Another thing that Damian seemed to show off.

**Come on, babe, I wanna have a good time**   
**I wanna get you wasted or a little high**

I was so nervous that I couldn't even look at him, my heart was beating fast and I felt that I was blushing more and more. He started to siege me, dancing around me. I smiled, trying to make it looks like it was all right and that I wasn't longing so hard to grab him and fuck right in that couch.

  
What's happening with me? I can't avoid these thoughts so... inappropriate for the moment, I should be focusing on trying to recall what happened before I ended up here.

  
\- W-why can't we be back again? - I asked, shaking and turning away from him.

  
\- Because you're high.

  
\- T-that doesn't answer it, you cold pig.

  
He grabbed my shoulders and made me look his way.

  
\- Because you were dumb enough to accept drinks from someone you don't know.

  
\- You don't need to keep an eye on me.

  
He rolled his green eyes.

  
\- I am here because that's I want.

  
Before I could go on questioning him, so abruptly he got closer to me, grabbing my hips, pressing on my erection with his knee. A moan escaped from my lips and before I could get away from him, I felt his lips on mine.

  
His fingers were caressing my black hair while he dominated on the kiss. The feeling of everything spinning came again strongly while the music seemed to be getting louder. He got away from me with a certain hesitation in his eyes, I had already lost my senses a long time ago, so I kissed him back with despair, as if I was waiting for this a long time ago, and I think I really was, I was longing for the moment in which he would dominate my lips with either a calm or wild kiss, whatever, if he's kissing me that's a win. He was fighting with my tongue as if it was a boxing match.

  
When we split again, I was panting. His lips found my neck, I was getting inside his arms when I felt his tongue in my skin. The place around me vanished completely, now I only felt the heat in his body.

  
\- D-Damian - He was going so fast that I felt a cold in my stomach, but it was so hot... - Damian... - Everything that came out from my mouth was only high moans. I noticed that I had lost any sense of inhibition from the moment that I tried to take out his smoking at any way, like I was in despair to really feel his body. I found a large muscle breast with a tan. I looked down and lost my breath.

  
There was a thin line of hair around his belly button, and that vanished inside his black pants and then I saw his volume there.

  
\- My… God…

  
Looking up, I could look at his eyes without feeling ashamed for the first time in the night.

  
\- Your eyes are blackish. - He commented, probably because of my dilated pupils, of course that was an obvious exaggeration of his, but it didn't let it hit me. His face seemed bloated like a balloon and I noticed that I was going to go in another bad trip. - Jon?

🔪

Hot lips on mine and my vision completely blacked out. I could only felt his hands in my body. The smell of fire smoke then came into my nose, and I heart distant shrieks.

  
Daddy.

  
I opened my eyes and quickly got up, trying to control my breathing while trying to recall what just happened, I looked around, where the hell was I?

  
Apart from being in the complete darkness, I knew that wasn't my room. The ambient was so different, the texture of the sheets was way softer, and the bed seemed bigger. I shut my eyes tightly, trying really hard to recall what happened until I ended up in that weird room.

  
Fear started to grow on me slowly, so I checked my body, just to see if there weren't any marks. Nothing, and I was righteously dressed.

  
Suddenly bits of scenes came back to my mind during the ball night. I was progressively managing to remember things with every possible details, my mother's weird behaviour in the car, people greeting me, Barbara offering me a drink, the weird twins...

  
Damian.

  
I widened my eyes open. Maybe it was his room after all, but why would him bring me here instead of taking me home?

  
Home. It was weird to say that, I couldn't even feel like that place was my home, and I don't even feel like my mother's a home to me, loneliness was smashing.

  
I got up quickly and was searching for some way to turn the lights on.

  
I found it in the wall and then I could take a straight look at the place I was in.

  
I felt like I was seeing a magazine of autumn furniture. The colours had a perfect contrasting effect, the wallpaper that seemed like a clear brown. There were crossed swords above his red wardrobe and a big window by the side. The dark green curtains were open, showing the starless, dark skies up there.

  
And damn it, there was even a fireplace. A huge mirror also got my attention, and what it was reflecting on the other side as well. There was a board with a map and some papers spread over it. Red threads connected the papers, and I could recognize the people in those pictures.

  
Richard Grayson, Rachel Roth and Selina Kyle… Richard Palmer's victims. I couldn't recognize the other people in the other pictures, and I couldn't even recognize the main addresses marked in red in the map.

  
I tried to read what was written on the main address, but those were just weird symbols.

  
**ᚴᛂᚾᛏ**

Before I could try to decipher what that meant, the noise of the door alerted me.

  
I took a look over my should and I saw it was my semi-open, and there was a weak light coming in from the hall. I took a deep breath, feeling the fear coming again.

  
I felt so... exposed being there alone in a stranger's room, at least so far. I tried to not look at the door anymore, any noise could've came only from my imagination.

  
I was still observing the ambient until I saw something that got my attention near the mirror. A picture, two boys that seemed to be happy, I couldn't recognize them until I came closer. I recognize Damian as one of them, wearing a black suit, typical.

  
Another boy was holding his arm, he was right in front of a Christmas tree.

  
I looked harder.

  
He seemed to be way more joyous. But those blue eyes... wait! That is me! That was the sweater I got from my father on Christmas Eve's morning!

  
Why can't I remember this?

  
A sudden boom startled me and then I was out of my thoughts, even jumpscaring me. I held my breath and looked at the door again.

  
Dark figures.

  
What the hell's happening out there?

  
A shiver went down in my spine when I saw what was staring at me from the semi-open door. A bear mask, a smile full of teeth and hairy cheeks. Whatever may be that is wearing that, it was way taller than Damian, no no fucking way it could be him.

  
So it was like a whisper, or maybe it was just my disturbed mind tried to play tricks at me again.

  
\- I don't believe...

  
I was walking backwards until I knocked on the wall, put the hands in my mouth to control the scream that I knew was about to echo, I was hardly breathing while looking to that mask.

  
Then, it opened more the door so it could get in, I don't know what went over but I ran in his direction, pushing him and closing the door right after.

  
\- No... No... No... It's only in my mind... In my mind...

  
With my eyes wide shut, I repeated that like a mantra loudly.

  
I need to get out of here for the sake of my mental sanity! But then, where could I go?

  
I can't go back to the apartment.

  
There's someone hidden in my room. I knew that from the beginning.

  
Light knocks in the door took me away from my thoughts.

  
My God, it's that thing out there, it's trying to get in and kill me!

  
\- Jon?! 

  
I widened my eyes and stopped pressing on the door when I recognized that voice. When Damian got in, the first thing that I did was practically get up on him while I gave a tight hug.

  
\- Where were you? There's something out there, are you okay? - I spoke so fast that I thought he didn't understand shit. He pushed me a little while looking at me with a look of disbelief.

  
\- Thing? There's nothing out there, Jon! - He spoke while shutting the door and walked to the window. - I thought you were sleeping.

  
\- What am I doing here?

  
He took a time to answer, he looked to the view out there while taking deep breaths.

  
\- You fainted in the couch, and your mother, well, she vanished in the party.

  
\- Vanished? - It was normal to she to do something like that, go to parties with me and forget me there, never understood why. She always fixed a apology later. I shouldn't be surprised by now, but with that which I saw, it was impossible to not be worried about her whereabouts.

  
\- She just went home, Jon. Calm down.

  
Sigh. So quickly I pointed to our photograph, that I didn't even remember to have taken, or simply having the knowledge of that time.

  
\- What is this? Why can't I remember this, Damian? - I hardly could remember from myself in my childhood. I knew I was a joyous boy, my father said that when he convinced me to not destroy anything else, I couldn't remember my childhood friends but I forgot about them willingly, but I certainly would remember Damian, and I would remember Gotham. And I'm sure I never saw Damian or lived in Gotham before. - I don't remember spending any time of my childhood with you.

  
A hurt, thoughtful expression took his face. I felt momentarily guilty, I wanted to get closer and hug him and apologize for being such a retard, but the cold wall around him came again, and his inexpressible face too, pushing away from him.

  
\- I knew the drugs ruined your memory, but I didn't thought it was this bad, to the point of forgetting our last Christmas together.

  
The bad ambient lighting seemed to decrease and it gave me a claustrophobic feeling, and it made get closer to him, holding his shoulder, but not brave enough to look in his eyes.

  
\- Forgive me, but I can't remember.

  
He touched my head and I looked at him.

  
\- I'll remember for you. You showed up at my house with that ridiculous sweater and said that you had one for me, it was your gift, you didn't wanted to spoil the surprise but you couldn't shut your mouth. I said that I would burn that ridiculous thing, but I lied, I wore it as a pajamas for a long time.

  
I smiled trying to picture him with such a cute sweater, something that didn't fit at all with his personality. He put on a serious face and still tried to share his memories.

\- You brought that dog with you. - I'm surely can't remember having a dog. - And I was so mad on you because I knew you were hiding things.

  
\- What things?

  
\- At that time, not speaking more than a thousand words per minute wasn't normal for you, I should have known you were into some shit! - His voice went from lovely to angry in seconds. The guilty seemed just to increase inside my chest.

  
\- It was not your duty to take care of me all the time.

  
I wanted to keep on questioning him things about the past, but I felt like I shouldn't. I recalled the board with the pictures of the Eyes Thief's victims and without thinking twice, I started to question him, pointing to the board.

  
\- And what's that? Why are you getting involved in that?

  
I noticed his eyes burning with hate, and all his body language changeg, he frowned while taking deep breaths.

  
\- I knew those people, Jon. You did too. - His voice was sharp.

  
I couldn't recognize anybody and I didn't even pretended to, that would only hurt him more. - Richard Grayson was my adoptive brother. Rachel was my best friend...

  
A whole lot more guilty went over me.

  
\- They also think he's killed your father.

  
_What?_

  
I faced him with my eyes widened open. The fire. Palmer started the fire?

  
\- And they also think that he's killed mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!  
> Sorry if there're any typos, there is a few Brazilian expressions that are simply too hard to translate; the original language in which I wrote it was Portuguese.  
> Also, let me know what you guys are thinking about it in the comments. Thanks for reading!


	4. At the Mountains of Madness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of madness. In the sense of being crazy.

**CHAPTER 4 - At the Mountains of Madness**

I couldn't sleep well at night, I mean, I simply couldn't sleep after the conversation with Damian, that just ended after four in the morning. On the way to school I could rethink it all. The fire that killed my father was actually an arson and probably sparked by Richard Palmer, which makes zero sense to me, but Damian says he got his reasons to not trust, but I simply didn't want to persist in that no more, I didn't want to think about the fire, my father's body being burned alive, his shrieks...  
The fact that I knew Damian since my childhood still frightens me, because I can't remember any detail. After my parents found out about the drugs, I ended up in a rehabilitation center, but I can't recall anything at all either, like if my memories were stolen, I just can recall the fire and what happened then.  
\- I hope it was not too much for you. - He spoke, walking by my side. Alfred Pennyworth, family butler and now Damian's tutor, dropped us at school. I like his British accent. - Too much information at once.  
Even at the edge of darkness, I had to make him feel safe so he could be more open.  
\- Nope, it's fine. - I sigh, I don't know how being well really is since a long time ago, but I just got to keep pretending and everything will get better. He didn't want to tell me anything about his private investigation, and I didn't even knew if he was going to tell me anything about it.  
\- I know it was too much for you, Jon, I can see it through your body language. - Anyways, it seemed he knew me better than myself. The sky was clouded this morning, completely black clouds and bitter winds. I didn't went by the apartment so Damian borrowed some clothes that fit perfectly in me.  
I didn't receive any calls or even a message from my mother, so I don't think there'll be any trouble if I vanish for a few more hours without sending her a life sign.  
It was still weird to think that I was wearing his clothes, still he didn't seem to care about it. His black jacket had his characteristic smell, something I couldn't define, but I loved it.  
\- Damian? - I called for him while we were entering the school. I didn't recognize anyone around us, that scared me, what if I already knew some of them? - I have the rights to know the details about the serial killer. He murdered my father. - I tried to sound bold and strong, like him when he tried to boss me around, but I think I failed at this one, I did provoke a slight smile.  
\- You're not ready for this.  
\- Course I am!  
\- No, you crybaby, stop complaining and let's go! - Great, the cold, bossy Damian showed up again. I wanted to understand him like I wanted to understand myself, not willing to keep debating with him, I followed him until we got into the hall and I was distracted by a lot of teenager voices speaking all at once.

I recognized Katarina Bengtsson in the middle of the crowd. Laying on her locker and staring at me, slightly smiling and looking at me like if she was eating me. Kathy wasn't with her, but stopping to think about it, they almost never spoke, just walked side by side.

When I was about to ask Damian about Katarina, a red haired hurricane showed up hugging both of us tightly at the same time.

\- Calm down, Colin! - Damian tried to get loose from the sudden hug, but I only enjoyed it. At least it looked like I was fixing me some more friends.

I broke away and smiled at him.

\- Why all this happiness?

\- Why not? Damian finally got brave and made you two public! - He answered smiling and looking straight to me. What the hell was happening here?

Made us public? I gave them both a confused look, but Kathy, who was standing by the side of Colin, put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.

\- We were at the party last night and it was impossible to not notice.

Oh, the Wayneball, which truly was a commemoration of late Bruce Wayne's birthday, which coincidently also was his death day. Also dead in a fire that destroyed half the mansion, I think that was enough a trigger to him to start his own little investigation, since little to no details came from the police.

\- Well, it was only Kathy who saw, but she told me everything. - Colin said.

\- You fuckin' gossiper! - Damian exclamed accusingly, but also funnily, he smiled at her then. - I didn't saw you there.

\- But I saw you... better, you two. Tell me, what was it you went to do that took all night? - She spoke maliciously.

I was so blushed and I was begging for the time to pass faster. My first class wasn't with Damian, which in a certain way was a relief, I would be free to think about it all without having my behaviour analyzed by that hot madman.

\- Nothing the crybaby was in disposition to do.

The other two laughed. I disguisedly smiled for a moment while I allowed myself to be surrounded by my new friends' happiness. 

My day was extremely lonely and long. Damian vanished with his friends for the rest of the day, I asked their classmates about them, but it was like they didn't even show up on the first class. I felt let down, lunch time was a bore, I didn't even had a book to read while ignoring the disgusting food that was served in the cafeteria.

I didn't take my meds today, so I couldn't call reality from remains of past traumas suffered, both by my mind and my body. I was going to meet my new psychiatrist today.

When school finished, the first thing I did was to check the address in my notes, those which were on my backpack. The address was written in pink ink, it was written with it the books that I needed to read and to write an online review, but I wasn't in a hurry anyway, nobody ever read them.

**W King Edward Ave**   
**Beverly Manson**   
**(503) 882-0805**

And there was I, in the waiting room, after getting lost in Devonshire Crescent street, it looked like a giant wild garden, greenish ivy growing on the luxurious walls of all the houses. The chairs in the waiting room are comfortable, but I feared that the bright illumination wasn't hiding my tired face, also felt sleepy the entire day, but now after drinking some cups of coffee I was more awake.

An old lady was staring at me all the time and didn't even disguised it, alright, I was the only teenager there in the waiting room, but she could use some decency and pretend that she wasn't staring at me.

\- Jonathan Kent? - A sweet, soft voice called me from inside the psychiatrist's room. I faced her. Beverly was black and had a beautiful black power hair. She was wearing white clothes and black boots, and a red lipstick. - Your turn, honey.

I already knew how it worked, so I started to describe my life, at least what I could recall. I told her about what happened on those last few days and about how I discovered about the arson that killed my father, and about what was happening with Damian, I just hide about his little investigation.

She was writing and analyzing me, while looking for more notes.

\- Well, you were Dr. Henry Sunderland's patient, am I right?

I noded.

\- And you was transfered to me after moving into this city, but actually you didn't really move, right?

I noded again. A bit of shame this time. Beverly seemed to be looking for the right words to maintain what she was trying to do.

\- I don't think you know, or probably can't remember because you went through two almost deadly OD's... - ODs? - But Henry died from a heart attack.

First the ODs I couldn't even remember and then the news that my ex-psychiatrist had a fatal heart attack, the closest I had to a friend. I was starting to pant, I noticed Beverly was starting to get ready for a possible panic attack of mine.

\- ODs? - I asked with a raspy voice, I felt the tears were coming. - I can't recall that. I can't remember being through this.

\- I knew. That happened before the fire, but you can still recall Henry, was him someone that left an impression on you?

\- He was the only one that knew that I took drugs, while my parents thought I was... crazy. - I felt something in my chest when I pronounced the last word. Crazy. That defined me for a long time, and I feel it still does, I feel like I'm losing my sanity over time, that if it didn't burn along with my father. I wish he hadn't died with the disappointment of having a mental son.

\- Okay, I should listen more, before ordering you to take heavier medicines. - She fixed herself in her chair. I took a detailed look at her room, I could see a huge window that showed the city's biggest buildings, and a grey weather. A little red light coming from one of the windows got my attention, but then I looked away.

She was sitting right in front of me, behind her was a painting of a fancy woman, a dress that didn't cover her shoulders and a huge pearl necklance around her neck. I took a time to understand the handwritten words:

Jennie Blanc  
1854 - 1921

\- You mentioned your brother's name only once. - She noted while she quickly wrote something. I noticed she had some experience, she wrote so fast it looked like she had supernatural powers. - Is there a specific reason behind that?

I swallowed.

\- I don't have a lot to say about him. We weren't very close, and he left home very early.

\- Something happened to him? - She asked, directly looking at my eyes. That look gave me the chills.

\- He killed himself. He isoled himself in his apartment and prived himself so much from sleep that he died in two weeks. - I hesited, a sudden sickness hit me. - He blamed my mother for this, said she unleashed this madness... that she put the "murder of crows" to follow him.

Beverly seemed to coldly analyze what I said, and then she started to take notes.

\- So you weren't close because he didn't like your parents?

\- No, he didn't like my mother.

The noise of her pen writing echoed through the silent room, along with my panting.

\- Your mother, how can you describe her to me? - She asked. - Try the first word that comes to mind.

\- Toxic. - I regret saying it the moment it came out. My mother wasn't so bad but she tries, I guess... - Actually, not so much, she... she tries.

\- Right. - She was stilll writing.

\- What was the last time she told you she loved you and she hugged you?

I can't remember this.

\- Three weeks ago. - It sounded more like a question than an affirmation, but it was also the first thing that came to mind, I shouldn't have said it was too long ago. My heart was beating faster and faster and I could feel the tears coming out, I think the only one that really loved me was my father.

\- Does she make you feel loved? Like family?

That was the end of the line for me. I knew answer was NO, it was always NO, I never felt loved by her, most of the time she's just like an unknown person to me.

Before I could answer, a striking noise on the window startled us.

A bird. A blue bird hit the window.

It hit so hard that it broke the window and opened his chest.

We couldn't notice more details, its body fell into the ground, and it vanished from our views.

\- I think our time's up. - I got up, disguising the tears and apologizing right after.

\- He loved you, Jon. - She spoke while she watched me going away. - And he left you one of the most beautiful gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I lost all my translation late at night because I was translating it here. My page reloaded and all of it vanished. So I had to translate it twice; I hope there isn't any typos!  
> Tell me in the comments what you guys thought about it.  
> Also, if you guys got any theory about what's happening here.


	5. The Sacrifice From Above

The rain was whiplashing the train's windows mercilessly. It was passing by bridges, big buildings, Victorian houses and finally arriving at the station. What I had spoke with Beverly wouldn't leave my head, and everything that she revealed to me, I was already waiting to be considered insane, but not to this point.  
The old lady behind me was coughing compulsively, the sound it made was echoing all around the train, it was almost empty. The lights blinked when the train finally stopped.  
I sigh while I get up. Now I just wanted to go to my bed.  
I walked through the empty wagon and when the doors shut, I almost froze into my place.  
Another boy, identical to me, passed by my side, laughing out loudly at something that he saw in his phone, a such malicious laugh that I bet he was watching porn.  
Fuck, even the eyes were the same as mine!  
I shut my eyes tightly and rubbed my forehead. I need to sleep.

🔪

From the hall to my door, everything was still lonely and silent. Until I heard the extremely loud classical music coming from inside the apartment. I sighed before I opened the door. I wanted to stay a little more outside, but I really need to throw myself in my bed. Immediately.  
\- My God... - I murmur when I saw all of the apartment's furniture turned into a horror house. The walls were taken by fake spider webs and also fake plastic spiders. My heart almost stopped, I always had a striking arachnophobia and those models were really huge. - Mom? - I called for her with a breaking voice. I walked through the apartment hall in seconds, the living room was even worse.  
There was a black bag with a body outline inside right on the room's corner, hands and feet glued to the walls, it was so real that I could even smell the blood.  
Bats glued to the walls, showing their black wings and red eyes that shined in the apartment's bad lighting.  
\- You arrived from school! - She showed up holding a glass that had a thick red liquid in it. She was a wearing an evil queen costume, the one from Snow White, and a heavy black make-up. - Unhappily you won't be able to help me with the decoration. I have already finished it all, but thinking about it... there's still your room! - She said smiling.  
\- What the hell are you doing? - I asked her, pointing to every corner. - What the hell is this??  
\- Halloween?  
\- But we're not even in October! - Sometimes I thought I was insane, but I just have to take a look at her and the feeling goes, as it did now. Maybe insanity was hereditary. Why are you doing this?? - I was so out of control that I got frustrated even by the fact she was cooking something weird in a huge pan, probably doing more mixes with wine and acid, which she probably did to get this lunatic.  
It was still raining lightly outside, for what I could see through the window.  
\- I need to put the decoration before, I need everything to be perfect, Jon! And obviously, I love Halloween.  
\- It fits you. - I rolled my eyes and went to my room, almost thought that I wasn't going to recognize it in the middle of that horrible decoration.  
There were snakes above my door, seemed real, every well sewed detail on the plastic.  
I roll my eyes again and I open my door.  
My room still didn't seem to look like a hospital, it was so different from everything that was outside, and mainly now. I sighed and threw myself in the bed.  
I wanted that all of this to be nothing but a hellish nightmare. Sigh again. Maybe One Man Guy will take all this craziness and trouble from my mind. I sit with my erect back and I search for the book in my backpack.  
There it was. Thank you, Damian, for not stealing it.

🔪

I thought about the book's ending all the time while I took a hot shower, water was running through my body relieving it, it was all I needed. I need to access my old Tumblr account and do the One Man Guy review .  
Gosh, I couldn't even remember my username.  
I look at myself in the mirror. I felt I was forgetting something, but it was normal, since lately I've been forgetting a lot.   
I need to find out where Damian was with his friends on schooltime, I need to buy the new medicines Beverly said me to take and I need a good night's sleep.  
When I finished cleaning and washed my hands, something got my attention in the mirror. Something was wrong with me... no, something was wrong with my reflection.  
Smiling at me and with its hands cleaning the mirror, or better, the other side of the mirror.  
\- What the fuck? - Suddenly he knocked against the mirror, shattering it. The noise that echoed was so loud that it must have startled my mother, I could hear she exclaiming from here. - HELP!  
Help  
\- Jon? Jon?! - I heard she calling for me in the distance. I was feeling a lot of pain in all my body, even felt her cold touch, but it didn't gave me relief at all. I knew I had to dance to the music, so I only let lament the broken mirror and I let she to carry me like a doll to my room.  
I was still naked. The only thing covering my body was my white towel.  
\- I ain't believing you broke down and broke everything once again, boy! - She carried me effortlessly and was still repenting me for something I didn't do, at least I think I didn't.  
She put me in my bed and kissed my forehead.  
\- I'll bring medicines and a tea for you.  
She was still wearing the costume.

🔪

I woke up panting as the alarm screamed.  
My heart was beating really fast, almost as if it wanted to get out through my mouth.  
I was dizzy and confused, for a second I even thought I was in my old house. I got up from bed, scratching my eyes. I took my red shirt out before getting into the bathroom, a part of me was still sleeping until I saw the broken mirror.  
The reflection  
Pictures from last night suddenly popped up in my mind. My mother must think that I'm getting more disturbed, I won't judge her, I'm thinking about the same this exact moment. The broken mirror reflected a deformed version of my face.  
There were huge dark circles below my eyes, the blue in it seemed darker. My body increased abstinence these hours.  
Memories seemed to be getting back to my mind.

_Katarina's curious eyes stared at me while I was observing the mirror. I was wearing the Houston Mental Health Institute's uniform._

_Katarina_. Did I knew her from somewhere? In the Houston Institute, maybe? Actually I couldn't remember from the two years I spent in that place, but I do remember the pills I pretended that I took, and I recall having peace for a time.

 _Katarina_. I need to ask her if I knew her from the institute and why she didn't tell me anything.  
I need her to tell me what happened in those two years.  
I sigh and I go to the shower, taking my clothes off. I knew my mother wasn't in the house, which already was a huge relief. The cold water sent shivers down my spine.  
I look at the white floor all the time, thinking about the flashing memories of Katarina. I can recall her, but I can't recall Damian, I need to purchase my meds at once. The water running through my body, it was generally relaxing but now I just felt more uncomfortable.  
I didn't wanted to handle the anquish of not knowing how to handle my own broken mind.

_The broken mirror that reflected my own distorted image could be a picture of my mind._   
_Distorted._   
_Sick._

I still carry the weight. I just want to get rid of it.

🔪

I didn't eat nothing when I left the apartment. I felt sick, extremely sick. The clouds were dark this morning, but in which mornign they weren't? But in this specific one, there were cops all around the city.

But that wasn't enough to keep my attention. I was still lost in my mind, still locked to the few flashing memories I had of Katarina, I'm wondering if Kathy knew about her past.

I was walking through the crowd, just another face in it. I tried to look to the sky, but it wasn't too much of a good view since the huge buildings dominated the landscape. They were regular buildings, different styles and sizes, but one especially caught my attention, not because of its style, but it seemed like...

I looked closer.

There was someone in the roof of one of them.

I widened my eyes.

I tried to get closer to see better, no one even looked at me when I pushed them to get more space. All those people were already panicking me.

**Damian**

The only one that seemed to understand me now, I wish he was here, I knew I was about to have another panic attack if that was real. The building wasn't so tall, so I could see who was there.

Familiar, unique curly hair, a really beautiful black skin. Katarina. Whatever might she be doing, she was right at the edge of the building, the arms open as if she was hugging someone invisible, and clearly breathing with some difficult.

My heart almost stopped. She was going to throw herself.

There was some sunlight in the horizont, making the scene a little clearer in the greyish sky. The people around me still seemed concerned about their own lives, not even caring about what was happening around them, always not caring about what was happening in the world around them, not even about someone else's pain. I was sweating at that moment, my heart beat so fast it seemed I had just ran on a marathon, more memories of her invaded my mind. Always in the institute, locked in our rooms.

I just wish somebody would notice that, because I was already frozen in the spot, I couldn't move a muscle, tears showed up in my eyes, making me more dizzy, making everything around me hard to see, I just could see her.

I wanted to scream for her to get out of the rooftop, for her not to do what I knew she was about to do. Some people stumbled into me, but they didn't even look at me, nobody looked.

Katarina lifted up her hands and her mouth was open in a perfect "O." I felt a metallic taste in my mouth, it seemed harder to breathe.

So she threw herself.

It was so quick that when I blinked she already fell into the streets. The impact was so huge and noisy, as if her head had exploded. The noise of breaking bones will be forever in my mind. I was getting more dizzy and it was even harder to breathe, everything was happening over and over again in my mind.

Her bones breaking on the impact

Her body falling almost as if she was a doll

She didn't even scream.

But nobody even saw it, nobody even noticed her completely broken body laying in the ground. Her hair was covering her face, and there was some blood, staining the street.

People only noticed when I fell in the ground, trying with no success to sustain myself in the wind, I felt like all my lifeforces were getting drained.

Damian

I wish he was here to hold myself again.

All my body was shaking, I felt so much pressure that this time I didn't even knew how to react so I only let my body shake, the black points in my vision were increasing gradatively, I knew I was about to faint. The people around me, touching me, asking me if everything was all right, even if the answer was clear as water.

\- Young man? Young man! - Some lady's raspy voice was "shining" through the crowd, it was her who was shaking my shoulders, and she was telephoning someone.

I recognized somebody else in the crowd before completely blacking out.

Beverly Manson.

_Katarina's staring at me._   
_Her dead eyes._   
_The weight of a silent judgment._

  
Before opening my eyes, I could already feel the soft bed, and I could smell him. A classical song was playing in the distance, I knew it was by Ludovico Einaudi, I recalled it through misty, forgotten memories. I didn't wanted to open my eyes, I don't want to face the cruel reality, I just wanted to have my eyes wide shut, dreaming about some perfect reality, at least one that was less cruel.

Little by little, what happened earlier was coming back to my mind. Katarina's suicide.

I opened my eyes and quickly got up. I think that caught Damian's attention, whom was sitting in his writing desk, reading an enormous book, and for what I could see from here, there was a variety of symbols in it, those were so weird, I never saw nothing like it before. Quickly he closed the book and dropped it on the desk, close to some papers.   
\- I thought you weren't going to wake up, Jon. - The black haired one turned around to look at me. - I'm a little worried about your sanity lately. - He faked a smile, I knew he was faking because I could feel the worry coming from him, I could see the guilty in his beautiful green eyes, now I saw his face more carefully and closely, I could notice his strong Arabian facial features.  
\- Don't be worried, you're already enough. - I murmured while I put my hand in my forehead. Normal body temperature. - How did I ended up here?  
Damian stared at me for a few more time, analyzing me, then he looked again to his writing desk, the song was still playing in a low volume, but I was still uncomfortable there, because he wasn't telling me anything.  
\- What happened to Katarina's body? - I moaned a little, frustrated by the end of the question, but I hope he didn't notice.  
\- Who's body  
\- Katarina. Katarina Bengtsson. The girl that jumped from the building.

\- What the hell are you talking about? - The way he looked at me made my heart beat faster, he was staring at as if I was making it all up.

\- She threw herself from that building in front of me, Damian! - I got up stunned from his bed, ready to discuss about how I still haven't lost my mind, yet. - She was Kathy's best friend! I bet she doesn't even know about Katarina's suicide! - I was gesticulating a lot, as if trying to explain all the details to him.  
Damian was still looking at me the same way, so he got up and got closer to me, it was then that I recall the moment, no one else seemed to care about that, only me, no one else seemed to care about somebody that was about to take her own life!  
\- Nobody even looked at her! - In the last phrase I spoke, my voice was already anquishly. He faced me, looking at my eyes.

\- _Kathy doesn't have any friend named Katarina._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What have you thought about this chapter? Let me know in the comments.  
> I hope you guys really enjoy it and stay safe!


	6. Nothing Is What It Seems To Be

**Chapter 6 - Nothing Is What It Seems To Be**

_Let me take you down_   
_'Cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields_   
_Nothing is real_   
_And nothing to get hung about_   
_Strawberry Fields forever_

We were facing each other, sitting in the kitchen. He wanted to make me eat. It smelled like fresh coffee in there, strawberries and cleaning products, the huge windows showing greatly the backyard, a beautiful and enormous garden there, a few bushes were in animal formats, roses and a huge water fountain. I noticed a big iron gate, but the living hedge hides what's on the other side.  
Damian cooked some eggs a few minutes ago. I wasn't hungry at all, Katarina's face was still clear in my mind, and her body position as well.  
Blood flowing through the streets.

\- Jon, you're so fucking skinny, I heard your stomach complaining from the room, and you don't stop talking about some imaginary girl's suicide. - I wish I could that I have memories about her at the Institute, which makes she not so imaginary as he thinks it is, and I also wish I could say that my reflection wanted to kill me last night, but I also don't think it's so pertinent, instead, I just moved in my chair, sighing a little more and accepting being humiliated like that.  
Damian was right about me, at least about my weight, I didn't stop to look, or notice, but the bones in my back even were showing morbidly, well I guess I could still try to disguise. I can't recall the last time I ate decently, I can't even recall someone being worried about my food habits before, think I should feel happy... or maybe even more humiliated.  
Damian deserved someone better than a drugged loser.  
\- I'm not hungry. - I said, just. My mind was in agony, taking me back to the Eyes Thief, taking me back to Katarina's suicide.  
\- Jon? - He grabbed my chin, keeping me from looking at the table. I looked at his green eyes, I don't even feel worthy to look at him. - Can you remember your birthday?  
 _My birthday_  
 _My birthday?_  
I frowned.  
 _When is my birthday?_  
I knew he was waiting for the answer, for that last drop of sanity. I was also longing for this last hope in my heart, but no, I can't even remember when is my birthday.  
\- I... I don't...  
\- It's tomorrow. You're 17 tomorrow. 

_Let me take you down_   
_'Cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields_   
_Nothing is real_   
_And nothing to get hung about_   
_Strawberry Fields forever_

I don't know what to answer, I couldn't even properly look at him. Does my mother remember my birthday?  
\- I bought a gift for you.  
I was blushing and then frowned.  
\- You didn't need to... - I answered while playing with the knife. - What it is?  
\- I'm just going to give it to you tomorrow, dumbass. - I roll my eyes. - And if you eat at once.  
I felt dumb again. It's obvious he won't tell what the gift is, but I didn't want to wait until tomorrow to discover what it is. Anyways, for the last few days I feel like I'm getting closer to death, so why to wait?  
I don't care if it's my birthday or if it's not, if he at least won't be by my side, it would be just another lonely, regular day.  
I bite the egg. There also was some cheese and vegetables on my plate and god, was it good. He was so talented and brilliant in everything, Damian was perfect.  
Well, I wanted to say the same about me.  
\- I was taking care of some things... yesterday, that's why I vanished. - Then he smiled maliciously. - Missed me?  
That teasing, I knew there were second intentions, but I didn't allow me to bite that bait.  
\- No. Stop saying bullshit, what were you dealing with? - I put a bigger piece in my mouth this time. The silence in the mansion was comfortable, only me and Damian there...  
\- Trying to steal confidential information from police about Eyes Thief. You? What have you done while I was away? - He looked at me funnily, I guess he was waiting for an answer as good. I almost dropped the knife, but I couldn't control my surprise, did he really trusted me? Did he really trusted someone insane?  
\- Wow. - Was everything I could say. - How did you do it? Or did you just "tried"?  
He didn't get hit by my irony, what is a pity.  
\- Didn't you wanted to know what I was doing? It was this. Now I don't need to give you any further information. But... if you ask me the right way...  
\- I can beg on my knees... - I teased him. - But really... How did you get your "info"?  
\- I have a few important friendships, dear Jon.  
\- Ok… - I gave him a slight smile and I didn't want to get into the subject anymore, I just kept on eating and left my mind to wander about how would be my birthday, and how was it possible for me to forget such a special occasion. Birds were singing on the other side of the window, I looked at Damian again, and I noticed he was a little uncomfortable in his chair.

We stared at each other for a long time, it looked like he was holding himself to not tell something important.  
\- I shouldn't hide this from you. I can't hide this from you, it also involves you in everything.  
\- What exactly I have the right to know about, Damian? - Now he started to worry me, I need to pay attention to his weird behaviour, I think he's letting all the signs come too easy, and purposefully. He doesn't want me to know about something, but at the same time he wants to me to find out about it.  
\- I need you to do something for me.  
\- What? - Hesitantly I have asked. I held my breath, suddenly a claustrophobic feeling increased inside me. What does he want me to do? A thousand of things went through my head, even robbing a bank dressed as a cat.  
\- Don't go home. It's dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this weekend, guys! I know it's a bit shorter, but... it's just the calm before the storm!  
> Hope you enjoy it and stay safe.


	7. That Smell

**Chapter 7 - That Smell**

\- What do you mean... dangerous? - I had just finished eating some eggs, and I didn't want nothing but answers, no more bullshit.  
\- I mean... the neighbourhood is, maybe the killer is hiding there. - He scratched his back, I could notice his muscles in his arm, it distracted while he was still speaking. - You didn't notice police constantly in the neighbourhood lately?  
\- Wait, what? Which neighbourhood?  
\- Yours. Whatever, don't you want to... stay for a few days? I swear I'll speak to your mother myself if...  
\- She won't even mind. And you don't need to fix some apologies to be around me.  
When he was about to answer me, steps echoed inside the kitchen, I turned my head and could recognize Barbara Gordon. Her red hair were loose over her shoulder, she was wearing a green jacket and a golden necklace.  
\- Am I bothering you? - She asked getting closer and disguising her smile, then she took her hand to her mouth while she noticed she couldn't disguise anymore.  
I would say no, but Damian spoke faster.  
\- Yeah. When did you arrived? - He asked. They started speaking to each other, what gave me time to think about Eyes Thief.  
Damian knew the things I didn't, and things that meant something to me, I'm certainly not going to be the one to fall for the dangerous neighbourhood stuff. Gotham WAS a dangerous city. Maybe the problem was actually in the building.  
My God  
What if he's really hiding there?  
I need to warn my mother that we aren't safe there...  
\- So... Are you two having something? - She asked frowning, and smiling.  
And then he was quicker than me again.  
\- Yes.  
I looked stunned at him, how come we're having something going on? I mean, it's obvious, but he never made it official! It's hard to know what's going on inside his head, weeks ago he even used to completely ignore me!  
\- Finally! - Barbara went in little jumps to the fridge. - I hope you won't mind, but I'm totally stealing your fridge.  
\- Did you came for the food? - Damian asked. - I'm feeling offended.  
\- As well, but Tim called me, I think he wants to tell me something. - She lowered her voice, but I was still listening to the conversation. - With you too.  
Damian put his hand in his forehead and let some rude word slip by.  
It seemed like things were getting intense again, that cold Damian coming back now.  
Barbara left the kitchen with a strawberry pack in her hands and a silly smile.  
\- So are we having something, Damian? - I asked him, maliciously smiling. - You never made it official.  
\- I thought it was unnecessary to do so, but you're simply too slow to notice. - I roll my eyes.  
\- So, now you can stop lying and tell me why I can't go home.  
We're interrupted another time, now by Alfred, whom was coming wearing his everyday suit, impeccable and elegant. His palid skin, his round face and that black smoking that reminded me of a penguin. Gosh, I just pictured the butler as a penguin.  
\- Alfred, take Jon to my room. - I knew you were lying to me. - I'm going to meet with Tim, I'll see you later, Jon. - He got up quickly and walked fast through the hall.   
\- Master Kent. - He greeted me elegantly, as Englishmen do. Being called like this made me feel like a 60-year-old, or someone from royalty.  
\- You don't need to call me like this, Alfred. - I got up and smiled at him. - You don't need to worry about me either, I know the way. - I blinked at him.

  
Even if I tried to tranquilize Alfred, he insisted on accompanying me anyway, so I couldn't get lost in the middle of the endless halls of the mansion. Furniture was so new that the entire mansion looked like it came from a Gothic Mansions catalogue, there were huge elegant mirrors all over the place, flower vases with violets, paintings of charming people, one specifically caught my attention, the same woman painted as the one in Dr. Manson's office.  
Was Jennie Blanc someone important in the high society?  
I need to ask Damian later.  
When I entered the room, I noticed the closed curtains, and a murder of crows flying outside, for what I could see from the shadows reflected by the weak sun, which would probably vanish again in two hours.  
\- You're very lucky, just a few are as privileged, master... Jon.  
I have no idea what Damian was like before this last week, but to the point I can notice, he was an arrogant jerk, how could I stand someone like this I have no idea, but it's good I did so we could be here.  
\- Good night. - He said then and just made a hand gesture.  
It was incredible how I could come up with more craziness in just one morning, I need to buy my medicines and then maybe slip by the apartment and try to convince my mother to take out all the ridiculous, out of time decoration.  
Sometimes I think she's really crazier than me.  
I sigh and I sit on Damian's cozy bed. I feel that I'm invading his life with all my insanity and my messes.   
Katarina comes to my mind again. What was Beverly doing there? Seemed like she was waiting for the exact moment that I was going to collapse.  
Maybe she was only passing by and that's just my head going paranoid again...  
Damn, I need my medicines.  
I need to speak to my mother, I need to know what Damian is hiding from me... I shut my eyes tight, why is it so hard to have a normal life?  
My heart beats fast, I feel that everything's falling apart, absolutely everything. I know I can't really trust Damian so I need to go look for my own clues, so I'm going to make my own investigation board.  
After a long search, it was then that I realized it wasn't there anymore, and then I concluded he was really hiding something dangerous from me, not dangerous, if it's the thing I think it is, then it's deadly.

  
As I left the mansion, I told Alfred I was going to buy my medicines, which wasn't a lie, I was just going to solve some trouble on the way. I was going to call Beverly and ask why she left me with Damian instead of taking me home, then I would purchase my meds and maybe speak to my mother.  
I rethought about the list over and over in my mind, I took the subway. It was so cold in there. I was right about the sun not lasting even two more hours, black clouds were storming the sky again. Sigh.  
There weren't a lot of people there, just a few quiet men, some reading huge books, and the other few laughing silently at something on their cellphones.  
There was an old man staring at me, he laughed, swinged his head and a brown bag in his lap.  
I looked away from him.  
The old man's laughter increased and caught my attention again. This time je had a small teddy bear in his hands. His widened open eyes reminded me of the Wayne ball.  
A bear mask.  
A smile filled with teeth and blushed, hairy cheeks.  
Staring at me while it tried to get inside.

I was so immersed reviving that, I started panting and I saw the black points again. Suddenly I got up, I couldn't let that happen again.  
I tried to calm down, take deep breaths and listen carefully to my respiration.  
The bear always came back to mind.

  
The bag containing three different medications was incredibly small, well, comparing it to the previous ones, it seemed like progress. Maybe it do mean I'm getting better, maybe... I need to keep on keeping on. A bolt just cut through the misty sky while I took a walk through the streets on the way to my apartment. The street's atmosphere wasn't what I expected it to be, or at least how Damian made it to seem. I pictured a perfect horror atmosphere, completely desert, but actually it was the contrary.  
Another bolt on the sky. It wasn't long until I felt a few cold water drops on my skin. Richard Palmer's face was chasing me through the walls.

  
**Wanted**

  
His scary eyes looking at me through badly printed, colourless pictures. Something sent a shiver down my spine and I walked faster. I was closer to the apartment when I heard screams.  
\- Please, stop!  
I turned my head and tried to see what was happening. On the other side of the street there was a little Mexican restaurant, an old man was asking two white, bald men to stop throwing red ink on the facade. At least I think that was ink.  
I frowned and froze at the place. People that were passing by completely ignored the scene, someone stopped to watch how it ends. I really wanted to puke, but I prevented it. The white men were screaming at the old Mexican man, some xenophobic offenses. When the things started to seem to get physical, I ran in their direction.  
\- What the fuck? - One of them said, annoyed. He threw what was left of the red ink on the old man, but it was me that got it all. I knew, it wasn't ink, it was blood. Now my clothes were stained and that seemed to fall in the bags and the ground. I tried to clean it with my hand. - Do you want to get some too, buster?  
What was I thinking?  
The first punch hit my stomach. That sharp pain went through all my body and I shrieked in pain, that seemed to feed their sadistic desires, then I felt more punches and kicks on my body.  
A last bolt on the sky before rain falling angrily and fast. Little by little, the people watching were scared away by it. The old man tried to protect me, but it was in vain.  
A murder of crows still was flying through the sky, one seemed to attract the others flying far away and then all the landscape was dominated by crows, and they started to fly in circles, as weird as it seems, I was the only one to notice such a thing while they kicked my body.  
Until it suddenly stopped.  
The torture that seemed to be endless... ended. I couldn't see anything but rain and tears, but I could hear these neo-nazis moaning. From pain. I turned my head to the side and I could look at them bleeding, they were blocking their ears with their hands, as if they were hearing a deafening noise. Blood was dripping from their eyes and through their hands, that vainly tried to protect their eardrums. Birds were hitting on the restaraunts, el mexicano was holding the bag with my medications and tried to protect himself with his hands.  
I didn't know what was happeming, but now I seemed to be in ecstasy. It was like an orgasm.  
\- Come, boy, I'm gonna call the policia! - He tried to gently drag me away from that. The more he pushed me, more the blood was visible in the ground and rain washed it. The men were still hurting in the ground, the crows were still flying in the sky. - Don't worry, it'll go away. - He tried to calm me down, trying to look for his phone.  
I didn't answer and I quickly lost all conscience of what was happening around me and then... I fell into the void.

_Katarina kissed my shoulders and said it would be okay, but she lied._   
_Damian kissed me and said he would never lie to me, but he lied._

  
I woke up from a weird dream with Damian and Katarina and I found myself in a room with a so bright yellowy illumination that my eyes hurt. I turned my head and I saw when they were raising two bodys from the ground and putting them into black bags. Did I kill them?  
What is actually happening here?  
\- You woke up! - The Mexican mister showed up. He was smiling in relief and seemed to have changed. Now I could notice I was sitting in a round chair on a table that had some dia de los muertos decoration, and French fries. - Thank you very much for defending me from... these monsters, if it wasn't for you I could be dead now.  
A cute towel was around me, on my wet clothes.  
I just smiled while he hugged me.  
The old man smelled my neck and I could notice that he widened his eyes open, faced me for a moment and said:  
\- You have that smell... the smell of death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for this week, guys! Once more, I hope you have enjoyed it.  
> What r u guys thinking about Damian?  
> And that last scene, eh?  
> Be back next week (I hope) and stay safe!


	8. A Language of Sex

**Chapter 8 - A language of sex**

And it was still raining hard over the city. My eyes focused on Damian's reflection on the window. My head hurt, but at least my nose stopped bleeding on the way to the mansion, when I escaped all the questions through the bathroom window from the Mexican restaurant. All that situation was making me panic and I didn't know how to react another way. Damian didn't notice my wounds when I arrived, just preached at me for going to the city in the rain and without Alfred.  
\- Frankly! I can't leave you alone for a second. - He complained while went to the shower. - I don't know how you survived without me until now. - Still could hear his complaining echoing through the halls. His facial expression was tough when he discussed with me earlier, but there still was a hidden fear in there, you just needed to look closely.   
I put my head on the cold glass and let my mind go away, I had already took the pills of the day and Damian kept them in a safe place just in case.  
To make sure I don't take them all at once?  
Damian is very agitated right now.  
He needed to be on an important party with Tim at the other side of town. There was kind of a hesitant sound in his voice when he told me while fixing his black smoking, seemed like it was a social obligation. I couldn't understand the regular rich people, they probably went to parties to preserve their image, I guess. I completely distanced myself socially after my father's death, but my mother kept going to those parties and she always said she had to keep a light appearance to her friends. I think she always lied to me, but I never really cared about it.  
I feel Damian's worried about leaving me alone all night. I also think he doesn't trust me at all since he told Alfred to take care of me all night as well.  
\- I'll buy you a birthday gift and you can open it when I'm back. - He said after he left the shower, he was covering below his belly with only a towel. I could feel his cold face when he quickly kissed my lips. His large chest was hot and I could feel his heart beating.  
I got closer to him when he tried to get far, I hold his hips softly, feeling his soft skin in my fingers. Damian dropped his towel and I could see all of his body. The red towel landed in his feet and my eyes were getting up slowly through his tight legs to his knees and then the middle of his legs.  
\- There's something familiar about your odor, Damian. - I said staring at his green eyes. He looked away, nervous about something, but he didn't try to get away.  
\- What are you talking about, Kent? - In a defensive position he asked.  
\- Have you fucked me before? You did, didn't you? - I grabbed him tighter and brought he closer when I noticed he was trying to get away. At least from this conversation he won't get away. Sensations and feelings started to get through my mind, like in a film. I could remember the sound of we moaning together, like we were creating a language of our own. - Is this why you feel resentment about me, because I can't remember?  
\- Yes.  
\- Do you want to fuck me again? - I feel that I was burning inside. The outside world completely vanished. The rain was still falling and thunders sounded like the apocalypse. He kissed my lips again, tasted my mouth like he needed it, and I felt connected to him. It was a weird, familiar feeling. Everything that happened before also vanished from my mind, the memory of the crows flying symmetrically in the sky and the two men dying right in front of me was giving place to Damian in the middle of an orgasm. There was something special about it, eccentric, the way he moaned hypnotized me and I was surfing in a really huge wave of ecstasy. Something mystical was mixed with our body connection and the pleasure.  
\- Yeah. - He moaned while he got away from my lips and started to lick my neck. - I need you. - Thunders break the sky while I felt I was letting it go, the shyness, I felt Damian's urgency like if I was going to escape like wind in his arms. I am melting in his arms, feeling his hot and wet tongue and his teeth softly biting my skin.  
The feeling that we had a strong connection came back and my body was answering his touches like if nothing had happened, like if there never was a barrier between us.  
It's magical.  
Damian lift me gently, it was incredible how he could effortlessly get me off the ground, I'm not so skinny, at least not as much as he keeps saying I am, however, considering I don't have decent meals daily it's not really any surprise. He kissed me again while holding me in his lap, my legs were around his hips.  
\- Please - I moaned when he got away from me and pressed his forehead on mine. He was breathing normally while I was panting, I felt like it was the first time again. In a more sane state of mind I won't allow this to happen, I don't know why, but it didn't really matter at all, now I just wanted to feel his dick penetrating me, filling me up. - Pleaseee  
\- What do you want?  
\- _I want you to fuck me._ \- I answered almost whispering in his ear.   
\- Are you sure? When we begin, maybe I won't control myself anymore. - He glared at my sensible nipples. I lifted his chin with my hand for he to look at me.  
\- I want to lose control with you tonight. - He couldn't remember the party so I felt relieved. - Please...  
He goes straight to his bed without looking away from me. I blushed with his penetrating look, a lot of feelings went through my chest now and both of us exhaled that mixture, I could feel his excitement just increasing, like if any moment he could kneel me and would suffocate me with his dick in my throat. Tempting.  
He laid me gently on the bed and took off the white shirt he gave me to replace the wet jacket.  
\- You're so cute blushed like that. - He stared at me with his hand in my chin and the other hand taking off my polyester pant. His body was so hot now, and there was pre-cum all over his hard dick. That would penetrate me at any moment and I was really ready to take it in my ass. - I want to put it in at once without getting you ready.  
\- It won't get to this point. - I knew it would.  
\- You know it would. - He blinked at me. My dick jumped on his face's direction as he took off my blue undies. He licked its head teasing, his hot tongue took me to another dimension and I put my hands on my mouth to prevent a high moan from coming out. - Don't shut your mouth. - His bossy voice just made me melt more. - I want to hear all your screams and moans. So he swallowed my hard dick all at once. At the same time that a high moan came from my mouth, a thunder roared in the sky. - Do you like when I suck you like that? - Then he licked all of it, starting on its head to the balls, his green eyes on me. His stare made me more sensible, with a malicious smile he pressed my balls.  
\- Stop teasing me like that... - So he swallowed all my dick again, and kept doing fast moves until I came in his mouth. That made me shake while I felt his tongue teasing me more. - _Ohh Damian._  
He got up and cleaned his lips.  
\- I wanted this for so much time. - His fingers slipped to my most sensible part. Two fingers penetrated me at once. - It's been so long since I don't get inside here, my fingers get so tight now. - He inserted his fingers deepers and did a scissor movement, making me scream.  
I tried to control myself not to shut my mouth with my hand, but now I was moaning so loud and saying incomprehensible stuff, only asking him to not stop and go deeper. Pleasure was running through my body.  
It was better than I expected.  
Way better.  
So I felt the void, but I still felt his fingers and his mouth around my dick, still vividly in my mind and I was still moaning not rhythmically. I was searching desperately for air as if my body was in combustion. I don't how many time had passed between the time Damian got up from me and then when I felt his kisses again, and then I felt something wet in his fingers that were heating my ass. So he positioned himself above me and started to touch my ass with his dick and pressure it. A moan escaped during the kiss.  
\- It'll get better. - He whispered on my ear and then licked behind it. He tranquilized me more with his kisses while the head of his dick slowly got inside, its pulsation torturing me with pain and pleasure.  
We started to moan in unison, I was louder than him. It was simply too tight for his dick to fit and as each second passed, his moanings also got louder. So he pressures it completely inside of me and then he take it off. Long moans and then he pressures it again, putting it all inside at once.  
\- Damian, my gods, that's the way, you're so big! - I screamed while I felt my fingernails scratching his back. His pulsating dick getting in and out in a fast rhythm, our load moans get mixed with the loud thunders outside and the violent noise made by the rain. As he was throbbing, it just seemed to be getting deeper and deeper.  
\- Fuck! This is so good... - He grabbed my hands and put them above my head, with the free hand he pressed my chest while still throbbing. My dick was hard again and felt that I could cum again. - You're so tight and hot, Jon. - He pressed his face against mine and bit my lips, then gave a sadistic smile. - You always wake my worst side, doesn't you?  
I couldn't answer, he took his dick out and then put it all inside again.  
I just could come up with senseless phrases while I felt my mind going away and at the same time I was contemplating his muscled chest, his strong arms, his sadistic expression and his malicious smile. Then he came out completely again, this time he grabbed my arms and put them on his shoulders. He penetrates me again while I put my head in his shoulders. His smell was so different and addictive now, I couldn't really find an exact definition for this. His hands are now on my buttocks while he increased the speed, lightly bit my neck and sucked my skin. The noise of the impact made by his hips were even louder than our moanings together.  
I could hardly breathe.  
Now his arms were around me and his fingers were teasing my nipples.  
He was fucking me and just observed each moan that came out the moment he hit the right spot. I came again in his belly, and then I feel his hot jets filling me inside.

🔪

In the end, I felt a little guilty about my intentional act. Alfred caught us in the middle of Damian's orgasm and now he was suiting himself up quickly while Tim complained about punctuality through the house. I wanted to chat about what happened while I was out, but now isn't a good time.  
My ass was still hurting and my legs shaking, I need to take a good shower when he left.  
My heart was still somewhere else, I still felt myself floating in clouds, I felt so light.  
\- I won't be late. - He told me as he finished dressing up.  
\- Why can't I go with you?  
\- Because they don't allow companions.  
I crossed my arms and frowned, then I was free falling from the clouds and landed right in that conflict.  
\- And?  
\- And I can't take you because you aren't invited.  
\- I could be a crasher. - I murmured while I layed with my belly upside in his bed. I want to distract Damian in a way, I wanted his attention now. - Please, don't take long. - I whispered with my eyes closed. His lips touched mine, sending shivers down my spine and I opened my eyes with a fast heart.  
\- I'll miss you. - Damian was really sexy in that smoking. And then was gone, leaving me alone with my mind. I knew that would happen, once he was gone, it was like nothing had happened at first.

_You have that smell_

All the memories came back to torment me.

🔪

  
I took a cold, long shower. I was lost for hours in my own mind while the water fell on my back. I gained consciousness again when I heard my stomach roar. Dinnertime.  
The mansion was quiet. It was still raining hard outside, so, beyond my own steps and breathing, I still could hear it outside. I'm wondering where is Alfred now, in the back? Sleeping? I think the poor Englishman need some vacation. The halls were really dark and I felt like I was being watched the closer I got to the kitchen, there was a weird feeling that was suffocating me in a way. Would take another turn in a hall until freezing with fear in the place.  
The twins of the party.  
Both of them were standing on the end of the hall, the one with the door to the kitchen.  
They were holding hands, staring at me.  
Their bright blue dresses seemed to shine in contrast with the cold colours of the wall paper. It was then that I noticed something in the floor, looked like brown stains. Looking closer, I think those were muddy footsteps.  
Instinctively I took a step when both of them started to walk towards the kitchen slowly, it was then that the broken glass sound echoed from there.  
\- Alfred? - I tried to call for him. - Is it you? - I tried to look closer in the dark while I was holding my own body and walking slowly to the end of the hall. The kitchen lights were on, but the nearby kitchen room's weren't. - Alfred?  
Someone was there with his back turned to me. He was tall and had whitey hair. His clothes were dirty and when the weird man noticed my presence, stopped doing whatever he was doing.  
So he slowly turned and I took a time to recognize his face. Richard Palmer. The Eyes Thief.  
Tears were falling without me noticing and I was shaking with fear.  
\- Hello, child. - He smiled and got closer to me. - You were just the one I was looking for. - In his hand, a porcelain vase that he threw against my head.  
I screamed with pain and lost my balance, falling in the ground. Will he kill me now?  
Everything became a painful blurry, I could feel the blood in my forehead. Then all my vision went away and I let myself be dominated by the lost of conscience.  
\- _Happy birthday, Jon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have already planned all the chapters, which means a lot of awaken nights, a lot of coffee and evil plans for Jon.  
> Expect more Lois for the next chapters and her hereditary madness.  
> I hope you have enjoyed the chapter and stay safe.
> 
> (P.S.: I hope all the sex scenes are accurate and let me know you guys' opinions)


	9. Happy birthday, Jon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is a bomb compared to this chapter?

**Chapter 9 - Happy birthday, Jon**

_**BEFORE** _

The move was about to be really over, the last boxes that needed to unpack were in my room, my mom always complained about the apartment's decoration before we emptied all our boxes, what made the process 7 months longer. Classical music echoed through the apartment. Lois loved the piano during diner, before daddy's death, songs meant something special to them, but now I feel like it's a funeral diner. I stared at the photograph in the living room once more, the only possible decoration for now in the middle of the cold colours.  
Lois was sitting by my side.  
We took the pictures before we came here, the wallpaper of the place on the photograph was white and ugly and we were wearing black clothes.  
\- You should put some makeup on Clark's face and take a picture with him before burying him. - One of my mother's friends said while we were dressing.  
Lois smiled and made a negative gesture.  
\- It's too heavy for my son. - I felt her eyes at me for a long moment. - He doesn't need to go through that.  
\- It was a tradition in your family, Lois. How many pictures do you have by the side of dead relatives when you were younger than 10?  
She just finished her makeup and started to fix her impeccable black dress, trying to take away any filth that could be in there.  
\- Charlotte, Jon is still here. Let's talk about my family's traditions later. Privately.  
It was the last time I had any contact with maternal relatives.  
\- Won't you come to dinner? - I heard a voice coming from the kitchen. She ordered Chinese chicken in a fancy restaurant, the smell was tempting. Dining room had terrible lighting. Lois said bright ambients are dated. - You look so sad, teddy bear. - She smiled sadistically while pinching my cheeks. - Any trouble in school?  
She sat graciously in front of me, and sipped in a wine glass without looking away from me. I sat facing my China plate.  
Broccoli, green peas and Chinese chicken, how it smelled was so hypnotic, but my stomach seemed to be turning, refusing to eat that. The piano's melody became more aggressive as the violin came along. I know she did that in purpose, those were the songs I played in recitals before using the "methods to escape reality", a way of her saying (to not say drugs).  
She was clearly teasing me, and I felt that I was just sinking deeper and deeper in an endless pit of depression and anxiety.  
\- About school...- A few chemistry classmates called me for a weekend party. Kathy Branden gave me the invitation personally and said that she would await especially for me, but I guess that's what she says to all her guests.  
I was hoping that she would let me go, it could be an opportunity to easily get friends and forget this claustrophobic ambient. Kathy also invited the weird boy that sits by my side on chemistry class. Damian Wayne. Sometimes I feel that he hates me, but I don't really suffer from it because he rarely shows up on school. Katarina Bengtsson, Kathy's best friend, stares at me so long for so many times that I ask myself what are her real intentions with me, but she's like Damian, I rarely stumble into her on the halls.  
\- What happened? - She frowned after asking, worried. - Is someone bullying you?  
\- Not that, actually...  
\- You can tell me. - She grabbed my hand and smiled at me. - You shouldn't feel ashamed in speaking out, teddy bear. They are the ones that should feel ashamed.  
\- It's nothing like that.  
\- It's a serious trigger for you, Jon, and I do worry about that.  
\- They just invited me to a party Saturday night. - I looked at the table again. The peas in my plate seemed delicious now, like if I could take out all my frustration on them. My heart abruptly accelerated. - I wanted to go.  
\- Go? - Her voice changed completely, it seemed darker now, as if she had let a dark wish slip by. - But our dinner is Saturday. Or did you forget about it, like you forget all important things, Jonathan?  
\- No, I didn't forget.  
\- Why do you want to go?  
\- I don't have any friends here. I thought it was a good idea.  
\- I know what you want! - She exclaimed in an accusatory way. - You want to take drugs again! They promised to you that there would be drugs there? You're gonna miss the dinner with my friends because you want to get high with unknown people again? - She started to cry compulsively and made negative gestures with her head.  
I don't know what she's afraid of. Maybe it's of the unknown, or maybe she's just overprotective because of trauma. She lost the two people she loved the most as well. Maybe she's just afraid the _bad wolf_ will take me away forever.   
\- It wasn't what I said! - I tried to defend myself, the adrenaline was pumping through my veins while I tried to make her see why it's ridiculous to start a fight because of it.  
\- Your father just died and you want to leave me alone in an important occasion! - By now, the music had just changed, a happier one this time, totally contrasting with the moment.

_I'm pickin' up good vibrations_   
_She's giving me the excitations_   
_I'm pickin' up good vibrations_   
_She's giving me the excitations_

Her face was red after crying so much.  
\- Your brother also left me, and now you want the same steps he did, am I not enough for you?  
While I tried to fix the situation, she suddenly stopped talking and crying and stared... at her plain front.  
\- Mom? - I called her, but she was still inert. - Mom!  
White as bones and not breathing, she closed her eyes and her body fell into the table.  
Her head fell into the plate, smashing the peas and leaving blood stains on the chicken. _Mom_

_Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with her_   
_Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with her_   
_Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations a-happenin'_

By the end, she wasn't dead. That was just a scare, she was just fine a few hours later. We finished dinner and as apologies for fighting me, she showed her album of dead relatives. She took pictures with all the deceased before the burying. She used to wear fancy clothes even as a teenager and boots that were too big for her. In some pictures, there was 8 people with her. All dead.  
Then came the pictures of her wedding with daddy. She was so beautiful. Her white dress covered her whole body, it was so pompous. At least five people had to carry the dress while she walked into and through the church, and the makeup almost made her unrecognizable. It was so surreal. But her family, or who was left of her family, didn't dress so differently. Her mother was wearing a dress sewed with gold threads and so many diamonds around her neck. Daddy seemed to have a lot of close friends.  
\- She was Diana, this ome was Bruce... - She named each one on the picture, but I didn't listen.

**NOW**

My mind seemed more obscure now, in a poetic way.  
Little by little, my senses seemed to be getting back, slowly, like a rose gradually blooming.  
A fog still kept from thinking logically, but I was able to fell the pain, in the head and in my body. Around my hand that seemed like it was getting pressure from something. I couldn't see properly, all in my sight was a yellow blurry and a dark shadow. It just hurt more and more as I tried to focus my vision anywhere. My legs were shaking and I noticed they were tied tightly by a thick rope. I moaned with pain when I saw what was happening.  
My heart accelerated when I saw the murderer sitting by the other side of the table, with his chin in his hand and a happy face, he stared at me. He didn't seemed to be breathing and he hardly seemed to be alive, his eyes seemed dead. He smelled bad, his looks were disgusting. Oily and long greyish hair, in his palid face there were some dirt and sweat. I started to cry and shake in fear when I noticed he was still moving.  
\- What.. - I tried to ask him, but my voice cracked and I could hardly hear it. - W-what do you want?  
No reaction. No answer. My despair just increased.  
He was still there, apathetic.  
\- HELP! - I yelled with all my voice, then my throat hurt and I started to cough. That seemed to provoke some reaction on Richard, he suddenly got up and ran towards me. My cheek started to hurt and my head turned violently to the left.  
\- You woke me! Right on time to celebrate your birthday! - He jumped and clapped. - Ready for the best, and last, birthday of your life? - He smiled with those rotten teeth. - Lois, please, go get the cake. - He asked for the empty chair by my side. Silence surrounded us, my panting caused me panic when I think that I could annoy him and that he could slap me again or even kill me. - Oh Lois, don't make this face to me. - A sad expression seemed to kill his happy face.  
\- _What are you doing?_ \- I whispered nervously.  
\- Celebrating your birthday. I have called all the family. - And he pointed to the empty chairs. - Even your father's here. We just didn't invite your best friend, your mother doesn't like her, but except for her we're all here.   
This man is mad, more than I even thought he was. I had to escape, or else that would be my last memory alive. Shivers went down my body and tears of anquish and affliction were running through my face, my left cheek was still hurting because of the slap.  
Damian he said he won't take long in the party, and that Alfred would be here all night. Maybe if I can scream louder, he could hear and help me.  
I smiled because of this last hope, like a light in the end of the tunnel.  
\- Well, look, I just can't remember where I kept the cake. - So he laughed hysterically facing an invisible spot. - Shit, look, I'm gonna get it. Keep a eye on him, daughter. - He spoke to the nothing and then he was gone. Ran for the door behind me, the feeling on uncertainty and fear just increased inside me, he could do anything and I won't be able to see it coming.  
He could kill me now and I won't even be able to tell what hit me. I could have a heart attack at any moment. I shrieked when he started to sing a tune close to my ears.  
\- _Always is always forever, as long as one is one, inside yourself for your father_. - His smell was really rotten, like some dead thing. - _All is none all is none all is one. It’s time we put the love behind you, illusion has been just a dream, the valley of death and I’ll find you, you can see, you can see, you can be._  
So I heard steps getting far, but I couldn't lower my defense, perhaps he was staring at me by the door like the time I was unconscious. His empty eyes devouring me slowly.  
\- _ALFRED!_ \- I screamed louder this time. I couldn't give myself the chance of not being heard this time around, and I knew he was home. - _ALFRED! HELP!_  
Richard showed up instead of Alfred. He yelled something I couldn't understand and started to kick the walls, he threw a few stuff in the ground and started to step on them. The perfect picture of a spoiled kid that doesn't get what he wants.  
\- I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! **I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!**  
He's gonna kill me anytime.  
\- **I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU** \- He grabbed a knife which was hidden in his jacket and ran towards me. I yelled all my throat and I could yell even louder when I felt the stab on my left shoulder. - **I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU** \- So he backed and tripped on the floor. Blood was flowing like a waterfall from my shoulder, it stained my clothes and the white floor. The pain was unbearable and I couldn't stop moaning.

\- _Help_. - My voice was starting to crack. My throat was in flames, my body ached. It seemed like he was being strangled in the floor by invisible hands, the knife slipped to the glass door that took to the garden. Maybe I can escape breaking the glass. The darkness out there gave me the shivers, but it was better than trying my luck here. - _Please! You don't need to do this._  
He stopped, his eyes open and laying on the floor. He got up with some effort and left again. Did Richard always tortured his victims like that?  
I was staring at my own reflection on the door of glass. It was the only thing I could see accurately, I tried to see what was behind me, but I couldn't. The blood was still falling, I needed to fix it somehow, maybe if I asked gently to Richard, maybe I could do something about it, I don't believe he wants me to die quickly.  
I felt so cold and dizzy, I knew I would faint at any time. Blood was red bright on the floor, contrasting with the extreme white of the floor. Seemed like hours had passed when I felt someone pressuring the wound.  
\- Rachel knows how a hemorrhage like this one killed her quickly, I had to take her eyes in a rush, didn't I, Rachel? - He asked to another empty chair. - Don't mind, she's shy. - So I saw he was wearing a bear costume and there was a little cupcake above the table, in front of me. - You won't die, we still have a lot to celebrate. After that, your eyes will be mine and you'll be buried in a hole at the garden. I dug it myself, especially for you. - It didn't scare me anymore, I think I already got used to the idea of being murdered at any moment, I got used to the idea of dying today, on my birthday. Maybe, it's the best for everyone around me. My mother doesn't deserve another insane son, Damian doesn't deserve an insane boyfriend, or whatever we are to one another.  
\- Why don't you kill me at once?  
\- What fun would it be if I do it at once? - He was sparking a candle above the pink cupcake. - What fun would there be? - He sat by my side and grabbed the cupcake. - Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday... eh, I forgot your name. - He seemed frustrated and then looked at me again. - I have a gift for you. Between being killed and killing someone else, what'd you rather? - Then the insane laughing started again.  
I started to cry harder, maybe his goal was not to kill me, but to torture me. Alfred might even be dead by now and I didn't notice.  
\- Why are you crying? Didn't you like the surprise? - He widened his eyes, with a serious expression now. - I think we need to raise the mood. Lois isn't liking the face you're putting. - And then he vanished from my sight again.  
Everything was uncertainty now, a new world of darkness around me, starting to suffocate me. Dizziness hit me hard, my head was aching. I heard light steps coming towards me and I knew it wasn't him, the smell was strong and familiar.  
- _You're almost dying._ \- Her voice seemed more ghostly now that I know the truth. Katarina kneeled by my side while she untied the ropes. She had ability in doing this. - _You need to get up and run, run and don't look behind you._ \- She helped to get me up carefully, the dizziness was going away and I wasn't as confused as before.

\- You're dead. I shouldn't be seeing you.  
\- _We made a promise to each other a long time ago. I thought that you broke it._ \- It was a spirit so familiar, feelings awakened inside me, but I still couldn't remember anything so clearly. - _But you didn't break it. You never broke it and I won't break mine. He will kill you and this is your only chance._ \- She pointed to the glass door. - _Run_.

A baffled yell caught my attention. Richard was back, wearing the bear mask, its smile straight at me. Katarina had already vanished into thin air and all that was left to me was running for my own life. When I was getting ready to run, a loud sound of glass breaking made run impulsively. My shoulder hurt like hell and it was hard to keep running.  
- **DON'T LEAVE ME!** \- He yelled while he was running after me. The cold air of midnight made my face hurt, but I ran like hell.  
\- **I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR EYES OFF, YOU SON OF A BITCH!**  
I didn't even knew where I was going, but I knew I couldn't stop, otherwise I would die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it his last breath or is it the chance he got to start solving the puzzle?  
> Well, that's something we're gonna discover on the next chapters!  
> Hope you guys have enjoyed the chapter;  
> See you next saturday and stay safe!


	10. It's Not Paranoia If It's Really Happening

**Chapter 10 - It's not paranoia if it's really happening**

The hospital was almost desert.  
Some nurses show up to clean the bandages on my shoulder, I was still weak and I wasn't able to move right. The feeling of isolation seemed adequate to me now, I don't want to see nobody, his face appeared on everybody's now. The sky was clean out there, but still kinda obscure, the air was cold and my only distraction was One Man Guy, which Damian delivered to a nurse.  
I could recall every little detail about that night, I didn't want to, the cops always showed up and asked me the same stuff over and over again, seems like something wasn't right so maybe that's why they came back to ask so many times. Visitation still wasn't allowed, I hardly had any strength to speak, and when it showed up, I had to spend it with my telling of the facts. I could remember how that madman tortured me, how he stabbed me, and how Katarina, or her spirit, helped me escape. I had told the cops that I managed to untie the ropes after trying a lot. Roses showed up in my room everyday, Lana K. Weber told me it was Damian who brought them along with real cutie letters. In some, he seemed to feel guilty and regret for leaving me alone in the house. I wanted to hug him now and tell him nothing was really his fault, but I guess I would faint right after because of the effort it would require.   
Sometimes I got a shortness of breath and my shoulder starts to ache for long hours.  
Cassandra, the doctor taking care of me was hesitant to tell me, but in the end I discovered I didn't lost my arm movement for a real little.  
I started to get better after two weeks and Cassandra took me for walks around the hospital, around that time I was able to tell the whole story. Richard chased me until I fainted in the front of a supermarket, I still can remember all the horror I felt that dawn. I also met a cancer patient before he died, he had my age and he knew how to draw perfectly. Cassandra told me he arrived in horrible conditions on the hospital, all sunburnt.

  
\- I'll never be able to paint your eyes. It's frustrating. - Ben complained when he noticed my eyes were the only blank parts on the drawing.

  
\- Isn't it easy just to paint it blue?

  
\- Nope. There's a special shade, it's too bright but too dark at the same time. - He died a week after.  
I still keep his drawing with me, sometimes it reminds me of his cold touch. They allowed visitation on the third week, Damian was the first one to show up.

  
\- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you alone. - It was the first thing he said after hugging me tightly, like if I was going to become dust at any moment, I couldn't judge him for that, I just hugged him back.

  
Like if it was the last time.  
Before I go at once.

  
\- I'm sorry, Jon. - He said. 

  
\- It's okay. It won't happen again. - I got a little far from him and stared at his eyes. It was a little cold in the room. - It won't happen again. - I repeated with an affirmation that would made us feel safer. - Do they already have any clue on the Eyes Thief?

  
\- About this. - He sat on the bed by my side and faced the window. - There's a few problems in your story.

  
I frowned.

  
\- What? What do you mean?

  
\- The tracks on the garden, they only found yours. Alfred said he didn't notice any invasion and got worried when he heard screams in the kitchen and called the police.

  
I wasn't able to accept that at first. The tracks on the garden, there must be some explanation behind it.

  
\- He could have gone back and cleared his tracks!

  
\- I also spoke to your psychiatrist. - He interrupted me, this time looking at me with an even guiltier expression. - The medicine she told you to take were too strong and depending on the quantities you took, it could be a cause of hallucinations.

  
\- Beverly told you that?

  
\- I see that those medicines came based upon the notes of your old psychiatrist and that she can fix this in further sessions.

  
\- But...

  
\- It's alright. - He interrupted me again, coming closer to me, his skin was hot and it seemed that now only could control his breathing. - I won't let that happen again.

  
\- Does my mother know I'm here?

  
\- No. I tried to contact her more than once, but Lois does know how to vanish. - Or maybe she vanished against her own will.

  
\- Dami, he might have gone to her!

  
\- The serial killer follows a modus operandi, at least that's how it seems, and it also seems that his current target is you.

  
\- But you don't even believe me. - I felt something bitter just to think about this.

  
My feelings for him were deeper than my short memory allowed me to see. I don't have anybody on my side now, and if I tell more things about what happened that night, it's probable that Damian will also give up on me and Lois will drop me at some mental institution. Again.

  
\- I never said I don't trust you, you won't stab your own shoulder on account of an Eyes Thief hallucination. I just want to say that maybe he manipulated you.

  
\- All right, I don't want to fight about it. - His excuses were lame, now I just wanted to be normal, however I'm not and I have to accept the fact that I have ruined my life myself. I just wanted to control myself. - I just want to get better soon.

  
\- Cassandra told me that soon enough you'll be able to go home. - I don't know which place he meant with home, but I didn't wanted to start a discussion about it. The white room and the endless smell of bleach and alcohol were nauseating, but now I feel better. He touched my shoulder softly, I didn't feel any pain now, so I relaxed when I felt the touch.

  
\- I'm not talking about my shoulder. - I grabbed his hand and put it on my head, the point of his fingers gently messing my black hair. - I meant this. I want to get better soon.  
Damian didn't say anything, just asked for some space on the cold bed and laid by my side. He was just staring at me now.

  
\- I got something for you. - He took his cellphone out of his pocket and gave me the right side of an earbud. - I don't know if you can remember, but this was one of the first playlists you created for me.

_**Alt-J - Something Good** _   
_**⇄ㅤ◁ㅤ❙❙ㅤ▷ㅤ↻** _

**Something good, oh something good, oh something good,**   
**Oh something good tonight will make me forget about you for now**

He shut his eyes.

  
\- I told you it was ridiculous the first time you showed me, but I listened to it sometimes, especially when you started to act weird. - He seemed to breaking barriers by each phrase. - I was always bad to you, especially as a child. Sometimes I wanted to keep these memories hidden from you, but this would bring me only more pain.

  
I pressed my head against his while I tripped through the extremely familiar lyrics, but the mist never let me see what was completely behind the feelings awoken by the memories. It was frustrating.

  
\- Your father didn't even believe when you told him about our relationship.

  
\- And how did my mother reacted? - I asked looking at the window.

  
White butterflies were flying calmly near the window, the wind was shaking the tall trees and the sky was only getting darker and darker.

  
\- She just made it into another event for self promotion, she gave an extravagant party with extravagant visuals.

  
\- How was she dressed?

  
\- A wedding dress with the colours of the rainbow. And fake fingernails that misspelled Pride.

  
I laughed out loud with what I pictured, so I looked at Damian again.

  
\- Sorry about that. Not remembering any of this.

**Forty-eight thousand seats bleats**   
**And roars for my memories of you**   
**Now that I'm fully clean**   
**The matador is no more and is dragged from view**

He got closer to me, his eyes in mine, his arm hugging my body, like if he still wanted to protect me from what's outside. But he can't and he knew that. So I shut my eyes for a second and I wished everything was normal, I wished I wasn't an addict trying to get better and that there wasn't a serial killer chasing me, all there was for me at that moment was me and Damian.

**🔪**

I was out of the hospital after a week, Cassandra hugged me goodbye and said she hoped she would never see me again at the hospital because of something so serious, but I still got the impression we'll meet again. Leaving the hospital was both filled with comfort and anquish. At the same time that I felt safe, it still sent shivers down my spine.

  
\- Go get your stuff, we'll wait outside. - Damian said Tim insisted to come and get me at the hospital. It was so weird that we both we were living at the same house, but I was just going to actually meet him now. I just put my book in my backpack along with Ben's drawings. I ended keeping a few of his stuff, since nobody went to look for him. At least I was able to train my amateur skills. I also took my shampoo and my toothbrush. I looked quickly at the mirror, I was finally wearing true clothes, my favourite ones. Just a blue shirt and a green jacket.

  
I silently gave goodbye to my room and to the view out there. It was the bottom of the pit to say goodbye to a window, but it was a companion to my moments of loneliness here.

In the reception, I stumbled into familiar faces. Kathy hugged me so tightly that she could have broke me in the half.

  
\- I'm glad you're alive, I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you before. - She said while she grabbed my chin and examined my face.

  
\- We were dealing with a lot of problems. - Colin showed up by my side, hugging me briefly. His red hair was longer, like mine, and he had black circles below his eyes. - But we're glad you're okay.

  
There weren't a lot of people there apart from them. Just three quiet nuns and an old lady reading a gossip magazine. The weather was stormy out there. It was so aggressive in Gotham, it's almost a reflection of the dirt that's there.

  
Yeah, another storm is coming.

  
I saw a tall man by Damian's side, whom was carefully looking at the scene with his arms crossed and without any expression on his face. He walked towards me and presented himself as Tim Drake.

  
\- Sorry for not presenting myself properly before. It's hard to take care of my father's estate and to be a detective in this town at the same time. - He greeted me with a handshake. He was smiling, but there was also a hint of worry and hesitation in his eyes, maybe he was analysing me?

  
I went through so many analysts that I already knew the feeling, and I decided I didn't like it. - I have something in the car for you, it was my birthday gift for you. - But I still like him.

  
So we left the hospital.

🔪

The box was in my lap, Tim didn't wanted me to open it until we arrived home. Kathy was as curious as me, or a little more. It didn't seemed to be heavy. I pressed my forehead against the window while I watched Gotham's streets. The police department caught my attention, seemed like a fight was happening in front of it, Tim also noticed it and stopped the car.

  
\- What is happening here? - He asked with a loud voice when he left the car. Kathy opened the window on my side.

  
\- I want to hear what happened. - She asked while she looked to the fight pleasantly. Colin, who was sitting by her side, just rolled his eyes and continued scrolling his social media. - Oh shit. There we go again.

  
Damian also left the car and helped to stop one of the men, this one seemed completely out of control, he was screaming incomprehensible things while he tried to punch a cop.

  
\- YOU ARE DIRTY! ALL OF YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING! - He was familiar in a way, long, greasy hair and a big beard. He was wearing gloves and a blue bonnet. - YOU ARE ALL GUILTY! - He screamed pointing to the cops. In an unexpected move, the man spat on Tim's face, who was not reacting in any way so far. The majority of the cops were watching what was happening, they seemed to just be awaiting for the command to lock him up. I had no idea why he was so mad, but now I'm certainly curious.

  
\- Edward, I'll ask for the last time - Tim was still talking calmly and loudly, he certainly was used to this kind of thing. Kathy seemed more excited and concentrated on my side.

\- We don't know where your daughter's body can be.

  
\- You can't even catch a fucking serial killer! My daughter's body vanished from its own grave and I know it was this son of a bitch! - He seemed to be about to collapse, hiccuping a lot. It was macabre, his daughter was already buried without eyes, now her body was... stolen? But why? - YOU ARE THE SCUM OF THIS CITY!

  
\- I'm gonna ask for you to calm down for the last time. Eyes Thief isn't the only serial killer we've ever dealed with, we're ready for this, a forensics team was already sent to the graveyard...

  
\- Damian knew about this? - I asked Kathy, whispering.

  
\- Everyone knows about this. It's a scandal.

  
I frowned. Why didn't him tell me anything?

  
\- Damian, go home. I'll fix this situation and we'll speak later. - Tim told Damian while he guided the man calmly to the department. He didn't say anything, just took the car keys and got back inside. His expression was mysterious, maybe he was ashamed by the situation, or because I found it out the worst possible way, that is, if he was going to tell me anything about the killer. But something made me think, he wasn't the first serial killer who preyed on Gotham? I highly doubt that Damian would told me all of the dark secrets of Gotham's past, he barely trusts my word. I held the box tightly and shut my eyes. I had to take care of myself now and go after everything I could to find out what's really happening and why I am his target now.

  
\- Jon, I know what you're thinking and it's better to give up. - Was the first thing Damian said as he entered the car. - I'll give you a shower and feed you decently as soon as we arrive. - I won't fight about it, at least not here and now, so I just rolled my eyes and held the box closer to my chest. I noticed now that my heart was beating faster.

  
\- Are you some kind of X-Man? - Kathy asked Damian, ironically. - You read all our minds all the time, Damian Wayne.

  
\- I'm not guilty if you're all too expressive, am I? - He started the car.

🔪 

Damian put me on his bathtub and lit candles to light up the bathroom.

  
He doesn't like to take showers with the lights on, the weak and yellowish illumination made the things more special, especially when it comes to me. Damian laid on the cold porcelain and shut his eyes. The water was hot and had a nice smell.

  
\- You look exhausted. - I examined him while I petted his face. He was out of the bathtub, but he was still as hot as the water. Damian opened his eyes and his look ran over my body.

  
\- And you look like a mess. Again.

  
\- What was that today?

  
\- Gotham is full of mad people, but it's not worthy to waste thoughts on it. - I felt included in the mad people, not that he meant it. I took a close look at him. He seemed dangerous on the candles illumination. His eyes revealed some coldness, but they were still as hypnotic.

  
\- Lois told me your family is dangerous once, in the middle of a commemoration dinner for the death of my brother.

  
\- She commemorates the death of her son and we are the dangerous ones?

  
I tried to not laugh, but I failed.

  
\- I think I got my madness from her.

  
\- Some mothers simply aren't the best examples. Mine wanted me to become an assassin.

  
I widened my eyes.

\- What?

  
\- A depressive and long story. - Damian put his fingers gently on my skin underwater. - Do you want to know? No more sadness today. - Suddenly he got up and started to take out his clothes, making visible his muscled body and I noticed some scratches on his back, but I preferred to not say anything about it, there weren't any scratches the last time I looked there.

  
\- Damian? You'll make everything wet! - So he carefully entered the water, the hot water leaked to the floor and hit some nearby candles, taking the fire out.  
Now the walls were very brightly illuminated and we weren't. The boy above me didn't made any movement so I started to get worried, until I felt a pinch in my nipple and shivers that ran all over my body.

  
My gods

  
\- What do you think you're doing, Wayne? - He looked at me while he seeked for a comfortable position over my body.

  
\- Taking a shower? - He said.

  
I rolled my eyes.

🔪

I was sitting on the library's carpet while facing the box in front of me. It wasn't decorated and was a little old, so maybe they're my belongings?

  
Some random song was playing on my phone while I tried to take deep breaths, maybe it's nothing I think it is. The windows in my front were enormous and they showed a calm forest around the mansion and the shy sunlight between the clouds, that sight was so rare in Gotham that I took a picture.

  
My concentration came back to the box and I opened it. The worn out plastic that protected whatever was inside almost crumbled into my hands. I turned the box and I saw a lot of pictures with things written on red.

  
The first one I grabbed had a younger me on it, taking a selfie with Damian in a walk through the woods. Those pine trees certainly weren't from Gotham. Our first alone trip to Oregon. Damian hated all my good jokes, what's left to me now?

  
I unconsciously smiled. That memory seemed to be so old, and so surreal, I couldn't recall anything at all. The other one had Lois and my brother together in a horror park. Vancouver and its Canadians were extremely polite. I found out daddy was afraid of terror mazes.

  
A tear came out of my eyes. Another distant and destroyed memory. The other one was even worse. Katarina by sundown, her uniform was still quite familiar, sometimes we wore it when there weren't any clean clothes. She seemed so happy. It's depressive but at least we still have happy moments. I still await for a visit of yours, D ; )

  
When I noticed, I was already hiccuping. I put those pictures in my chest and shut my eyes. I just wanted to be able to recall all these moments, I wanted to remember the exact moment that I decided it was a good time to take a picture.

  
\- What should I do? What? What I have to do? - I asked myself while holding my own body. I felt a weird energy and opened my eyes. I felt my heart beating heavier as time passed.

  
The lamps around me were blinking. The lampshade near stopped blinking as I got up, but the ones on the roof were still blinking. My attention was taken by the window, which was opening slowly. I frowned and walked towards it.

_Paranoid_

I faced the forest around and then I noticed him standing, staring at me. Richard Palmer.

_Dangerous_

I quickly took my phone out of my pocket and looked for the camera. Richard waved his hand and smiled at me, he was wearing huge boots and clothes stained with something dark and yellow. I pointed my camera at him desperately, as if he was going to vanish any second.

  
And that was exactly what happened. Richard vanished into thin air.

  
\- Shit! - I knew I was freaking out for real. I felt it in my jellies.

Crazy

But no.

  
I wasn't.

  
Richard's here.

  
His picture is real, his happy posing was marked and that was the proof I needed. It's not paranoia, never was.

  
And now Richard's back to finish what he started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, hope you liked the chapter, I'm really proud of this one.  
> Let me know what you guys thought about it and if you got any theories at all.  
> Stay safe for the time being and see you next Saturday!


	11. Everything is a clue

**WARNING: EXTREME VIOLENCE (GORE)**

**Chapter 11 - Everything is a clue**

It was cold today in Gotham, just like any other day, nothing of special and nothing new. Beverly was staring at me with a friendly expression on her face, waiting for me to let more things escape this time.

  
I was also awaiting the same, but I still try to fight against the mind block that doesn't allow me to trust anyone. She changed rooms, the current one was smaller and we were closer to each other. The room smelled like lemon and bleach. It also had a incense smell mixed in it. My chair was comfortable and a purple pillow was easing the tension on my arms. 

  
\- Do you want to talk about what happened that night? - She asked real gently, as if she was entering dangerous territory. And maybe she really was.

  
\- Maybe not.

  
\- Ok, no pressure.

  
And silence reigns again. I was just able to hear my own breathing. We spent a time facing each other, maybe she had planned that silence from the beginning, maybe she knew how much I feel pressured in moments like that, I didn't wanted to tell her that so I just tried to avoid her eyes as much as I could.

  
\- He was there and no one believes me. - I couldn't face her, I felt I would cry any moment. My heart was already accelerating gradually as I remembered more the stuff that happened and how people think I'm even more insane because of it.

  
\- Does this frustrate you? Is that why you isn't letting yourself loose today? - She still speaks like she's speaking to a child.

  
I rolled up my eyes.

  
\- I don't know. I think I just want to vanish now.

  
\- Do you believe that vanishing will help you? Or do you just want to keep on denying what's happening?

  
\- I still dream about it. Richard chasing me through the woods wearing a bear costume and with a butcher's knife in his hands. - Some fat tears were coming out of my eyes now. - And then he found me and he started to choke me and it was all so real. - Richard's huge hands choking me, in my face there was a waterfall of tears. 

  
\- Panic attacks this intense show signs of post traumatic stress. In your case, it can last more than six months and it might not vanish completely, and you'll need to take more antidepressants. Do you feel guilty about what happened?

  
\- I feel guilty because nobody believes me.

  
\- Your impressions might be distorted now because it's natural to your brain to forget what caused you so much pain and horror. Damian still supports you, right?

  
\- I feel that he will abandon me at the first opportunity.

  
\- Do you feel like a burden?

  
\- Yes, and I'm getting ready for the moment that he'll finally get sick of me and find someone better.

  
\- Someone better, how do you picture someone better?

  
\- Someone that's not me. I don't know, someone that's not as disturbed. - Anquish was running through my body like poison ivy and it hurt me.

  
\- Have you spoke with him about this?

  
\- No. I don't think things will be fixed so easily, I don't even know if he still believes me.

  
\- You have to talk and to be honest with him, Jonathan. It's not a fast solution, but you need to take the first step. And why do you think he doesn't trust you anymore?

  
\- To tell you the truth, I don't even think "trusting Jon" was in his book at all. I don't even know where he is most of the time.

  
\- This is a dangerous field, trust is one of the main things needed to make a relationship work, and without it your relationship might break like glass, and you also think you're not supported by anyone.

  
\- Who the hell would support me?

  
\- Maybe your mother. - She spoke like she was trying to mean something. - She called earlier today, said she was worried about you.

  
\- She called you? - I blinked a lot of times trying to understand that information.

  
I didn't even knew where Lois was and I don't think she even wants to speak with me.

  
\- Said you spend too much time at school and that you ain't eating right.

  
Sure, I should have known.

  
Lois believed I was still home, probably locked up in my room without any kind of external contact. I suppose she was already used to observe that kind of my behaviour, so she didn't even notice I didn't went there for months now. So, is she worried about me? Does this mean that Damian lied to me?

  
\- I...

  
\- I also do think you should have a honest conversation with her.

  
Maybe this would fix things? To tell her how much she scared me? To tell her how much she influenced even the way I dressed sometimes?  
I still do like to wear my unicorn and my galaxy socks, thank you.

  
\- Do you think a conversation would be the first step to fix relationships?

  
\- Not a superfluous conversation, Jonatham, but a conversation that'll expose all of your fears, anxieties and frustrations. Have you ever sat with any of the two and told them how you really feel about your father's death and everything that's been happening so suddenly on your life?

  
\- No. - That didn't even occurred me at all. To tell them everything, how I really feel.

  
\- And I still have something else on my mind: how much did you try to avoid everything in your reality and how this made you take drugs. Something was really hurting you and you escaped the problem, can you identify something?

  
I denied with my head.

  
\- Well, unhappily our time's up. You'll have to take new pills, I got a professional recommendation. - Beverly got up and walked to her bookshelves. She was looking for something. Then I got up and took a deep breath, maybe my face wasn't so red now for Damian to notice. - It's a psychiatrist called Scott Bennett. - She handed me a minimalist card with his phone. - He can help you more with these emotional problems and get to the roots of the problem. - So she got near to me and put her arms around me. A friendly hug that almost lasted one minute. - Tell your mother I loved the pumpkin cake.

  
She opened the door before I could react and called for the next patient. The waiting room was almost empty, the only remaining patient entered the room as I left. Damian was in the waiting room near a coffee machine with a coffee cup on his hands and speaking on the phone. His voice seemed to be controlled, but I noticed rage as I got closer.  
He saw me and then turned it off quickly.

  
\- How was it? - I still could notice rage in his voice, even if he tried to disguise it all he could. Damian really didn't trust me and there was nothing I could do. Maybe if I showed him the picture of Richard I took yesterday, maybe he would believe me, but I had already decided to fix this alone.

  
\- Clarifying. - I said, thinking about giving more details, but I don't think I was ready for a showdown. - You do look tense, did something happened?

  
\- Just a little trouble with Gordon. - He held my hand. - Nothing you have to worry about.

  
You can also read it as: _"stay out of this."_

  
Was it really possible he was lying to my face?

  
\- Damian?

  
\- Yes? - He stopped walking and then looked at my eyes.

  
\- Do you promise he won't ever lie to me, at all? - I didn't notice any reaction, he was solid as a rock. He frowned, seemed to be confused about what I asked.

  
\- Why this now?

  
I held his hand even tighter. Please do not lie to me, I don't need this now.

  
\- Just promise. - I already had to deal with a madman after me, to lost the only support I have now is the confirmation I need to go after Richard and to prove I'm not insane. - Please.

  
\- I promise, Jon. I never lied to you and I never would lie to you.

  
You already lied, Damian.

🔪

The coffee alerted me. The cup was still hot in my hands while I watched a redheaded woman working on the garden with Alfred, I almost couldn't see them because of the fog of late afternoon. I was anxious and my hands were shaking.

  
I looked at my cellphone again, was I really afraid to call my mom? I was murmuring to myself as I put my cup on the side.

  
Barbara Gordon was home also, cooking something. Damian didn't wanted me to alone while he was out with Tim. I roll up my eyes again.

  
Richard also came to my mind, only the thought that he could be anywhere near me gave me the chills. Maybe he really was.

  
I looked harder to see if there was another silhouette along with Alfred's and Pamela's. The trees had weird outlines that seemed to move in a surreal way, I also could hear the owls so close. Only one hour left until we drowned in the night, I had to take these worries out of my mind.

  
The box of the pictures came back to mind, each piece of my life that were nothing but voids to my mind now. The thought left a bitter sensation of guilt on me, but I need to fix it alone, after all I was the one who put myself into this.

  
I need to trust myself completely.

\- You're even more adorable closer. - Pamela caught my attention, I turned my head towards her. She had a strong, red lipstick on and it fitted with her green clothes for taking care of the garden. Her red hair was huge. - Do you mind? - She pointed to the chair by my side while she took her dirty gloves out.

  
\- Not at all.

  
\- Thanks. It's hard to take care of flowers with this weather, but some are pretty resistant.

  
\- How did you grow them so fast? - Pamela had a natural talent for this, and her roses were so beautiful.

  
She was close now, close enough for me to smell roses in her clothes. She's pale and her cheeks frequently blushed for no apparent reason.  
Pamela blinked at me.

  
\- It's my secret. Timothy and Damian don't know how to take care of gardens and the plants would die if they simply touched them, so I have to show up once in a while.

  
\- I thought you were Tim's friend.

  
\- And I am, but I can't spare him from the truth. - Alfred stopped what he was doing and looked at us from the distance. - Are you okay?

  
I waved a "yes" without thinking twice. I laid my back on the chair and quickly smiled at her. I felt guilty for lying again. Actually, I felt like I was going to tumble down again.

  
\- I'm just a little tired, and I still got homework to do.

  
\- Are you sure there's nothing else on your mind?

  
Somehow it was like she knew. Not that I lied, but she seemed to know what was going through my mind, or perhaps she thought she knows. Damian and Tim probably told her something, Pamela was really close to them so it's no surprise. Maybe she's also here to keep an eye on me, just in case if I "go nuts" again and Richard shows up wearing his bear costume to kill me.

  
\- I have finished with the tomatoes. - Alfred told Pamela as he got in the balcony. He was holding a chest with red tomatoes, so perfectly round that I wanted to eat them now.

  
\- See you later. - She waved briefly before going.

  
Now, completely alone here, I was thinking about searching the serial killers that had terrorized Gotham before. As I searched, I was still looking around me and noticing the ambient changing. Darkness was almost owning it and the fog was vanishing now. I couldn't handle the sensation of being watched.   
Then I just clicked on a blog from a investigative journalist called Esmeralda Solano. Her website aesthetics were pretty to look at, of course, taking into consideration her kind of content it wasn't a surprise to see the appreciation of the void.

  
I clicked the first thing that showed up and it got me to a video.  
 **"Who was the Joker?"**

A brief intro showing pictures of sinister cases and its descriptions with a piano playing, and then Esmeralda shows up in a dark scenario, I can see that there is a desk behind her and a red lumineer on top of it. She was a young adult and had a thick glass on her face, her brown hair was loose as she started her presentation speech.

  
- _Another case for you guys, this time we'll talk about the Joker. Before I go on and tell the case, I want to warn you because this one is a little sick and I going to cut a few details of his crimes. If you are sensitive, then I think you should go to a "lighter" case. -_ She said, emphasising the "lighter" as ironic. Would it be worthy to lost a night's sleep just to watch some murder case?  
Yes.

  
- _Now let's start the case. Arthur Fleck was born 1930, on April the 25th, in Nevada. His mother's pregnancy was really sudden and had a lot of rumours around it, but it was later discovered that Nora Fleck was raped by her own father._

  
Nora's pictures showed on the screen. She seemed to be a serious woman. She seemed to be celebrating Christmas along with Arthur and a few other people. Suddenly I wanted to puke.

  
\- _The pregnancy was too complicated, she puked so much that she had to go under strict medical supervision a lot of times and Arthur was at risk inside her belly. When Arthur was born, the doctors said he seemed to be dead. The relation with his mother wasn't healthy, she was a smoker and they said that Nora blamed Arthur for everything of wrong that happened to her. Arthur also was abused several times by the grandfather and by own mother, and he was also ridiculed by her, as she was extremely homophobic and religious, she thought the way Arthur behaved made him "too gay." He was beaten constantly and at school, people said he showed up with black marks._

  
The pictures of a child faking a smile showed up on the screen.

  
\- _There were rumours that the grandfather was connected to the KKK in 1920 and the connection to the terrorist group was confirmed the following years._

  
Those two men that attacked the Mexican restaurant came back to my mind. I killed them, somehow I killed them and now I feel as dirty as Richard Palmer.

  
\- _By fifteen years of age, he developed a rare condition that made him laugh especially when he was feeling the opposite of happiness. The bullying in school was also huge and one day he stabbed a classmate's eye with a pencil._

  
The picture was so vivid in my mind when the corpse's picture showed up. Arthur, taken by the fury and laughing at the same time, with his body shaking and his hand putting the pencil into the iris until it broke some optical nerves.

  
\- _It was then that Nora decided to move to Gotham. Before moving, Arthur's behaviour got a lot worse. When it was about 2 to 4 A.M. every night, Nora woke up with Arthur by her side, smiling and staring. In Gotham, he was able to keep a lot of jobs, but his colleagues didn't liked him. It was then that home invasions and mass murders started to happen. The survivors said that the murderers were all dressed as clowns and that they left a blood mark on all of the victims' houses. Some showed up with their face deformed and some smiling and then some others with a bashed skull._

  
The pictures of the group gathered showed up. They were three, and Arthur was probably the mind. They were lifting a United States flag stained with blood. I was panting now, I looked around. It was already night, but the lights on the garden relieved me. I felt the eyes in the middle of the trees, Richard just waiting to come out and stab me right in the middle of the eyes.

  
\- _As an adult, Arthur worked in a famous amusement park in Downtown Gotham and it was in the Horror Tunnel that he killed a lot of people. On the screen, I'm gonna be showing some pictures that I took of the place, completely abandoned now._

  
It was scary to think it was a park. Deformed and rusty toys, the carousel seemed like a portal to hell. Some old costumes laying on the ground and the famous horror tunnel.

  
\- As he was responsible for a cooking area of the park, he cooked the meat of some of his victims and nobody even noticed until three months. After a scandal, half of the population wanted to see the murderer dead, but he was sent to the Arkham Asylum. Months later, the place was set on fire and he escaped. Joker, as he was called by the press, spread chaos through Gotham until mysterious vanishing a year later.

  
Enough for me. This psycho was worse than the Eyes Thief. A new case suggestion showed up. **"The strange lights of Gotham."**

  
That certainly caught my attention and I knew I would regret later.

  
\- _That Gotham is filled with mystery and horrors, it's no secret for no one. Today we'll talk about the strange lights of Gotham, one of the most recent and weirdest happenings of this city._

  
I should stop now, but my curiosity was screaming and I felt that I should just watch this one more.

  
\- _This time, it happened on Otisburg district. It's a dangerous area of Gotham, and with Eyes Thief appearing, some rumours were also sparked. A couple that left a party claimed to have seen a huge creature near a light post. They said it had a goat's head and a deformed body with skeleton wings. So I don't even have to tell how the rumour of a satanic cult was created on Gotham. And how do the lights fit on this? Different people claim to have seen lights of various colours shining in an abandoned Catholic Church, and they also claimed they heard screaming. The government and the police said they are nothing but rumours and that the case was closely investigated by Richard Grayson, who ended being a victim of Richard Palmer. Yes, my friends, there's so many theories that Richard Palmer is connected to this satanic cult that I could spend hours just reading them._

  
That shocked me. Damian didn't tell me about this and certainly never told me about a cult.

  
_You can't trust him._

The whisper was close to me, I let my cellphone fall on the wooden desk while Esmeralda still was telling the scary reports about Otisburg. Katarina was approximating. She seemed to be more agitated today, seemed to have a red aura around her.

  
\- _Don't trust_ \- Her voice was suffocated, she also seemed to being carried by the wind. It was almost like an inaudible whisper, but so close at the same time. - _Don't trust._

  
\- Don't trust? Don't trust what? - I asked the ghost. Katarina started to walk slowly towards the woods, but her face was still turned at me.

  
_\- Damian is not who he tell he is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In who do you trust?   
> Damian?  
> Jon's paranoid visions?  
> Or the ghost girl?  
> The next chapter will be as shocking, you can bet.


	12. Everyone is a suspect

**Chapter 12 - Everyone is a suspect**

  
Is there something worse than expectations breaking? It's like a pain that eats you inside and makes your skin scream. Break of expectations and of trust. Sometimes I could remember how Lois looked at me, some expectation inside of her seemer to be broken, looking the same way at my brother while his sanity was still intact. I think I could understand the feeling now, it's bitter. Bad. My skin screamed again, the sounds around me distorted in a anxious melody that made me want to drug myself.

  
 _Biology_  
My homework seemed to be staring at me, judging me. Useless piece of paper.

  
\- So I didn't knew what to do and I did a joke with tomatoes. - Barbara was saying while she cut the tomatoes in symmetrical little pieces. Her stories about failed love stories were now my escape from reality, and it was actually comical. Pamela dragged me inside the house and put me on the table to do the homework. Alfred was cooking something tonight.

  
_It's poisoned. He wants to kill us._

  
The annoying voice seemed to be whispering on my ears, but I knew it was just my paranoia, but I still couldn't understand why he was protecting the killer, I know very well that what happened to me that night was real. The glass of the garden's door was fixed, almost seemed like nothing ever happened there. The door was reflective, I could see myself in it trying to keep concentrated; I also could notice Pamela's worried looks.

_They all want to kill us._

  
I looked at my notebook again. Endless questions about DNA were terrorizing me now. Sometimes when I turn the page and I take a quick look at the figures, I think I see Richard Palmer's face, or my mother's.

  
They changed most of the furniture. Everything in the kitchen was grey, from the coffee machine to the sippy cups. The only non-grey elements of the picture were roses and a transparent bowl filled with strawberries. A brief image of a bowl filled with blood appeared on my mind. Does it taste like strawberry too?  
That viscous liquid staining my lips and filling my mouth with the acid and sweet taste.

  
\- Jon? - Pamela gently touched my shoulder. - I hope you like the vegan recipe.

  
\- He'll have to like it, Damian is vegan and it won't take long for Jon to get sick of meat as well. - Barbara said as she finished the tomatoes. Pamela mixed little pieces of garlic with shoyu and salt. She was mixing the ingredients fast and I could feel how much she was concentrated. She kept doing what she was doing as I looked to Alfred, whom was also looking at Pamela. It was hard to know if he likes what's he going to eat or not.

  
\- Well, my current boyfriend still thinks my dad went a little over top the last time we met for dinner. - Barbara kept telling her stories. - He's so worried he almost doesn't let me...

  
Pamela interrupted her with a glaring look. 

  
_Bingo!_

  
I knew something had happened here right on my face. I closed my notebook immediately and I left the kitchen.

  
\- I'm going to finish my homework in the room. - I said while walking in a rush.

  
I took a deep breath of relief as I got far, and I also felt less watched. The house was partially dark, the paintings seemed to follow me with their eyes, so I didn't look to the sides. I climbed the stairs and I went to one of the only rooms I knew in this enormous place. Sometimes I thought of going to the last room in the hall or even to explore the entire mansion, but I also thought it was better to not do it.

  
Especially now.

  
Damian's decoration still made it look like his room came out of a decoration catalogue, but I'd rather to not question it. He's too perfectionist. I threw my notebook at the bed and I bit my lip. In a certain way, this pain helped me concentrate, didn't let my mind go through past and future, and of course, it helped to develop a plan of what's to do now. Maybe my mother knows what to do, she's the only one that comes to mind now and this is so frustrating. The feeling of being impotent because I know I can't do a lot for myself, I'm just a madman that a rich boy feels pleased to keep around.

  
The box of photographs in the desk also terrorized me. All the parts of my life thay were taken from me because of me, it's a heavy load to carry.  
I wanted to scream, to scratch myself, to let go all the frustration that was killing me inside and making me sick, but I couldn't take the chance to ruin even more my image around here.

  
What if I deliver myself at once to Richard?  
No. Yes?

  
\- I'm sorry for the delay. - Damian's voice got me out of my depressive wave. I didn't notice that he was coming and that I left the door open. Genius. - I didn't thought it was going to be so long. - His voice seemed really tense and again I just wanted to know a way to calm him down. He was wearing a tight black sweater, and it seemed wet near the stomach. Damian was wearing green gloves, was it too cold out there?

  
\- Why are you using gloves?

  
\- Pamela told me you were here. - He tried to avoid the question, but I was quicker and I held his hips tightly.

  
\- What's this? - I asked putting my belly on his wet belly, which generated a suspect reaction. Damian pushed me back with a light moaning of pain and an expression of somebody who was caught lying. - Dami, what happened to you?

  
\- Nothing, I'm fine. - He was still trying to push me gently, but I stood my ground. For a moment I thought I was teasing a tiger and that I would regret later, but right now I need to know.

  
\- Have you hurt yourself?

  
\- I already told you I'm fucking well! - He almost screamed grabbing my shoulders. Noticing what he had just done, he looked at the ground, seeming to be unsatisfied. Damian was also bitting his lips and his emerald eyes were like arrows now. - I'm sorry, today was intense. - Admitted. Then he sighed and lowered his eyes.

  
\- Alright. You hurt yourself, didn't you? - This time I touched it carefully. Damian nodded. - Did you fight in the street again? - He nodded again. - Come then. I'll help you with this.

  
I helped him to take off the sweater, I blushed when I felt my hands touching his hot and sweet skin. We walked together to the bathroom and I helped him to take off the trousers. The floor was really cold now, but I was kneeling near him as he entered the empty bathtub.

  
\- Don't you want to tell me what happened? - I asked him again as I saw the injury. It was like he was almost stabbed, it didn't seem so alarming, but really painful. Damian said "no" with his head. Stubborn. - Does Tim know about this?

  
\- He was there with me, Jon. - I frowned, surprised. Tim seems so calm and balanced. No, there's something wrong about this, it's not even close to being the injuries of a street fight, I'm not so dumb to believe this, Dami.

  
We made a promise.

  
He's playing with our feelings.

  
I tried to ignore that malicious voice of my subconscious. I helped him with the injury and sometimes he moaned lowly.

  
\- You wouldn't be going through this if you knew how to control your impulses.

  
Damian rolled his eyes as an asnwer.

  
As a few minutes passed, Pamela knoced on the door and said dinner was served.

  
\- You can go first, I need to see a few things. - Damian said sitting in his chair and turning on his netbook. - I promise I won't take long.

  
I went.

  
My cheeks were finally "de-blushing" now. Everytime I have these intimate moments with him I feel like it's the first time. My thoughts suddenly stopped as I saw something horrible. Tim's office was close to Dami's room, I always pass by it and I knew Tim was inside, always with the door locked. The door was semiopen this time and I could take a look inside, it was dark there but taking a closer look I was able to see Katarina's bloody face and her milky eyes looking at me, at least I thought it was Katarina, but her face gave me different vibes. I faced it for a time until it moved back inside.

  
It's all in my head.

  
🔪

The eggplants were wonderful. Barbara always relieved moments of tension in the dining room, I think she noticed how paranoid I was, looking to all directions. Pamela e Damian were very elegant by the table and they ate very slowly, what made me feel bad about myself for a moment.

  
I found out Pamela would marry a woman named Harleen Quinzel, a psychiatrist who was currently developing a project in a Vancouver university.

  
\- You were a little alike, and she told you bad jokes. - Pamela was remembering with a sweet smile.

  
Damian and Tim didn't spoke much. The tension between them wasn't very subtle and Tim even avoided looking at me. I wanted to get up that table and force them to eat all those eggplants at once.

  
The dinner lasted until every candle was out of fire.

  
I was already too tired when Pamela and Barbara left. Damian was still putting all his attention to a computer file. I laid in the bed to recover.

  
I opened my eyes scared when I felt my body being gently shaken. The weak sunlight, a rare sight in Gotham, was coming through the curtains. I didn't realize I had slept. To me, it was now like just a few minutes passed. We were getting ready together for school, how I missed this routine.

  
Sun didn't last long, soon the greyish clouds overtook the horizon again. The city seemed emptier to me, but I decided to ignore it. Kathy and Colin were also weird this morning, they just started to treat me like a glass doll and that treatment made me feel suffocated. The chemistry class was over fast, one of the only ones I have with Damian.

At lunchtime, I spent in library reading some Turtles by John Green, it was short so I read it halfway.

  
Katarina showed up again, the same way as yesterday, rotten. I felt like she was trying to warn me something, but I didn't know what.

  
The day passed by like the blink of an eye and then we were going back home along with Kathy and Colin.

  
\- Colin discovered his love for drama club and now he pisses me off about it. - Kathy was telling Damian. I didn't care for the rest of the conversation, I just watched the trees. Pine trees, we are close to the mansion. My head was already hurting of how many homework I had to do now. Sigh. - I convinced Damian to buy me some food. Do you want to enjoy his money with me? - Kathy asked me with a triumphant smile.

  
\- Don't be so excited, the bet was to pay you a pizza. - Damian said.

  
\- I won the bet. I can change whatever the fuck I want.

  
Damian just looked at her like someone who would win in the end.

\- No. I have a lot of homework to do. I want to keep my grades up high. - I explained to her with a weird smile. - I'm sorry.

  
\- Oh, don't be sorry about that! At least you still care.

🔪

They left me on the mansion and they were gone discussing with each other again. Alfred was cleaning something in the library so I took the chance to lock myself in our room and immerse completely in algebra.

  
With numbers, Damian was way smarter than me, so I think I should asked for his help.

  
\- Hmm, I should leave it for later. - And then I went to the report about the polemic book Madame Bovary, by Gustave Flaubert. I took at least three hours to write all my report carefully and with all the details I wanted to put in. At least a good grade in this ocean of disappointments. My stomach roared as I opened the history book, so I decided to go check if those strawberries from the kitchen were still good. The hall was so cold I felt that I was in another world, the difference of the temperature between rooms in this mansion was simply too weird even for me. My steps were echoing through the hall, what just raised my feeling of uncomfortable, so I froze into place when I saw a shadow running through the hall behind me and a door making noises.

  
There she was again. The phantom of Katarina, staring at me through Tim's office's door.

  
What if?

  
When I gently opened the door, the girl wasn't there anymore. It was a windowless room, so I took a little time until I was able to turn the lights. There's a strong smell of caffeine and wax here. There was a telephone out of the hook in Tim's table and huge wardrobes on the wall, there was also a mirror in the front of the door, where I could see that retard face of mine. The carpet was weird and it had red stains. I frowned, confused, there seemed to be nothing of special here, but I looked around anyway.  
There were photographs of Tim with Bruce, Damian and other boys. One of them was Richard Grayson. There was one of Tim with the police department as well. His table was full of papers and something caught my attention. There was a familiar picture.

**Claudia Lane**   
**MISSING**

It was a skinny and pale woman, a serious face. Her hair was black and extremely short. She seemed to be distracted in a shopping on the photo. What's this? There were some more too, in one of them I recognized an aunt of mine.

**Lucy Lane**   
**MISSING**

Would these be the secret victims of the Eyes Thief? I sat on the chair and I started to look for more. I found random and useless files. I searched in the drawers too and finally found more.

**Lois Lane**   
**Alive. Dangerous.**

**Conner Jerome**   
**DEAD**

**Jonathan Samuel Kent.**   
**Dangerous. Unstable.**

The jigsaw puzzle finally seemed to be fixing itself. Maybe this explains the behaviour of everyone from the beginning. Dangerous and unstable? Does Damian think that?  
What if

  
Of course. Because I am considered unstable and dangerous he needs to keep me around. Do I need to be under his watch to not hurt people? My cheeks were now hurting and tears were blurring my eyes. I could see the lights blinking again. I kept searching for more, maybe it wasn't what I was thinking, right?

  
I didn't found anything else other than a name adjourned to Lois's. Sam Lane, who is missing.

  
There must be notes about this somewhere. I got up suddenly and I went towards the first drawers I saw, I threw all the papers in the ground to help my search.  
I went through a lot of past cases and as each minute passed, I was not only throwing the papers but also the drawers.

  
\- You need to keep notes about this someplace, Mr. Detective Failure. - I murmured, blinded by hate. A lot of feelings were passing by me right now, but the worst of them and bitterest was the feeling of betrayal. I was feeling so lost now, I thought him was the only person I could really hold and trust. But now everything's tumbling down like a castle made of sand.

  
My cheeks were burning.

  
My stomach was turning and turning.

  
There was a weight that kept me from thinking clearly.

  
All at once.

  
\- Jon?

  
I stopped and looked at Damian standing by the door.

  
\- Ok. Stay calm, it's not what you're thinking.

  
The floor seemed to be shaking below me now. Something seemed to be taking possession of me now, I couldn't think straight. Then a lamp exploded.

  
\- _It's not what I think?_ \- I threw all the proof in his face. - _All this shit is not what I think? Dangerous and unstable?_

  
\- Jon, listen to me please. - He tried to get close, but now I just feel disgusted by the idea of he touching me.

  
\- _Stay away from me._

  
\- Jon, this is really not what you think it is. Richard Palmer is not who you think he is, your family is linked to him somehow.

  
\- _Somehow?! What are you talking about?_ \- I didn't recognize who was in front of me, the only good memories of us two were being destroyed right now. Like pictures being burned. - _How many memories have you invented about me?_ \- The idea had never been on my mind before, but that was what I could think of him now. I could almost see how he carefully thinks about what he's about to say to not make me break down aggressively. Maybe like how he thinks it was the night that Richard attacked. A breakdown.

  
\- I would never lie to you about your memories, Jon. - His voice almost broke, like if he needed me to believe it, and I almost believed. - I would never do this, it's something too personal, I would never lie about us. I never lied about what I really feel for you.

  
Everything was happening at once. A lot of feelings suffocating me. Rage. Disgust. Anquish. Hurt. To this point I wasn't even able to control my tears, and things were happening around us.

  
\- _What is happening?_ \- Papers were being lifted in the room, creating a little hurricane around us.

  
\- It's what I trying to tell you from the beginning. - Everything I could remember about Damian was going in my mind now like a film. When he said he never treated me well when we were younger, is he a sadist? It doesn't like anything to me but like it now. Suddenly my body was invaded by deadly hate and I felt suffocated. - You need to listen only to my voice now. - The time he helped me in the bathroom because of the panic attack. - And calm down. - He touched gently in my arm and it was like he provoked the rage of a volcano.

  
- _STAY AWAY FROM ME!_ \- And it was like an explosion. The mirror behind me shattered like it was hit hard by the other side of the wall. The lamps of the room blew up above us, the papers were catching fire and I could feel rage dominating me.

  
Huge and sharp pieces of the mirror were flying all around the room. Some hit the wallpaper and then stayed attached to the wall like knives, the others hit the desks and drawers, and one hit the left eye of Damian.

And the ecstasy was gone.

  
Now Damian was fainted in the floor, I don't know if he was dead or not, but blood was flowing from his eyes. He was breathing with some effort, but looking at his suffering I only felt satisfied, now he feels what I felt for years.

  
With the tears still falling, I looked up and I saw Richard Palmer smiling, standing right out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm going to tell you is that masks will fall in the next chapter!
> 
> Also, sorry for any possible typos, there's a few chapters I'm translating in a rush and I don't notice them.  
> Stay safe and see you saturday!


	13. Round up the usual suspects

**Chapter 13 - Round up the usual suspects**

I didn't had the time to question whatever was happening now. Damian's blood was flowing and painting the floor with a bright red. He was still alive, I could feel it, even though his breathing seemed like an old radio's static. His body was laying in front of me, but all I could was stand and look at the curious figure in front of me. Richard was looking the same way as he was looking on our last encounters, but he was smelling worse now.

  
\- And finally the jigsaw is being solved. - Richard whispered to me. - Everything connects as it should.

  
I frowned.

  
\- What's happening here? - I asked him, looking around. The office was looking like a place of destruction. Burnt papers, the shattered mirror and a piece of glass sticking on Damian's eye.

  
\- Come with me, child. - Richard was giving me his hand. What's here for me? Lies and betrayal? - You deserve to know the truth. - Should I trust a murderer? - I'm going to show you the truth.

  
Who I am to judge? My hands are also stained with blood. I might not have killed my most trusted one now, but I killed before. Death was part of me as much as it was part of Richard. I passed by Damian taking a last look. His lips were open and his spared eye was closed. He's just sleeping calmly now, I hope Alfred finds him before he wakes and spare him from a terrible pain. Now I need to run. My fingers touched Richard's and we walked together through the woods.

  
Richard seemed to have a certain sensibility while he touched my hand. He was murmuring some things I couldn't understand since the moment we left the mansion through the kitchen's door. I felt like a part of me was taken away, like someone roughly took a part of my soul, it was a kind of silent pain, but suffocating. Richard seemed to understand this.

  
We walked for a few more time. The fog was getting thicker as we entered the woods. I didn't asked him where he was taking me, I don't think it was necessary to, and it was better if he takes me far away from there after all. The tall trees were getting drier and a lot of leaves were on the ground. Come Autumn.

  
\- You know, we are both a lot alike. - Richard started to speak in his ghostly voice. It was like he was already dead inside, even his hand was cold to touch. - You can't understand this now, but we are really a lot more alike than what you think.

  
\- We are both considered dangerous by them?

  
Richard slowly turned to my direction. I could notice a white stain in his right eye and something yellow and watery above it coming out of the skin. His expression seemed to be frozen since the first time I saw it.

  
\- Our connection is way deeper. Circles of family trees connect themselves now for a single purpose.  
\- You didn't wanted to kill me that day, did you?

  
\- I wanted to wake you. - After the confirmation, Richard started to walk faster, but still respecting my own speed.

  
\- Wake? - I ask him. He didn't answer, we just kept walking silently. The silence was now really disturbing, I couldn't even hear the birds singing or the trees shaking, a cold wind blowing.

  
Far away I was able to see a cave shaped in "M." I could feel a weird presence accompanying us from the moment we got close to the cave, someone or something spying on us from far away. Was Richard always the one watching me? Or was it somebody, _something_ else?

  
\- Wake in you something that was long asleep. - He guided me into the cave. Inside of it, it was really hot. Our steps echoed through the cave, in the darkness by the side of my eye I could notice shadows taking form and moving slowly around us. The light of the entrance was vanishing slowly, making us enter a total darkness. Richard knew exactly where we were going and he suddenly stop. - You need to wake, Jon.

  
\- Who are you? - I asked, trying to find him in the darkness. I couldn't even hear his breathing, there was no sign he was even there with me other than his cold hand holding mine.

  
\- Who are _you_? - Richard asked back. We remained silently for a moment. My breathing was the only audible thing. I bit my inferior lip strongly, bothered by the seconds passing. - We're fruits of the same tree.

  
\- What do you mean?

  
\- Lois woke up on the end of the World War I. She had a son with one soldier, and killed him afterwards. His vitality is still in her soul cage.

  
I frowned. Now I'm regretting that I followed this madman here. It was better to be put in a prison cell or to let them put me in a mental hospital for killing Damian.

  
\- But World War I ended in 1918!

  
\- But she was old enough anyway. Lois was still mourning the death of her best friend at that time, queen Victoria of the United Kingdom.

  
I tried to loose my hand from a sudden tight.

  
\- What do you want from me? - I asked him, scared. I tried to push him away with all the strength in my body.

  
\- I want you to understand what's happening, I want this circle to start at once!

  
\- WHO ARE YOU? - The scream echoed through the cavern, waking up a few bats that went flying directionless. I could feel his toes on my flesh.

  
\- We're united by the same blood, my grandson.

_What?_

  
Richard let go of my arm and I could feel he was walking away slowly.

  
\- None of her children was good enough to fulfill what she wanted, but you, my grandson, was the perfect child. Just like all of my daughters were just mad, less for Lois. Lois was always perfect.

  
\- THIS IS A LIE! YOU'RE MAD!

  
\- To kill those men was pleasant, wasn't it?

  
I didn't think twice about running, escaping from that madman that was claiming to be my grandfather after trying to kill me. My heart was beating really fast and I could feel tears coming out of my eyes. Before successfully running away from the murderer, I felt a stone hitting my head.

  
\- I'm just doing this because I want what is best for you. I want what is the best for all of us. - And he kept on hitting my head with the stone. After three painful beatings, it was aching so unbearably thay I felt I was about to faint now.

🔪

When I opened my eyes I couldn't see right and I wasn't able to identify where I was, but I knew I wasn't in the cave anymore. Seemed like I had just awake from a dreamless sleep, just diving into darkness. I felt my head aching on the back side and everything was spinning. A migraine was storming my brain and making it really hard to think. I was trying to get up with a lot of effort. I took a deep breath before trying again, the impulse almost made me puke, it was like my stomach just became a washing machine.  
After a few minutes, I was able to see where I was.

  
The building where I lived with my mother was standing by my side, like if it was something menacing. The forest nu the side of the buildings weren't really huge especially because some people feared wild animals attacking, something very common in Gotham. I can remember it very well because of how my mom spoke about how dangerous it was to walk through the town's forests. The air seemed to be filled with Lois' perfume.

  
_None of her children was good enough to fulfill what she wanted, but you, my grandson, was the perfect child. Just like all of my daughters were just mad, less for Lois. Lois was always perfect._

  
Richard's woods came back to my mind and tormented me.

  
Was Richard my grandfather? So who was Sam Lane? Lois always spoke about her father being a tormented general who killed himself after she married my father. So maybe that was only another one of Richard's sick little games. Maybe.

My mother was dancing in the kitchen. I could hear the classical music playing, she was still wearing that evil queen costume, the long black dress, the crown with purple glitter poured all over it, the shoes that seemed to be made of crystal.

  
\- Mother?

  
Lois stopped suddenly, her hands lifted in the air and then she walked towards me, touching my cheeks like if they were the world's most delicate things.

  
\- And everything is connected again. - She says looking at the blood on my face.

  
\- What? - I tried to ask, but she was looking at me with a frozen expression. It seemed to take hours until she fell into reality again.

  
\- Ohh - She smiled. - You did take a long time at school, honey! - She hugged me tightly, there was something rotten coming from her. - I hope you carefully thought about the proposal I made you last night.

  
\- What proposal?

  
\- Of moving to New Orleans, of course!

  
I put my hand on my mouth. How come? What the hell is she talking about?

  
\- I thought you and me had agreed that Gotham isn't a good place for us, and it's not like it's difficult, you don't have any friends here and I wanted to move since your father died.

  
\- I have Damian. - That came out unconsciously. I had Damian and now I have nothing.

  
She seemed to remember something. - You're not talking about _that_ boy, are you? - She spoke in a purely disgusted way, I looked at her stunned.

  
\- Damian Wayne.

  
\- Damian Wayne. Of course. I always knew he was a bad influence to you since childhood, you don't remember how that boy was raised, how he was bad too you then! I can't believe you don't remember the conversation we had last night after you broke down in the bathroom.

  
\- Nope, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that it seems like you want to make things even worse than what they already are! - I thought talking to Lois again would be great, but now I can remember it's impossible to have a coherent conversation here.

  
\- I'm just thinking about your wellbeing, Jonathan. - She came towards me slowly, I was panting now. She put her hand softly in my cheek and looked at me with the eyes of a careful mother. - Your father always spoiled you. He raised you the wrong way.

  
\- What does he got to do with this conversation? What the hell does he got to do with any of this?

  
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in the inners of my cheek, and quickly my body turned to my side, I almost lost my balance, but I could myself to a glass skeleton stuck in a iron bar to the ground, near a bookshelf of her romance books.

  
She slapped me

  
_She fucking slapped me!_

  
\- Jon, I'm sorry, I'm... - She tried to hug me, but I just kicked her. Tears were falling through my hot, red cheeks.

  
\- Stay away from me! You're just like all of them! - I almost screamed, without looking at her and walking quickly to my room, planning on how I'll put everything I can inside my backpack.

  
I take a deep breath. I didn't know what I would do or where I would go, but here isn't safe for me anymore. Tears were falling harder, I put my notebook in the backpack and sat on my bed, thinking about how I'll look bad after crying a lot, just like I took a beating instead of one simple slap from my mother, my hands were shaking as I felt the adrenaline running through my veins.

  
It's not safe for you, Jon.  
It's not safe.  
It's not safe.

Damian's voice came back to my mind all the time, Katarina's face, Richard Palmer, everything hurting my mind and killing me even more inside. I was about to have a panic attack here, I need to leave quickly!

  
I put the rest of my clothes in, but a blue jeans accidentally fell near the bed and I kneeled to get it, it was then that I saw something that caught my attention. A line of a black liquid on the ground.

  
I wide my eyes and I put my hand down there. I grab something and I bring it outside.  
What is happening?

A transparent box, inside of it there were eyes, human eyes. Remains of candles and pins. Words written in runes. One wasn't, and I recognized it.

  
**Vägled mig**

  
I started to scream, letting the box slip from my hands.

  
\- WHAT THE FUCK? MOTHER! MOTHER!

  
I couldn't move, when I looked at the door, she was there. This time without the crown, her red hair on her shoulders and an enigmatic face on, it was impossible to know what was going on Lois' head now.

  
\- I always thought you would never find out, everything was too perfect.

  
\- What are you talking about? - I demanded to know.

  
She smiled, tears coming out of her eyes.

  
\- You just needed to keep your eyes wide shut, without seeing anything.

  
\- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - I yelled, getting up from the ground. I quickly put the backpack on my back, but I didn't know how to react to this, was she who put it below my bed? - Was you who did it?

  
\- You never took drugs, Jon.

  
I wasn't able to breathe anymore. I was just frozen into the place. It didn't make any sense, nothing made any sense at all.

  
\- What...

  
\- And now you want to run away from me, but I won't let you. - Her face was really scary now, she had a hateful expression and a maniacal smile. - I won't let them take you away from me again, Jon. Never again!

  
\- It was you... that killed daddy?

  
\- I killed them all, Jon! And I left you for last... my last sacrifice and the key to finally achieving what I always wanted.

  
I didn't await for one more word coming from her, I just ran as fast as I could, pushing her in the way. She screamed as she fell on her knees in the ground, I heard the sound of her bones clicking, but I ran anyway, without looking back.

  
The hall seemed way bigger and I almost got caught in the fake spider web. The backpack seemed heavier now and I was breathing so fast that I almost wasn't breathing at all.

  
\- Jon! Jooon!

  
I kept running to the exit. I just kept on running and never looked back. My cheek was still hurting, and the pain in my chest was almost unbearable. I will never come back again.

  
\- Without you, I will die! - She screamed, maybe she was crawling, especially because the sound's coming from the ground. I allowed me to quickly take a look behind and I just saw the remains of someone who I used to love, Lois was crying and screaming, she lifted her hand and with the lips shaking she screamed for one last time. - Vägled mig!  
Everything around me went down a distortion spiral. The huge spiders of the hall came to life, their paws walking quickly through the webs made me want to puke, the smell of the apartment changed, it became something more rotten, like if there were a lot of dead animals in decomposition there.

  
The human parts of the decoration also seemed more realistic, and more rotten.

  
\- What the... - I came back. I had to, but not to her claws, she was still getting up from the ground, so I quickly ran to her room, the door was open and everything was dark inside there. I shut the door and I looked for the key in the keyhole, for some miracle it was there, and I didn't think twice before locking the door.

  
Now I need to find a window, break it and try to run away somehow. I was touching the walls with my hand, trying to turn the lights on. When I finally found it and turned them on, a retching suddenly came and I wasn't able to control it.

  
There were bodies there.

  
Some were leg and armless, and one was headless. All my breakfast came out at once, the acid smell of that just made me want to puke more. I recognized one of the bodies as being Rachel Roth, the eyes were taken out, the arms too, and the smell coming from it was horrible.

  
All of them were kneeling together, sitting perfectly like if they were dolls. Kneeling and pointing to the horizon. A little altar was there, black and red candles were lighting my face. I recognized that picture, Lois was by my side, but she was taken out on that picture. There was also the body of a little bluebird, ants were devouring it now.  
I crawled through the room, to the red curtain I saw near the bodies. It was then that I recognized another. Tears quickly filled my eyes.

  
Daddy.

  
His body was completely burnt, his face deformed. The glasses were still there, the eyes, however, were taken. I puked even more after I recognized who was by his side.  
Richard Palmer.

When I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head, the black points also came back.

  
\- You can't go! - She hit me with something heavy on my head twice until I finally felt I was going to faint. - You can't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today, I hope you enjoyed it and see you next Saturday!


	14. Houston Mental Health Institute, part 1

**CHAPTER 14 - Houston Mental Health Institute, part 1**

**One year ago**

I sigh on the moment that Mrs. Stetson takes my cellphone after my daily 10 minutes of use, which also reminded me that I have a group therapy ad another session with Dr. Henry Sunderland now. My birthday is tomorrow and my boyfriend didn't show up, but I think I can understand his side, if I was dating a junkie, I would also pretend he doesn't exist.  
Coming from Damian, it was pretty common; he had hard times to show his feelings clearly. My father won't come visit me today, he said had to take care of my brother's funeral, who died because of sleep deprivation, completely isolated in his apartment.  
I'm still sitting on the Institute's reception, Mrs. Stetson wasn't looking at me with a very gently expression, I knew she was expelling me with her eyes, the patients couldn't stay here, maybe they were just afraid they would run to freedom, it's really tempting, but I have so much to lose.  
I don't want to be thinking about this now, I don't need to hurt myself thinking about this, like my psychiatrist always said: ban these thoughts from your mind and stay clean.  
\- Jon, I think you have group therapy now, don't you? - Mrs. Stenson said, looking at me with a face that wanted me to vanish right now. Behind her, the great sun in the wall was circling the Institute's name, looking at it like this it seemed to be a kid's place rather than a cold and lonely one.  
\- Thanks for reminding me! - I got up and smiled at her. - Have a nice day, Mrs. Stetson. - I went through the white halls towards the auditorium, some of the most important psychiatrists there with their cured patients.   
I want to be one of them and get out of here soon. Not like I'm in a bad place, I particularly love the gastronomic class that they give here, but this place gives me the creeps and most of the time it's more like jail, and the worse is that no one comes to visit me, everyday since I interned myself here I wait in the visit room, a huge room with a lot of motivational quotes painted on the walls.  
If you can dream, you can do it  
Don't stop until you're proud

This bullshit, all of them on top of a rainbow and a smiley group holding each other's hands. I always sit on a chair with a round green pillow, I always bring something to be a companion. Sometimes I play chess by myself, sometimes I bring the old books with me. This room is cold, but the cold doesn't bother me. No one came visit me during all this time, not even for a 2-minute chat, I only received some calls from my father, I think those were three calls so far, the last one was the one he told me about my brother.  
My friends didn't show up, my mother didn't show up, my boyfriend didn't show up, but I was always awaiting, in hopes of someone showing up. It was on the third time that I met her. Her curly hair was loose that day, there was a woman by her side, she was wearing a fancy dress, she didn't stop complaining about something as I could overhear her speaking, but not without losing decency. She looked at me as tears were coming out of her eyes. I think she'd rather be me that day. We spoke after that, I found out she also got here by her own will, but the family was ashamed of her, so in every visitation day, her mother just got there to put at her face the mistakes of her past.  
I don't judge you.  
That's what I said.  
Of course you don't, you're as shitty as me.  
That's what she said.  
We became almost brothers after that day.

**🔪**

My mind was wandering about during the group therapy, I held to my memories, the only other thing that was left to me in that solitude. Doctor Thomas was more interested in the new kids right now and since the attentions weren't on me right now, I shut my eyes. I pictured some moments by my boyfriend's side.  
The Christmas night on which I gave him a cute sweater. I bought two, as I also used one.   
I can remember I wasn't able to control myself and spoiled the surprise, and he said he would burn my gift. My dog was also alive by then, but he died poisoned on the next February. My neighbours really hated animals.  
I don't know exactly how or why I started to take hallucinogens, but I know it came to a moment I wasn't able to control myself anymore and started to have alluciations everywhere and every hour, my anxiety became a disorder that gave the paranoia strength. I started to pant, I frowned still with my eyes shut, trying to think about something calmer.  
Another memory with Damian came to mind. The day he first kissed me.  
\- Jon? Want to join us? - Dr. Thomas woke me from my daydreams, I quickly opened my eyes and looked at her. She seemed to be on the expectations of me raising the new kids' self-esteem, her eyes almost begged me to say something positive or at least to control me so they don't give up at first.  
\- My name is Jonathan Kent, and I'm clean for 4 months. - I spoke, breaking the silence. The auditorium was cold, I saw no necessity for having three air conditioners here, but alright, it's not me who make the rules. There was a table with biscuits that I helped to cook this afternoon and some more bullshit of motivation and positivity. - I think I'm getting rid of my addictions slowly. - I smiled at some of the new ones. Especially an old man that seemed to be crying, I knew it was the last chance he had on his life, and I could bet he was shocked to see someone so young here, even though most of us were teenagers.  
\- And how were your first days here? - A woman asked.  
Shitty.  
\- As I think you can guess, pretty scary.  
She laughed a little. It's a start and Dr. Thomas is already looking proud at me.  
\- But with time, you'll be getting used to all of this, the people are really caring here. - It compensates for the emotional abandonment of the people out there, it was what I wanted to say but I bit my tongue before doing it. - And if you don't have your family's support, we compensate for it.  
One of the best parts of this Institute is how close we are.  
Dr. Thomas must be so proud of me now.  
At least someone's proud.

🔪

My old roommate was addicted to heroin. He went through two years of intensive and expensive treatment. Sometimes he woke puking in the middle of the night and hallucinated for one hour, then Mrs. Stetson would take him to the medical wing, which allowed me to enjoy the peace and the loneliness. He was insomniac and didn't let me sleep, said I needed to give up on the treatment and that I would kill myself. Sometimes I find him fainted in the back stairs, sometimes he stared at me intensively from the room's corner. He never was able to recover himself and it's been two months now since he killed himself drinking alcohol mixed with bleach.

Now that I am alone, I can think about what I did of wrong to start taking LSD. My parents don't come to see me, maybe they are too busy after my brother's death or simply they're ashamed of me. Damian also isn't coming, maybe I am a bad boyfriend? That's if we still have something

  
My room is cold, the walls are blue and they put some motivational quotes on my part of the wall, near my bed. There's a bookshelf close that exhibits a lot of old books. At the beginning, they let my medicines on table by the corner, but I believe I'm progressing on my treatment. Yesterday, a woman entered my room and sat on the edge of my bed and then she said she came to analyze how good my treatment was. Her name is Beverly Manson and she'll come tomorrow again.

She asked a few things about my personal life that made me uncomfortable. Her face was weirdly familiar, maybe I'm taking her for one of the thousand friends my mom has. I sigh and look at the protected window. It wasn't so big at all to escape through it, so why to put bars at it at all?

The ambient wasn't so big, but sometimes I feel like it was too big, sometimes I could felt someone breathing with some difficulty on the another bed when I awake in the middle of the dawn. I never know who it is, but I can feel the smell. It's rotten.  


During the afternoon, after sleeping for two hours after the group session, the things would became boring than average. I was on the visitation room now playing chess by myself and listening to the news on the TV placed right in the middle of the room. There were just a few people here today, and a few far away whispers. Katarina wasn't here today, and I didn't saw her mother neither.

\- And an arson happened last night and it burned a huge portion of the Gotham City Police Department and Commissioner Gordon displaced the detective who is suspect of starting the fire. A huge part of the proof and leads of the murders of three people was destroyed in the fire.

  
Mrs. Stetson showed up in the room after hearing the news and changed channels quickly, nothing should provoke panic in the patients. I got up and I walked towards her.

  
\- Can I grab my camera? - I asked, wary. I kinda of smiled, and she looked at me carefully and then raised an eyebrow.

  
\- You won't mail the pictures again, will you? - I took some pictures and I sent them to my father and to Damian, sometimes to my brother before I found out that he killed himself in the practically worst way possible. Shivers went through my backneck and my arms. I nodded negatively, this time I would keep them to myself.

  
She gave me the instant camera and a pack of 10 photographic films. I walked calmly to the backyard, Katarina was sitting on the grass, looking at the sunset. A really rare vision on this city of darkness. The illumination made her curly to look like fire, and her skin seemed to shine. Houston Mental's territory is huge and it's on the top of a hill, so we could take a good look at the sky. I knew that was the perfect moment to take a picture of her, and that's what I did, I positioned myself on the perfect angle while she was distracted, and on the last moment she looked at me and waved.

\- This camera makes you look like a stalker.

\- Thanks for the compliment. - The photo came out even better than what I had planned. - What are you doing here?

\- Have you ever seen a sunset like this one before? - She pointed to the horizon with her head.

\- Generally the end of the afternoon is foggy.

\- That is so sad. - She got close and hugged me tightly. I could feel her heart beating faster. - Thanks for being there for me yesterday. - She said close to my ear.

\- You're lucky no one heard it. - Katarina freaked out last night, she started to cry compulsively after another visits of her mother, in spite of be murmuring random and auto-derogatory words, she didn't wanted to tell me what happened.

\- I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here.

We were the only people that could stand by each other there. The only mutual support.

\- Come. - Katarina took the curled earphones of her pale neck and gave me the left one. - Let's get out of here.

We laid on the recently cut grass and Katarina put Agnes Obel to play in her iPhone.

I swear it is true  
The past isn't dead  
It's alive, it is happening  
In the back of my head

The melancholic voice made me to close my eyes and to analyze what reminded me of the past. Lois and Clark acting weirdly lately, Katarina's freaking out and Damian staying away from me again. The conviviality with him was always difficult, he never liked being my friend or even being seen with me by his "older" friends.

It still hurt, like spikes. And like how he always came back to me like if nothing had happened, it was always this way, it's like a cycle that always repeated itself. Sometimes I catched his guilty look on me, like he knew something I don't but I should.

  
_When I close my eyes_   
_With the stars and the moon_   
_I woke up in the night_   
_In the same place, no_   
_It's sailing before my eyes_   
_It's happening, it's happening, it's happening_   
_It's happening, it's happening_

I felt Katarina's fingers gently touching the palm of my hand and then she united our pinkies, like if I were about to make a childish promise.

\- You're the only thing I have in my life now. - She said without looking at me. She was just looking at the fatty, orange clouds in the sky. 

_It's happening, it's happening again_

\- I promise I'll never let you go.

Katarina suddenly got up and stared at me, but without letting my finger go. I could notice the tears shining in her eyes.

\- And I promise I'll never let you go, Jon.

_It's happening again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed this chapter!  
> See you;


	15. Houston mental health institute, part 2

**Chapter 15 -**   
**_Houston mental health institute, part 2_ **

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

\- Sometimes I dream about them. Their soft wings scratching my cold face, in my dreams I'm always dead and surrounded by blue birds. Small birds everywhere. - I smile at the last bit, trying to look at the ground. - In my dreams I feel connected, like if they wanted to take me someplace, or they just whisper comprehensible things in my ears. Sometimes I wake in a good mood when I dream about them.

  
\- Inspiring. Do you relate to the birds in any way? - Beverly got closer to me. I could feel curiosity shining in her eyes.

  
\- I suppose so. - It was really cold in the room, but I guess it was even colder outside.

  
\- Well, I have some good news to tell you later. - Beverly got up from my bed, but she was still looking at me, like a quirk fox. Is it a good idea to trust her? On the last days she was staring at me more than average. Katarina said sometimes she wasn't able to look away from my beauty, but I feel something... hungry in the eyes of that woman, something dark. I don't like to be near her.

  
\- What is it?

  
\- You'll find out on Dr. Henry's session today. - She kinda smiled and hugged me. Her colony was strong and it smelt like honey, it seemed to disguise another smell, a bad one. - See you, Jon. - She waved her hand and left my room.

  
Sigh

  
I can finally breathe relieved. This woman gives me chills.

  
My feet was shaking because I touched the cold floor, I was also shaking internally as I remembered how my roommate puked blood on the floor while he suffocated. It all came to my mind like a vicious cycle, Henry told me it was a trauma and that I needed to handle it without trying to "escape reality" again. Sometimes I spoke about this with Katarina, about how I feel that I don't fit this place, but that's how the addicts feel. I lay my head on my bed and I look at the roof.  
Sometimes I also ask myself when everything started to go bad in my life.

🔪

I entered his office after his last patient left. I smiled to show everything was going fine this late afternoon. His office had good lighting, he liked hotter colours and I missed that colour palette in this cold place. I greeted him and I sat on the leather chair. Henry was sitting at my front, silent and organizing his papers, then he looked at me and smiled.

  
\- Did we have any evolution this week with the medicine?

  
\- Good news! - I tried to speak like a journalist. - My hallucinations are officially over. - I hope he wasn't raising a lot of expectations, I had a tragic fall, but the distorted details still showed up rarely, and then I would get a pretty bad headache.

  
\- Great! If you keep like this, I dare to say that you'll be free to go in two weeks, back to your family.

  
Family.

  
\- My family is here, doctor. - I crossed my arms and looked at the window. Birds flying far in the sky, completely carefree, completely FREE to go where they wanted, any time they wanted. It was cold and wet out there, I don't need to be there to fell, I can tell by the dark clouds that are getting shaped in the sky. Katarina was my only family now. Henry looked at the same place I was looking, but I don't know if he was still able to see the birds, vanishing quickly into the rainy, dark... and hopeful horizon. I pointed.

  
\- Are you seeing them? The birds?

  
\- No, Jon. My sight isn't the same thing it used to be, I'm afraid. - He laughed so vividly that I almost laughed with him - But I can tell what you're thinking. You want to be one of them, don't you?

  
\- I don't know, I don't like to think too much, it generally makes me forget about everything around me and in the end I stumbles into someone.

  
\- Right, little dreamer, I'll pull your medicine for a week and we'll accompany you closely to see your body's reaction. If you reacts well, you'll be able to leave!  
It was exciting, at the same time it wasn't.

  
\- Great.

  
He looked at me for a time.

  
\- You don't seem to be particularly happy about the idea, Jon. Is there something happening? Didn't they come to visit you yet?

  
\- No, but I'm already used to it. On visitation time, I play chess with Katarina, just awaiting for her parents.

  
\- Maybe they'll show up today. - He tried to give me a hint of hope, but I knew it was useless.

  
\- My father is the only one I would hope, at least he still calls me..

  
\- What about your mother?

\- I can't even remember what she sounds like.

  
\- And Damian?

  
It was like Dr. Henry just touched a open wound. And he did touch.

  
\- He was always cold, distant in a way, so I'm not really surprised.

  
\- How did you meet? - He asked.

  
\- Our parents were friends since ever, so I met him as a child. He always was... cold and prideful.

  
Henry disguised a laugh.

  
\- I can't really be able to see how you made a healthy friendship with him.

  
I smiled at him.

  
\- I did not. It was impossible, I wanted to choke him at every moment! He was so... spoiled.

  
\- But this did change at some point, right?

  
\- I think we got closer when we hit 12, but as time passed, I knew something was different. We became boyfriends when we were 15, it wasn't something really spectacular since we almost weren't able to see each other, sometimes he avoided me purposefully and I know he hides something from me...

  
\- He seems like a complex kid, but... focus on the good times together, thinking he's hiding things from you will just worsen your anxiety.

  
I swallowed dried.

  
\- You're right. Lately I've been more attached to the good memories, but all of this tumbles down when I get reminded of all the times that he avoided me and of all the things he kept to himself... I just don't know what to do anymore...

\- How was the last time you saw him?

  
\- We fucked. - I wasn't really ashamed of telling this to Henry, we are so intimate now that I feel I can tell him anything. - But we got into a fight later.

  
\- I guess it was a bad fight.

  
\- But we fucked again later.

  
I can still remember that day, all the details are good as new in my memory just like it happened just a few moments ago...

Those were the last days of summer, and I didn't saw since it started, I thought he got sick of me, I thought about this while I was laying on my bed reading my books or simply looking to the street through the window. It wasn't so hot, at least not as much as I thought it would be, and just liked I expected, the sun also seemed to be made completely out of plastic here. But it's summer anyways, and it's one of my favourite seasons. I put my new addictive book down and I open the window, I smell the sweet smell of the recently sewn grass of my neighbour, and I feel the wind blowing in my face.

  
The city out there was still fucked up, but that definitely don't get my attention, the leaves of the trees were being shaken softly by the wind. I felt I was stuck in some kind of book about broken hearts in the summer, my out calmness joining my inner wounds, something really morbid to think about.  
Looking to the sidewalk, I noticed an unbelievable presence. He was there like if nothing had happened, looking straight at me with those pervy green eyes. How dare him vanishes through a whole summer and then coming back as if nothing had happened?

  
He jumped my garden fence, almost falling on the rosaries I cultivated very carefully through the season.

  
And just wanting to ruin my rosaries.

  
I should pick people more carefully.

  
\- Hey, Jon! Babe.

  
He knew I liked to be called like that. He knew I was mad at him, but I won't forgive him so soon.

  
\- Dami? What the hell are you doing? - I couldn't spill all my hate in just one phrase, and I don't think I would even be able to do so right now.

  
\- Can I come in? - He seemed to be begging and remorseful. Great, he knew about the shit he did and he probably would find a way to apologize.

  
\- GO BACK TO THE HOLE WHERE YOU HIDE THROUGH ALL THE SUMMER! - I yelled, this time I was able to make him get the message. I hoped he was going away, but Damian doesn't really give up easily.

  
\- Forgive me! - He was so sexy wearing that green summer shirt, I could see his arm muscles moving, he was with his backpack. He stood near a iron chair, one that I used to sit while I drank tea during white nights sometimes. - I got myself into some family trouble lately.

  
\- Screw yourself! - I yelled a little lower now. After all, I didn't want to bother the neighbours whose got nothing to do with this mess at all.

  
\- I bought you a gift!

  
\- Do you think you can buy me so easily, Damian Wayne? Do you really think that?

  
\- It's a book.

  
I thought about it for a minute.

  
\- You know the way. - I said at least, allowing him to come in. I felt I was going to regret it for the rest of the day, but he really owe me a lot of explaining! He vanished in the blink of an eye, probably getting in through the back door. My house wasn't so big, at least not when you compare it to his enormous mansion, so he knew how to find my room instantly.

  
I looked at the cover of Anne of Green Gables, and I wished she was here right now to give me some advice.

  
It didn't take long for him to show up opening my door.

  
\- Where did you learn to walk so fast? Where is my book? - I asked him, getting up from bed.

  
He opened his backpack and didn't even looked at what he was grabbing. He took a book with a beautiful cover. ONE MAN GUY was detailed in the cover.

  
\- I bought it for 80 cents in a books sale. The library was about to bankrupt.

  
I looked at him for a moment.

  
\- I loved it! Give it to me! Give it to me! - I ran to him like an anxious kid runs to get a gift. Suddenly, Damian kissed me, his hot lips pressing on mine, his tongue gently touched mine for a moment, then I felt his hand in my hips, getting me closer to him.

  
\- I thought you were bothered by "too much" affection. - I said ironically. Damian always was insecure about relationships. Well, with ours specifically since I was his first. He always posed like the bad boy, with ridiculous leather jackets and expressions made by someone that probably was sick, but he never was a slut.

  
He looked at me and said: - This is new for me, you know I'm adapting by little, especially because I'm under family pressure. Half of them wants to meet you. - He kissed me again.

  
My parents weren't home. My father went to my older brother's apartment to try and reason him, and my mother was somewhere. It was obvious what would happen later, but I wasn't expecting it.

  
\- I want to feel you again. - He whispered in my ear, giving me some chills. I can feel his heat and his strength, I could feel his desire. I got closer to him and then I could feel his erection, thick and hard, on my knee.

  
\- Aren't you ashamed? You go away for so long and now you show up wanting to fuck me?

  
His tongue slipped on my ear, seemed like he was possessed by some kind of sexual demon, I could feel his strong energy, something I never felt before...  
I put my fingers softly in his sweet black hair, the wind was blowing through the window again.

  
\- You can do what you want to. - I whispered for the last time. On the first time, he was so afraid about hurting me that he retreated too much, and I didn't want that again, I could take anything from that little one.

  
He looked at me a last time, maybe looking for a confirmation, but whatever, my face was frozen in a distorted expression of pleasure.

  
I felt that I was falling into some kind of dangerous temptation, I knew he wouldn't be around for the rest of the week and that's so frustrating.

  
But I try to focus on now. When I notice, he already took all my clothes, I don't know where the hell he threw my American Horror Story t-shirt, and in seconds he took out my blue shorts. Somehow I was able to unzip his trousers and get down to his knees, suddenly he grabbed my hands and "gently" pushed me, throwing me in the bed.

  
"Softly" he held my hands over my head and started to lick my neck. He seemed so hungry of this, like if he was waiting for a long time. His body was really hot and his muscles were tense.

  
I almost asked him to control himself a little, but I noticed I didn't wanted this, maybe I was loving that feeling of urgency and anxiety about what he was about to with me. I shut my eyes tightly, sighing when he lowered his fingers and gently grabbed my penis, I felt my cheeks blushing and I faced his eyes full of desire.

  
\- What are you doing? - I asked him between sighs and keeping a moaning from coming out, my eyes went from his face to his perfect body.

  
\- Why are you nervous?

  
\- I'm not.

  
\- Do you want me to stop?

  
\- Certainly now. - Damian smiled and put his fingers again on my penis, grabbing it tightly then.

  
\- You know, I've been wanting to fuck you again for a long time. - He spoke, raspily and suddenly putting a finger inside my ass, my heart was beating even faster as he put the second finger. - But I had to hold it. - Then he started to masturbate me slowly and he keep pounding with the two fingers and raising the speed progressively.

  
Damian gave me another violent kiss, moaning in a raspy tone a few centimetres apart from my lips, so he took out the fingers, leaving a feeling of emptiness there. I wanted to question him and order him to keep penetrating me with his fingers, but then I felt something hot and a little bigger than his fingers. I always wondered how that fit there.  
I looked at his dick, it was hard as a rock. 

  
\- Your lips are so soft. - He murmured on my ear, and then licked behind my head, another shiver going down my spine. Damian seemed to know all my weak points, not just in my body, I think he knew literally all my weaknesses, because he knew what he had to to make me calm and submissive to what the hell he was planning to do to me.  
So he easily penetrated my ass with his dick, I moaned. Damian pushed more my legs, I could feel his sharp nails in my skin and that was so exciting.

  
\- If you knew what's going on my mind right now... - He whispered while he pounded my ass. Little by little, he pounded even faster.

  
I was only panting and saying "please" a lot of times, nonstop. He put his right arm on my hips and with the left one, he put my arms around his neck. Then he started licking and sucking on my neck.

  
\- D-Dami - I was trying to hold my moaning, but I don't think I successfully did that, I forgot my window open, I hope none of the sounds are going to the street. - Deeper.  
\- So you want more?

  
Damian took it off a little just to put it even deeper. I scream loudly of pleasure. I opened my legs even more, my hair was loose on the pillow. I carefully watched Damian's face. Eyes closed and his lips were red after being bitten a lot. 

  
In a few minutes, Damian came inside of me and then me made me cum.

  
It didn't take long for us to fight again, and then fuck again.

🔪

\- You look really cute on this uniform. - Katarina said while she just finished adding flour to the mix of eggs, salt and sugar. That's what we did sometimes, we worked in the kitchen voluntarily. They gave a blue and green uniform so long that I felt in a boarding school. A French, old and annoying was playing nonstop on the chef's turntable. Angela Sparks, an annoying old lady. Most of the time, we bake bread for dinner. - I want to take a picture and keep it when we get out of here.

  
\- You're gonna torn it when we leave. - I said without looking at her, keeping my focus on my weird bread-in-the-making.

  
There were more patients here, obviously. Leonard Grosser was already finishing his on the first furnace. He was a crack addict for what I heard. Sometimes things get really boring here, so a little gossip isn't bad. He's shy and never looking anyone in the eyes.

  
\- Your dough is horrible, Jonathan. Do it again! - Angela said when she passed by my table. She didn't even looked at the dough right. - Your dough needs to be soft and it can't be gluing around your table, for god's sake! Do it right. - She's really rigorous. - Congratulations, Katarina, yours is excellent! - And she kept going to analyze the other patients.

  
\- Fuck! - I murmured.

  
\- Language, Mr. Kent. - Her French accent was more noticeable now. I could hear the laughing by my side.

  
\- You're horrible in the kitchen, Kent.

  
\- That's why I've been always more of a frozen food guy. - I answered her. I threw the dough I tried to save in the dump. This time I mixed it more carefully so I could get a more consistent and soft dough.

  
\- Your boyfriend never told you frozen food is bad to your health? - I heard the whisper in my ear.

  
\- A lot of times.

  
\- Don't you think he might be cheating on you right now? - Random questions like that always came to her mind and she always frowned and looked at the sky, looking for answers. She's going this right now. - Maybe mine's too.

  
\- It's not like I still would want anything. - The song seemed louder now. I noticed Angela raised the volume up and standing next to her turntable with her eyes closed, seemed like she was teleporting someplace else in her mind for what I could notice on her silly smile. Still in conversations I overheard, I learned her husband was killed in Paris. They also said it was the song thay played in their first date.

  
\- Tell me, Derek. - She spoke to the teenager sitting by my side, who seemed shy. - Do you know how to identify love when you feel it? - She asked still with her eyes closed.  
\- Don't think so, ma'am.

  
\- What a pity. What about you, Katarina?

\- I can notice it for my family. - Katarina answered as she touched my arm with her dirty fingers. It was really good to know I was the one she considered family.

Angela opened her eyes and smiled.

🔪

It was during the night that the paranoias came alive and somehow they seemed to breathe with me. Since I was left alone in my room, I felt watched, sometimes I looked quickly at the eyes of the wall, but I knew these were just in my mind. Anyway, I still kept on thinking about these eyes during midnight, with the stars shining in the sky, through my limited sight given by the window. Sometimes I could vividly feel Damian's hot breath behind my head, sending shivers down my spine. I do miss him, but I also do feel a pain in my chest when I remember that he forgot about me here.

  
Sometimes when I wake in the middle of the dawn, with the weak light of the bed lamp I was able to see my old roommate laying on his bed, looking at me with his empty eyes and his smell of dead animal. The visions seemed real, the smell seemed even realer. I was also able to feel his touch and hear his raspy voice.

  
\- You'll end up like me.

  
Maybe, but not if I can help it.

  
Those were my nights here, I just felt peace when I dreamt about the birds.

🔪

The second time on the week in which we work on the kitchen, we're still baking bread, but at least Angela wasn't there and that meant her song wasn't either. Instead, Love Will Tear Us Apart was playing. I saw Katarina dancing while she was awaiting for her dough to rest.

  
\- You're a horrible dancer.

  
\- And you must be a great dancer, Jonathan. - She rolled her eyes and got more eggs to do one more dough. Derek and Sara joined her, leaving their work completely unfinished.

  
\- That bitch isn't here. You can relax, birdy. - That's the way I was called on the kitchen when Angela was absent. It's a nice nickname, at least better than the rest. Sara held my hands after her commentary. Then another song started

.  
\- The name game! - Katarina started to sing. Leonard joined her in an improvised dance with his dough still in his hands, almost falling from them actually.

  
\- Katarina! Katarina, Katarina Bo-ber-ley, bo-na-na fanna! Fo-fer-ley. fee fi mo-mer-ley, Katarina! - She really could sing, then she pointed to Derek to go on.

  
\- Derek! Derek, Derek bo-bin-dek Bo-na-na fanna, fo-fin-dek, Derek!

  
Sara was spinning through the tables while she insisted on a horrible choreography. The Name Game was the first song that we learned on therapy together, we had to sing together everytime someone had a breakdown.

  
\- Come on ev'rybody, I say now let's play a game. I betcha I can make a rhyme out of anybody's name - I spinned around Katarina pointing my fingers at her. Jer reaction was cute and funny at the same time, pretending to be shocked with her hands in her mouth. - The first letter of the name I treat it like it wasn't there

  
\- Holy shit! You can sing! - Derek exclaimed when he started to dance with me. Our rhythm seemed to be a little more sensual and I felt like he was going to kiss me anytime. - But a "B" or an "F" or an "M" will appear and then I say "Bo" add a "B" then I say the name. then "Bo-na-na fanna" and "fo" and then I say the name again with an ""f" very plain

  
\- Then "fee fi" and a "mo" and then I say the name again with an "M" this time and there isn't any name that I can't rhyme - And I spinned again, raising my hands up this time, like the rest of my friends. For a second I forgot about what was happening out there, I forgot about my boyfriend, about my parents and my brother, I forgot it all again. I just cared about dancing and not letting anything fall or causing a bad accident. Suddenly the ambient didn't seemed as cold as it seemed before, but the feeling just lasted a little and it was interrupted abruptly.

\- What is happening here? - Mrs. Stetson questioned us by the kitchen door. Beverly was right by her side, wearing her long black dress and red gloves. Her eyes soon meet mine and her face suddenly changed. The angel of death came to my mind now, any moment I was awaiting she would reveal her huge black wings and offer me her hand. Your time has come. - Angela can't be absent for a hour and the kitchen just became a kindergarten?

Katarina paused the song. She just ignored them and kept on doing her second dough just like nothing had just happened.

\- I'm really sorry, Miss Manson!

\- Don't worry. - Beverly touched her shoulder gently, a silent request for she to not care about the mess. - I just came for you, Jonathan. Come, let's talk on the hall. - I wasn't able to breathe while she was there, and I let my breathing loose when she left the room, leaving her smell of honey (and cinnamon, I just noticed) behind. I didn't take long to go after her, like if her request was an order. I looked a last time at Katarina, when I noticed she was walking slowly towards me. I knew she was going to listen to the conversation, but I didn't care.

The huge windows of the halls that were connected to the kitchen showed the dark clouds, a storm was coming.

\- As you must have already been warned by Henry, you'll be able to go tomorrow morning. - She spoke loudly. On purpose. - And I'm really glad for you, your family must be missing you,

Of course. They show it every day.

I couldn't get able with those news.

\- Tomorrow?

\- Yes, I thought you agreed to this today earlier. - She frowned and looked to the sides. - Well, I just wanted to tell you this, I hope you start to pack your things at once.

Beverly then hugged me and went. We didn't spoke about any of this today, but I can remember when she said she had good news for me. Now I was alone again, the wind blowing against the window was creating a violent sound and I was able to feel the cold again.

\- You were going without telling me anything? - I heard Katarina asking, behind me. I turned to her direction with my eyes wide open. - Would you? - I didn't understand what she was thinking, I wasn't thinking about going without telling her, but the way Henry told me I thought I was going to spent at least another week here.

\- No...

\- Of course you were going. - She interrupted me, looked at the ground and seemed to be crying silently. - Maybe she was right all the time. - I was able to see the tears shining on her cheeks. - She's always right.

\- Katarina... - I tried to get close, but she pushed me agressively against the wall.

\- I thought I could trust you, but you lied to me. - Even so close, she wasn't able to look me in the eyes, I wasn't brave enough to look at her eyes. The ambient around us seemed claustophrobic now and I felt like a huge weight was being put on my chest.

\- It's not what you think, please...

\- And you don't even make an effort. - She seemed to laugh, but in an agonizing way and she stayed silent for a moment. I wanted to touch her wet cheek, but I wasn't able to even move a finger, I was just frozen into the place like if I was under some kind of curse. I wasn't even able to notice when she left, walking slowly to the backyard, the rain was already falling, but I was still caught in a cage of anquish and I was about to have a panic attack. I had to fix that mistake before it was too late.

Without any strength in my body, I fell with my knees in the ground while the tears ran through my face. I had to go after her and explain what happened. I got up with some effort and I made it through the hall to backyard. There was an abandoned building by my left, it was where the Institute was located in 1992 and it was closed on the purpose of a bigger one being built.

Katarina said that building gave her the chills, and knowing her like I know her, I knew she was on the staircase that lead to hall of the cleaning locker, near the visitation room.

It was the place where she had most of her breakdowns, and where I always was to help her get through them. I didn't care about the sharp, violent raindrops falling like daggers on me, the drops in shapes of knives were getting worse by the minute. A huge bolt ran through the sky when I got close to the stairs. Katarina didn't like the bolts and that was a violent one, I could picture her freaking out because of it right now.

\- Katarina? - I called when I took the first steps. It was as dark here as it was out there and I was just received by the silence. It was a huge staircase, not really accessed, however not so big, it just took us to the hall where was located the cleaner's locker. - KATARINA? - I called her once more. - Where are you? - I just heard the trees shaking violently out there and the furious storm. Now in the complete darkness I was able to weirdly smell some cinnamon and a light shiver on my arms.

\- Who's up there? - I heard someone yelling from outside. I widened my eyes and I didn't think twice about running really fast. I almost slipped in the staircase, but I'm able to gain my balance back. The icy wind seemed to cut my skin like sharp thorns. Some people were gathered in the yard looking at the top of the abandoned building. It was really tall, like if it was try to reach the clouds.

\- Oh my god! - With my hands in my mouth, time seemed to freeze then. Katarina was up there, her words were echoing in my mind and the moment we promised to never let go of each other came back, it was here. Right here. And now she was about to end everything. - KATARINA! - I tried to run towards the building, but strong hands held me.

\- They're going there. - It's Beverly. - They will save her! - The nurses were running towards the building, but I knew they just weren't quick enough.

\- They won't arrive on time! They won't! - I tried to let go of her, whatever it takes, now everything seemed to be happening too fast. The other ones weren't doing anything, just watching the scene. But the lightning came. - LET ME GO! - I yelled and she got away from me suddenly, with her hands in her forehead and moaning with pain. I tried to run as fast as I could, but still not taking my eyes off her, so I lost my balance and I fell right into some mud.

On the same moment, she threw herself from the building. I was so close, maybe I could've saved my best friend if I just was a little quicker. Now, I was just able to see her falling without doing anything. The impact was huge, I was able to see her skull breaking like if it was made of glass, and blood spilling everywhere.

\- NO NO NO! - I crawled towards her body while the other ones were in shock, the tears were making it hard for me to see, but I just stopped when I felt her body in mine and I held her. - Wake up... wake up... - I said over and over again while I touched what remained of her broken skull. - Wake up, please. - I was begging the body in my lap.

\- Come, Jon. - I felt Henry touching my shoulder and I pushed him abruptly. - We can't do anything else. - The nurses showed up again. The storm was falling really hard on all of us. I was still able to feel her breathing. Katarina was alive!

\- She's alive! She's alive! - They tried to take her away from, but I scratched the arm of one of them. - SHE'S FUCKING ALIVE! - I felt their hands making me stand up, and then Henry came near me.

\- I'm sorry.  
  


🔪

Two weeks passed since Katarina's jump. There was a little grave as a homage to her where her body fell. I lighted the little candles there everyday. Henry also spoke to me about grieving and in my situation it was normal to feel its presence. The feeling of loneliness just got worse day by day, the Institute seemed to became a nightmare now. I broke my camera during a breakdown and I regretted mailing Damian some important pictures. I started to take anti-depressants that doped me all day, sometimes I wasn't able to feel my own body.

Somebody seemed to shake my body, seemed in a rush. I thought it was Katarina or my roommate, so I ignored it.

\- Jon. - Dr. Henry's whisper was audible. - Wake up!

I murmured in the middle of an extreme state of sleepiness, I wasn't able to feel my body, but I felt Henry's touch on my face.

\- Jon, please!  
  


So I finally woke up after feeling my cheek hurting. There weren't stars in the sky so we were in a complete darkness.

\- Katarina?

\- No, it's me, Henry! - The man grabbed my arms and tried to pull me out of bed. - I need to take you someplace safe.

\- What's happening? - I asked him while I tried to get up on the ground. In a more awake state, I was able to smell something strong and weird in the distance.

\- Here isn't safe anymore, let's go! - Henry held my hand and took me to the hall. The bad lighting wasn't a common thing here and the smell was just getting stronger. In the way, I stumbled into something on the ground, something heavy and familiarly shaped, it seemed like everything was spinning again. I finally was able to recognize the smell. Burnt meat.

\- Clark is dead. - He said relutantly and walked faster. - Damian can't get near you because of her orders.

Orders?

\- But I don't trust them. - Henry looked at me and pressed my cheeks. - You also can't trust them, you can't trust anyone.

Tears were already falling from my eyes now. In visitation room, I found out those were really bodies laying on the ground. Mrs. Stetson was stabbed in the chest, I could tell because the knife was still there and her body was up on one of the tables, and I also recognized Derek and Leonard, from the kitchen.

Somebody invaded the Institute and pulled out a massacre;

\- She said we couldn't interfere, everything had to happen as it should. - Henry kept murmuring senseless things.

We entered the yard, where I noticed was the origin of the smell. Some parts of the main building were on fire and the abandoned building was almost falling already. There were bodies laying on the grass as well, Katarina's grave was destroyed and ashes were raining everywhere. It was like a war scene, one devastated by it.

\- Don't look back! - Henry exclaimed while we ran through the grass. We were close to the destroyed fence when his body was thrown back.

\- Henry? - I called for him, I was freezing in my place. The man then got up and pointed to the front.

\- Get out of the way or I'll have to kill you! - He screamed in a low voice. I tried to distinguish the silhoutte and then the familiar voice came.

Lois was wearing a huge black dress and by the fire's light her skin seemed to shine. Just standing with her hands crossed behind her back, she started to come towards me.

\- You really look a lot like your grandfather. - I felt her cold hands in my cheeks. She was looking steadily into my eyes.

\- W-what's happening? - I whispered shaking. The fire behind me seemed to just grow stronger and stronger, it was like I felt the heat closer, every minute closer.

\- The beginning of a new era, poopsiekins. - She pressed her head against mine and smiled. - Our sacrifices are starting now.

Henry started to scream in agony, I turned my head and I could notice Beverly was right by my side, raising her hand towards Henry, and then I saw the fire consuming him. The smell of burnt meat and his screams of agony. More tears were falling now, maybe I was the next one. The fire was so strong that it consumed his body so quickly, it was just matter of seconds until he stopped screaming and his body became just ashes falling in the grass.

Lois called my attention again. Her face was still much close to mine.

\- But it will be worthy it in the ending. - Her hand showed up in my sight, she seemed to be holding golden sand, a lot of golden sand and had a strong smell of cinnamon and honey. - Vägled mig. - And she blew it on my face. The smell was so strong that it made more tears come out of my eyes and I stopped seeing right because of the tears. Something thick was coming out of my nose. - All your memories are confused now, but I need you like this to reach our goals. - I felt her lips on my forehead. - Good night.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it's been some white nights for me, so I guess that was the influence behind my inspiration to write the longest chapter yet of Eyes Wide Open. I'll admit I'm proud of this one in particular, but I'm also now a little short on what to talk about here in the end notes. This was one chapter that really meant something special to me and I guess I put a little of personal details in there, of a period of my life in special.   
> Anyways, per usual, I hope you have enjoyed it, and we'll see each other next Saturday.


	16. mother!

**Chapter 16 - mother!**

The ambient around me wasn't still completely still and I was still quite dizzy. Waking up and opening the eyes were weird feelings, like if it was doing for the first time in years, something finally seemed to be... straightened. Gradually the memories came back. I finally identified the burnt body, who I always thought was my father and the real being who tormented finally had a face.

  
\- Honey, are you awaken? - I felt her slick, cold hands in my face.

  
\- I can remember. - Everything was getting clearer around me. I wasn't alone with my mother in the apartment and all of the decoration seemed different. - I can remember it all. - The last bit came almost like a whisper. My lips were so dry and I was starting to ask myself how many time did I spent blacked out. I was laying on the couch and my hands were caught in a tight knot. Now the living room seemed to have came out of a minimalist decoration magazine, like it was before, without the out-of-season Halloween decoration.

  
\- Great, this is good. - A man came close to me and watched me for a moment. I recognized him from the card that Beverly gave me on our last session. Scott Bennett. - Do you feel any kind of pain?

  
I nodded negatively. I was a little afraid of that sudden approximation. Will they kill me now?

  
\- We have a long way to go now. - Lois said sitting by my side and taking a sippy cup that Beverly handed to her. - You made my favourite tea, sweetie. Thank you.

  
\- What is happening? - I asked them. Beverly went back to the kitchen with a malicious smile and Lois crossed her legs.

  
\- You remind me of when I was younger. I just don't know which exact time period. Maybe 1830? - She sipped a little of the tea. - It was then that my dad told me about the god of 9,999 shapes.

  
I heard something crawling towards the room and then a rotten smell filled the air. I shut my eyes tightly when I felt the tears coming. The feeling just got worse when I knew no one from the outside world would save me. Damian is dead. I killed him. Kathy and Colin aren't even aware of what I did.

  
\- You're so old, daddy. - I opened my eyes and I saw it by my mother's side. Its rotten, skeletal and naked body. Its eyes weren't where they should be and it shaked a lot by every step it took.

  
\- How... - I was interrupted by Richard's body falling on the ground. It seemed like a eyeless and huge doll. - Is it alive?

  
\- Dead.

  
\- Then...

  
\- But it's still a puppet for me. - Lois put her cup on her lap and gathered her hands, making a movement with her two pinkies. Richard got up like if it was being controlled by invisible ropes. - Daddy was always my favourite puppet.

  
\- What happened to grandpa Sam? - I tried to get my head higher, so I could look directly into her serpent eyes.

  
\- Right after Richard took me to feed for the first time like the rest of the family after I was diagnosed with dementia, he presented me to Sam. We kidnapped him and I cast the same spell that made you sleep, but with Sam it was more violent. - She retracted her fingers and Richard started to walk stumbling through the house. A part of his body was in an advanced state of decomposition, bugs were eating what remained of his rotten kidney. Another part was showing the bones. - Sam didn't take it for long. Then he killed himself, like your brother.

  
\- What did you do to Conner? - I demanded to know, trying to get up from that uncomfortable position. The knot holding my hands seemed to get tighter and then it started to hurt my skin.

  
\- I tried to do the same, but he wasn't who the Lord of Chaos had chosen. Unhappily things didn't end well for neither him or your father. A pity.

  
\- A pity?! How...

  
\- But you. - She interrupted me again, getting up from her chair holding the cup. - You'll lead us to the right way, the way my grandfather planned for years. You are strong mentally. - Lois got close to me and I felt her lips touching my forehead. - Nyarlathotep chose you. The biggest privilege of the world.

  
She is mad. I need to get out of here somehow.

  
\- No, poopsiekins. You won't get away from me again. - She kissed me again and raised her hand. She was quick to hit my head with her sippy cup, and it didn't take long for me to black out again.

🔪

I woke up with a headache and felt my hands tied to something cold and steady. The lights were so strong that it made my head hurt even more. The smell of peas and ham was filling and I felt like it was making my head even heavier, just like if some pins were being pinned on my skull. I was able to see the dinner table clearly now, flowers and candles everywhere, a plate in the middle of the table containing the head of an animal and a lizard standing by its side. Beverly was wearing golden gloves while she drank some blue shiny liquid. Near what I judged was my plate, there was a sippy cup with a transparent and thick liquid.

  
\- He has awakened again. - Scott said by my side. He untied my hands, which was a tremendous relief. A red mark was pulsating. - It's better to rest and get your energy back now, young man.

  
\- We still have some more invitees coming, Jon. Put on a happy face. - The diner room was completely decorated with flowers, clay miniatures of ancient gods and glass objects. The apartment's bell rang and Beverly got up holding her grail.

  
\- They're here.

  
Did this just became a Museum of Cinematic References?

  
I didn't have any strength to move, I wanted to get up and ran towards the door, but my body was so heavy that I hardly could move my feet. I didn't know if I was under some kind of spell and if I was, I think it won't be so easy to break away from it. More people were arriving, they all seemed glad around me. They touched my hands, kissed my cheeks. I didn't had any strength to evade this invasion of personal space.

  
\- Thus the moment hath arriveth. - Richard's whisper echoed through the room, everyone sat on their position at the table. - Nyarlathotep awaits.

  
\- What are you doing? - I asked, looking at my mom. She dragged me into all this madness, I lost years of my life, so she could open the way to some entity?

  
\- It's not some entity, Jon. - Scott grabbed my shoulder and pressed my skin. - He shall give us what we were looking for. Nevermore will we need to feed again and soon we shall live our own world. - I didn't know exactly what they were referring to when they said "feeding," but it felt it wasn't about the peas and ham.

  
\- Nyarlathotep awaits. - Lois raised her hands up. - To a new and shiny future for all of us. - The others joined her, and they started to sing in a chorus. The flames of the candles were raising up and sparking.

  
\- Mother! Mother! - I tried to get her attention, but all my trying was useless. - _Mommy? Why are you doing this?_ \- I punched the table and then I felt my hand relaxing like if I just took a relaxant. - _Why are you scaring me? MOTHER! STOP IT!_ \- My compulsive crying joined the chorus. Damian is dead and they probably know I killed him. There was nothing else left for me out there, maybe my place really is here, maybe she's the only one that's left for me. - MOTHER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is coming, so what do you expect to see on the final chapter?  
> Things are surely getting very heated.


	17. Dark Places

**Chapter 17 -**   
**Dark Places**

**_Damian Wayne_ **

My father's cave had a horrible smell of smoke and rotten. The cave's deccoration was too cheap and intense. With a huge orange carpet on the ground, a lot of books and papers laying on the ground by the side of desks and blue tables. On the center of the wall, surrounded by huge candlesticks with white candles, there was Jennie Blanc's 1620 painting. Nyarlathotep was standing like a huge faceless shadow and its sharpened claws met with Jennie's pinky. My father was looking at the painting with his rigid posture. He was wearing a black smoking a little too big for his body and red gloves. His blue eyes found mine and he turned to face me. His face, deformed by the flames, was the only visible part of his wrecked body. Things were still a little confusing for me, especially without an eye and recently resurrected.

  
\- Is she with the boy again? - Bruce asked me. I wasn't able to decipher his expression, his face was frozen in an eternal expression of pain and shame. - So the bird and the bat split up again.  
\- You need to get out of the cave more often, dad. - Cave was a cute name I gave to the mansion's hidden room where Bruce isolated himself completely after faking his own death. The genius created this place when his plans to take down Lois' goals started with Clark deceased like the rest of our coven. Most didn't end well, not after oracle Harleen Quinzel's visions. The moment she freaked out after seeing Lois' world was still frozen in my mind, it was like she was being burned alive, her pointy ears were coloured like tomatoes and some bubbles were taking shape in her skin and she was screaming in agony.  
\- This is my new home, and it's not like I still have a lot to live. - Bruce was planning to stand against Lois again, at the right moment. I didn't know which was the right moment and I was always impatient with him, I questioned him why nobody did anything while Jon was under our roof, or why I didn't nothing.  
And I knew he was going to die in the process.  
\- I did everything you asked. - I showed the silver wallet by my side. There were things inside of it, moans of pain echoed in a huge void. A source of ancient and black magic, but that now may be able to help us kill Lois and her coven. And what is this? I don't know exactly. Bruce got close to me, it seemed to be painful even to move slowly. - What is this?  
\- Open it. - The deep blue eyes in his deformed face seemed to challenge me to open the wallet and free whatever was inside. I didn't hesitate to unlock the wallet and kick it.  
\- I have always warned I was light-years above all those suckers. I'm not like Richard or Timothy. - Greyish creatures started to creep out of the wallet and started to yell. The screaming could blow up our eardrums. The creatures created shapes of deformed humans and they gathered creating a perfect circle. A grey ball of hungry spirits.  
Damiaaan  
A slick creature shaped itself like a deformed Jonathan. His face was so greyish and his eyes seemed like two red lanterns pointing at me. All of his naked body seemed like a shattered mannequin. His cheeks were gradually sinking while he raised his pale arms up on my direction. His lips were as red as the blood coming out of his mouth.  
\- Why did you abandoned me?

_Before_

The ruins of the old Houston institute seemed untouched, like no other human being had stepped in here until now. The building was burnt by Beverly and Lois a year ago and they left the destruction behind. What remained of the building was still standing with the burnt walls, I was able to see some untouched stuff like couches, but most were consumed by the fire. The forest also seemed untouched, nothing else has ever grown in this soil again.  
\- I said it once and I will say it again, I'm sorry for almost fucking everything up! - Kathy murmured by my side. I didn't needed to look to know she was staring at the ground, with her eyes burning in shame and crossed arms. - But if I didn't do anything, you wouldn't have either.  
\- You invaded his personal space asking if he had a sexual partner! - I exclaimed. I stepped on a thick stick on the ground and the noise got the attention of all the birds around, that started to leave flying out of the tallest trees. The weak fog didn't got in my way, but it seemed to get in the way of these two incompetents. - You aren't able to see the way or what?  
\- I feel weird presences here. - Colin frowned whem he stopped walking. - Don't you? - He looked around, we were standing on what seemed to be the remains of the backyard. Colin dropped the wallet. The remains of the building were now sheltering animals and plants, poison ivy was growing in the wall like if it was eating what remained of the fire. In the middle of the destruction there seemed to be someone, or something getting up in the darkness where I wasn't able to see properly. The creature started to come close amidst the fog. It smelled like a dead animal and was saying some senseless things. Kathy got close to me slowly.  
\- Is that what we came to get?  
\- Yes. Be careful.  
\- You'll end up like me. - The more that thing came close, the more audible his phrases became. That was responsible for a part of Jon's suffering for a huge part of his life.  
\- Is that the thing that I felt near me the entire day in school? - She asked again.  
\- No. That's inoffensive, this isn't. - And the creature revealed itself in the fog. - A skinny, greyish boy with rotten arms and eyeless. It was still murmuring "you'll end up like me" endlessly. The creatured seemed to like the place, it wasn't able to walk properly because of some black roots that were growing in its feet when they touched the ground, but when it lifted its foot the roots quickly vanished. Jon's panic attack earlier came to mind, maybe it was what fueled me to get my dagger. I got close to and stabbed its neck with my blade. The black blood slipped like if it was underwater and from its injury bubbles were taking shape, increasingly growing. Its screams and yells were deafening and seemed to get louder and louder.  
\- What the fuck is this? - Colin ran towards me with the open wallet. My father wanted me to catch that, because it could turn useful against Lois at the "right moment", like everyone liked to say. It took months to find that, I looked through the abandoned area alone and never had found absolutely nothing. It seems like it's really old and well feed, but I'm not really surprised. The old Houston was a sanatorium where the sadistic doctors tortured their patients, reports leaked about autistic patients abandoned in lonely wings for months, drowning in pools of shit and pee, and that's why the building was abandoned and another was built later.  
\- That's a spirit of darkness. - I was watching the metamorphosis slowly. Skeletal arms came from the shapeless grey form, little by little a face was taking shape, red eyes and really hurt.  
\- Why do you want to kill me, Damian? - The creature was recreating Jon's voice. His eyes were staring me like they were judging for everything I had ever done. The moments I abandoned him when he needed me the most, when I didn't even showed up while he was locked here. Bruce warned me to stay away from the beginning of Lois's phase to perform rituals on him, or it could destroy his entire planning. - Why did you left me?  
Kathy put her hand inside the creature's chest, making it scream while it flew, transforming again in what seemed to be a round matter and that transformed all the ambient in a disaster. The clouds were becoming greyier and a bolt just struck. I was thinking again about Jon, I always talked about his situation with my father when I had the chance, all I always heard was that I had to be patient because our sacrifices would save everyone in the end. I always felt he was lying to me, but I knew it wasn't wise to destroy the cycle with Jon, it would be too dangerous for both of us. Sometimes I think about how would it be if we were both normal, if Jennie had never met Nyarlathotep, but if the powers hadn't never been gifted to her, Jon wouldn't exist.  
\- We need to lock this thing inside the wallet! - I warned both of them. They both looked at me like if it was an impossible mission. - I'll draw the seal and you both help me with the enchantment. - My father taught me how to lock these spirits when I was 12, all the seals and runes I could use to prevent anything from going wrong. Kathy looks at me for a long time before holding Colin's hands. I smile at both of them, something I'll admit that is extremely rare, but I do think they deserve it, they were here for me when I needed them. I met both of them in a rainy night on Downtown Gotham, when they escaped together to watch a R rated movie. The douchebags were caught in the entrance and then expelled from the theater, and I found them trying to get inside through the back, through the window of the staff bathroom.  
\- Skugga-äta varelse, vi kräver din utvisning och förvisning! - Kathy screamed with strength and determination, looking at the creature who was raising up.  
I saved the two turdballs from being stuck in the little window. Kathy tried to attack me with an umbrella and Colin called me to eat some of their popcorn. They asked why I was there, but I never told the truth.  
I made a little cut on my hand with the dagger, not a very deep one but just size I need. I let blood fall into the wallet and started to draw triangles with my fingers.  
\- Vi förvisar dig, mörker, i namnet på Jennies makt och skuggan! - Colin said the last part. The creature was contorting itself now, different faces were taking shape inside that thint now, voices screaming together in agony and horror.  
With the triangle ready, the creature was being sucked into the wallet, Colin and Kathy were repeating the chant at the same time and the thing was fighting to escape. Does Jon still fight to escape from Lois' claws? At the beginning, he knew unconsciously what was happening and he was afraid. Little by little, the creature was being held by the enchantment. I shut the wallet with a strong kick and quickly locked it, to be sure it didn't had a chance to escape.  
\- Now, what are we going to do with this? - Colin asked me.  
\- Now let's wait.  
\- We have to go after the book. - Kathy touching my tense shoulder. I turned myself to her, she seemed worried and anxious. The book she meant was the one that Jennie Blanc wrote after meeting Nyarlathotep, before the creation of her coven and the discovery of what seemed to be immortality for us. Lois searches what is here to finally bring it back, or at least she thought she was calling for Nyarlathotep. - We don't know where it is and Lois might even have found it to this point! We need to do something.  
\- Harleen said she won't do the calling. - The cut in my hand was starting to heal itself. A superficial healing factor was common for all the wizards, but it weakens with age and just some exceptions can heal the others, or bring them back to life. Clark was one of these exceptions, he brought me back to life once, when my mother killed me and quartered my body, after I beheaded my fucking grandfather with my own hands. He raised me to be like this, just didn't know the creature would turn itself against the mad scientist. Talia left me in pieces, literally just my head was still stuck to my body and Clark had to patiently sewn my body like a rag doll, patiently putting all my members and organs back. After he died, the cure ability was sent to Pamela, who's still kinda weak when it comes to that.  
\- And do you believe her? - She demanded to know in a disturbed voice. - The same one who said to leave John alone when all this shit began? - She got close to me and started to point her finger to my chest. - How dare you to watch your soulmate suffering while doing absolutely nothing!  
\- Kathy! - Colin tried to hold her by the shoulders, but she was able to push him.  
\- No, you really will let this happen! Look at what happened when you did nothing! - She pointed to the ruins of the buildings of the clinic and the asylum.  
\- Because I saw it! - I screamed to her face. - I saw what happens if we dare to interfere in what's happening. Do you want to see? - Harleen let me see what she saw, I put my hands on her face and I allowed myself to see what her saw. It was where we are now, but on the time when he was still interned and the rituals were starting to work. We were together watching the hurricane we had made, the destruction for giving her exactly what she needed. I had killed Lois and her cursed blood was enough to open the cosmic portal, not for Nyarlathotep, but for all kinds of cosmic creature. He was holding my hands and tightly and looking at me with his big blue eyes.  
\- Tell me everything's going to be okay. - He asked with his sad blue eyes. Then the creatures showed up on the sky. The grass was stained with Lois' blood, then it changed colour and texture, almost looking like rotten oil.  
That was enough for me.  
\- I saw the destruction, Kathy. All of us were going to die!  
\- I don't want to see, I believe in you. - She said, seeming to regret what she said and then hugged me strongly. - I'm sorry.

  
_Now._

\- You never told me why Lois never used her own blood instead of raising her own soons to butchery. - Now we were sitting on the blue chairs, looking directly at each other. Bruce brought me a thick book, without anything on the cover that would reveal its content.  
He didn't answer and opened the book. Some illustrations caught my attention, like one that represented two human silhouettes holding hands and animals in their hearts. Soulmates. The painting of the dark lord in a circle of apprentices and Jennie by his side. The origins. A photograph slipped from the book when he was in the middle of it. It showed Jennie with Richard and my paternal grandfather, Thomas Wayne.  
\- What? - I frowned and stared at him. His burned face wasn't telling me anything and he was looking at the book.  
\- Lex Luthor was murdered last night, did you heard about it? - Why was he trying to change subject?  
\- Yes, but Tim is already working on the case.  
\- He doesn't need to, I know exactly who did it. - He pointed to Richard in the photograph. - Their plans started now and if everything goes well, two hours from now and Lois will open the gate to bring these creatures into our world.  
\- Harleen said she won't be able to open it! - I exclaimed getting up from the chair and looking at him.  
\- She won't if we arrive on time. - He said taking a gun out of his pocket. - I never told you the complete truth because I knew you would interfere.  
\- What are you talking about?  
\- Jonathan must die. Not because it would give her what she wants, but because Lois is so blind that she can't see that she didn't realize the full metamorphosis to kill the bird. - He went back some pages and pointed to the picture of the soulmates. - Lois killed your rabbit a long time ago by Richard.  
\- But you said we can't interfere or kill her.  
\- Two years and you didn't learn shit. When Jonathan dies, the gate will open and that's why we need these things. - He pointed to the wallet.  
\- Will they close the gate?  
\- They will kill Lois. They're not human, but Nyarlathotep's creations.  
Jon must die. Must die.  
\- I won't let this happen, dad.  
\- You really didn't learn anything. Clark is still his father, Jon inherited the power of both!  
\- And what does this mean? - Before I could get any answers, an echo caught our attention. Pamela had just entered the cave and her steps were echoing through the floor, she found us and stood there, perfectly still, just like if the words were stuck in her mouth.  
Not now! I need more answers! It's my right!  
\- It's time. Everyone's ready up there.  
Bruce got up and both of them walked together to the hideout's exit, leaving me behind. He knew I needed this time alone, maybe to accept fate or to think about something to change it. I looked at all the useless books around me, every single one of them telling the same story, of our origin when Nyarlathotep arrived on Earth, the story about how the covens split, none of this would help me now. My soulmate would die anytime now and I was still planning something to save him. Maybe I should have interfered since the beginning and found a way to close the gate, I always surrounded by wizards and witches and they would help me with this.  
I laid on the chair frustrated and felt like I was pawn in Lois and Bruce's game. They were controlling us all the time, Lois controlling Jon and Bruce controlling me. I looked at Jennie's painting on the wall. What if he's right? To break the curse both must die? Or I am just caught in another web of conspiracies?  
I always thought I was in the control of everything, when Jon had his paranoia attacks all the time and got stuck in his own mind, sometimes having ticks that he won't even notice, blinking his eyes or sketching something invisible with his fingers and he didn't seemed able to realize because was always thinking too highly, how he felt lonely and abandoned while I had so many people around me and was bothered by this.  
Now I know how Jon feels and whatever it takes, I'll save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm going to be on a hiatus next week, but August the 15th I'll be back with more!  
> This one chapter was my trying to get into Damian's POV, I hope you like it.  
> See you after next week!


	18. Come nightfall

**Chapter 18 - Come nightfall**

**Jonathan Kent**

Lex Luthor didn't look like someone who was looking for trouble where he shouldn't, not even seemed like someone that would mess with a beehive, filled with angry bees ready to attack. Lex is a successful geologist, but unhappily he tried to keep something that wasn't his and now he must die for that.

Lois chose me for this task, I don't really know why, but the twins Julia and Janet would help me to do the task.

  
  


Now laying on the dark corner of the room, I watched Lex carefully while he finished smoking pot and watched pornography. He had already jerked off twice today, it was an uncomfortable scene to watch, but it still wasn't the right moment to strike. To watch their routines was interesting, just like if I was back to "normal." Some people had agitated lives, and some other rarely even left the places they were sitting. I'm still a little nervous and it's making my silver hair stick in my forehead, I don't even really know why I'm nervous, none of them can even see us.

  
  


Months went by since I accepted my new reality, I had nowhere to run or to hide, so I allowed myself to meet the coven. The mysterious twins are 90 year old witches that fed upon another warlock's magic just once during their lifetime, my mother said it soon would be my turn.

  
  


The windows of the living room were open and the cold air was sending shivers down my spine and I had the impression that my cheeks were on fire, I wanted to pretend I was a poltergeist and shut the windows with only the movement of a finger, but it's not the right me to show me around again. My last victim, Ellen Winters, believed her house was being haunted by ghosts during two weeks. I wasn't going after her because my mother ordered, but because I believe that I liked the feeling that it brought, to manipulate her life and making her believe that she was getting crazy until she wasn't even able to endure it, it was like I was taking that pain off me and putting on somebody else, it was like being on ecstasy.

  
  


None of them found the answer of what was that presence on the corner of the room, that invisible presence by their bedside, or spying through the windows.

A boom in the kitchen scared the man, who widened his eyes open and then went running. Unhappily, he went out of my sight, every single light of the house was turned off, only a small bedside lamp was keeping him from being entirely on the darkness.

  
  


The boom was the twins' signal.

  
  


I walked slowly to the light switch and turned it on. The sudden change must have caught his attention because I heard his heavy steps coming towards here. In seconds he showed up right in front of me and froze into place right as he saw me. He looked at me scared for a moment, I knew that weird look in his eyes, I felt that way since I cut my hair and painted it silver, but it probably wasn't the same feeling.

  
  


\- I'm gonna call the fucking police, I don't know who you are and you're trespassing on my property! - He exclaimed loudly, and then turned around to go use the kitchen's telephone. Julia and Janet were already holding hands behind him, both with a sadistic look and wearing their fancy dresses.

  
  


\- Not so fast, Mr. Luthor... - Julia said.

  
  


\- We have a lot to talk about. - Janet showed her white, sharp teeth.

  
  


\- I think it's better if you sit, sir. You don't look very well. - I got close to him and touched his muscled shoulder. I tried to keep my voice calm, just like if I was talking to a kid who didn't know what it was doing. I didn't want to scare Luthor off at the beginning, we still had the entire night and I didn't planned to let him live at the end. Just playing with the food gave me some pleasure.

  
  


Luthor looked at me with rage burning in his eyes, his muscles were pumping and he raised his fist aiming for my face. It would take seconds for me to get punched painfully in the face, but Luthot didn't had the slightest idea about what was happening. I was looking straight at his eyes and he seemed to be frozen in the air. His fist frozen in the air, his arm veins pumping, Lex had some rage problems for what I could notice, maybe that's why he's divorced and none of his sons want any kind of contact. Mr. Luthor is a lonely and busy man... and a successful one at that.

  
  


\- Mr. Luthor, please, sit down. - I showed him the red chair at the middle of the room. There was nothing above the table except for a Gotham map with the discovered caves underlined in red.

\- What is happening? - He seemed to be fighting agaist himself to pronounce three words, I think I went a little too far on the effect. His body was like a puppet in my mind, invisible ropes ready to be used against his own will and to my personal enjoyment. - What are you doing, you motherfuckers? - He was ragingly asking. I knew he would be yelling if his body answered to his brain's impulses.

\- Mr. Luthor. - I spoke again, looking straight at his brown eyes. - Sit down.

Lex started to walk slowly towards the chair and sat with some effort. His face was contorted in an expression of despair and frustration, I was able to feel his frustration and to hear what was happening behind the walls of his mind. He was thinking that if he made sufficient effort, he was able to recover the control of his body. Mr. Luthor really had no idea about what was happening.

\- Last week, you contacted a polyglot colleague from work. Why? - I asked him, sitting by his front. The city map was cold and it sent shivers on my arms. The twins were standing around him, one on the left and the other one on the right, just like if they were my bodyguards. Cold and without making any noise.

\- What the hell are you doing in my fucking house?

\- Mr. Luthor, please. Work with us and you might get out of this night alive. - I lied while I looked at his cold eyes.

\- Who are you? Do you work for the government?

\- Don't be ridiculous, Mr. Luthor. - I tried to not laugh at that question. It's rude, but I wasn't able to control myself, just like the twins by his side. - You have something that is ours and we're here to take it back. Do you know what we're taking about?

\- Of course I don't. - He whispered frustrated. - I don't even know who you are!

\- Not yet, Mr. Luthor. My name is Jonathan Lane. Does this name ring any bells?

\- Lane! You're related to that motherfucker! - He exclaimed in an accusatory manner and then his face contorted again until it formed a confused expression of rage and confusion. - Lois Lane invaded my house and went looking for the same thing!

\- An old, Swedish book?

\- Right. I don't know if it really is what you're looking for, but whatever, it's not with me! I didn't stole anything from you!

\- I fear you didn't stole it purposefully, but you did took it away from where that bitch hid it years ago. - Lex's face was becoming red gradually, his forced veins in his fists didn't lie about how he wanted to get rid of my mental strings. His look towards me equaled the one of a psychopath about to strike. Luthor certainly is one of the most complicated people that I had to deal with in my life, I'd rather deal with 15 year old imp Damian.

\- I don't know what you're talking about.

\- Mr. Luthor, lies are bad, okay? - I waved to Janet and she took a sharp knife out of her pocket. She slipped it through his neck in a menacing way. - I thought you were polite. - She handed me the knife.

\- What you're gonna do with it? Kill me, you son of a bitch?

\- You're really brute, but I know very well how to handle people like you. - I concentrated in all his body tied with my mental strings in my mind. I put some special attention on ropes tied to his left arm, so tight and invisible that only I would be able to untie them, no matter how strong he was. - You learn with pain. - The sharp knife slipped through my hand, going slowly towards an inoffensive part of my wrist. I stabbed it until I felt the blade inside my skin, of course the feeling only lasted for a few seconds, then Luthor moaned with pain and blood started falling out of his recent cut wrists. - Do you want me to cut one of your important parts? Won't make a difference to me. 

Lex still insisted on his silence.

\- I would try... - I let his fertile mind decide which part of his body would pay the price. Hands. - Your hands? If I get a knife good enough to do the trick, you're done. - It's a bluff, of course. No way I would cut off my hands.

\- I know what you're talking about! I found the book in a recently discovered cave near the edges of town! There was a weird man inside there. - He frowned while he tried to describe the weird man.

\- I can't quite describe him, I wasn't able to see him clearly, but he saw the book in my hands and menaced me.

\- What did he say?

\- He said to not handle it to anyone and not even trust.

\- It could have been Clark. - I looked at Julia. I was able to spot which one is which, even though they dress the same way. A part of their personality is different from the other; Julia didn't enjoy all this killing, but she was addicted to feeding on others, what made her look a little younger when compared to her sister. Janet had a sadistic look and liked to tease the most she could when she had the opportunity, she taught me a lot of things over the last few weeks.

\- I don't know who it was, okay? But I can't handle it to you!

\- Why? - I asked, looking straight at his eyes.

\- Sometimes I can feel his presence. - Luthor spoke a little lower now, whoever it might have been, seeing that man at the cave must've been a traumatic situation.

\- Mr. Luthor, get up now and go get the book. - The tall man suddenly jumped out of his chair and stood just like a inanimate doll. Looked at me with a totally lifeless face now and started to walk just like if he was being pushed until he left my sight.

\- Must be a miracle he didn't destroyed it, considering the way he spoke about that man. - Julia said in a thoughtful way. - I would have destroyed it.

\- Yeah, because you're dumb. I don't know what you'd do without me. - Janet rolled her eyes.

\- He was planning to translate what's written there, Julia. It was for too little that he didn't found out the truth, then he could've destroyed it. - Lois already know he was with book and didn't made any effort to retrieve it. My mother is way more powerful than me and could have dealt with it with just one glance. - That son of a bitch stuck his nose where he shouldn't have. - I crossed my legs and patiently awaited for the mind controlled man to return.

Julia walked relentlessly around the room, it wasn't even slightly decorated, just maps underlining specific points of the city and some news papers that mentioned him. The girl touched a 1980 chess competition trophy and almost let it fall.

\- It's not polite to touch what's not ours, Julia. Didn't my mother taught you any good manners?

\- You should see the way she eats. - Janet didn't move out of the place and was looking at me with a proud expression, practically saying she wasn't ill-mannered like her sister. Luthor's steps became audible and it didn't took long until he showed up out of the dark hall. I was surprised when I saw the size of the book; I was picturing a huge, thick book just like those of the witches in TV series, but it was more like a skinny diary.

The red cover was showing three golden runes and it was so fragile that it could become dust if I didn't touch it carefully and softly. Going through the yellow pages slowly, for what I could notice by the ancient language it was really a diary. There were also pictures, a page was showing the phases of the moon and the same greyish presence was showing up in all of the illustrations. The origin. A picture that caught my attention had Jennie and Nyarlathotep together. 

\- Please, you already got what you were looking for. - Lex said in a messed beg. His heart was beating really fast for what I could feel. I got up and waved for the twins to get away from him.

\- I said I would let you live if you worked with me, do you remember? - I asked getting close to his blushed face. His fearful look was quickly becoming a relieved one. I got close to his ear and whispered. - I lied.

Lex opened his eyes widely and tried to break free from his mental prison. Tears were coming out of his eyes, wetting his cheeks.

\- Please.

I grabbed the knife I used to hurt me and handed it over to him.

\- Kill yourself.

I got away from him with the twins, holding their hands while Luthor slipped the knife deeply in his pale neck. The blood didn't took long to come out, his expression wasn't showing any pain, I didn't let him demonstrate any. Lex was agonizing inside while he died slowly at his living room's floor.

  
  


Gradually the crystalline water became a mess of blood and dirt. Maybe that's why I like to take a shower with the lights turned off and with candles by my side, it made me remember him. Damian. I also didn't want to see the blood stains in my body and in my hair. Lex really wanted to left his mark on me, that son of a bitch.

I laid a little more on the cold porcelain bathtub. The thermal shock sent shivers down my spine, what was actually kind of pleasant to me. The bathroom didn't had any windows and just seemed too big to me. I didn't know exactly where we were, but I know it was somewhere in the Otisburg district.

\- I feel your presence just like if you were inside of me, guiding me. - I spoke loudly. Maybe he was listening. - It's making me see between life and death. - Lois said it wasn't common for warlocks and witches of our side to be able to see them. Spirits trapped in our world. It was actually kind of scary when I still spoke to Katarina before sleeping. At some moment, I realized how egocentric it was to let her be trapped in an eternal loop on our dimension, so I freed her at the first month that I arrived here.

A hard rain was falling all over me, making my long hair cover my eyes, so my bangs had to be put behind. Lois gave us privacy on the garden of the mansion that Beverly found for the coven. Katarina was standing right in front of me, even though the rain was also falling over her, she didn't show any sign of cold. The thick and tall trees were being shaken by all directions. Some leaves were falling out of the trees and creating a green carpet in the grass.

\- It's time. I was too egocentric to allow you to stay trapped here. - My eyes were already messy and it wasn't because of the rain. My cheeks were blushing and I knew I couldn't hide the tears for much long. - You didn't deserved to be trapped in this eternal suffering. - "Eternal suffering" seemed like such something vague and superficial to me, meaningless and without any value. But it really seemed deep to Katarina. I knew she was trapped in an endless loop, condemned to jump out of buildings for all eternity, completely hopeless.

\- No, Jon, you just fulfilled your promise, just like me. Never abandon one another. - Katarina touched my shoulders. I could feel her. She was cold. - I never apologised for not understanding what was really happening.

I hold her hands and looked straight at her shining eyes. The wind was still shaking her curly hair, making it look like they were trying to hide her face.

\- You're the best person that I ever met. - The tears showed up in her eyes and joined the rain. - You're my best friend, Jon. The things would have been worse if you weren't there for me. - She nodded negatively and then looked at the ground. I held her hands tightly, I didn't want her to go, she was also my only sane companion around here. At nights that I felt more depressive than average, she reminded me of jokes I told after her crisis or simply when we had a task really tedious and we did it together. - Sometimes I believed I didn't deserved you, just like if I was stealing something precious from somebody, someone that deserved you way more than me.

\- People abandoned me, Katarina. They still do. - I had already asked her about Damian's spirit, she told me she couldn't really get away from me and that sometimes I was able to see her without knowing. Damian didn't show up on these last months, what means he doesn't really give a fuck about me, not then and not now. - You also helped me get through that time. - My tears joined hers at that muddy earth.

\- Maybe another time, someplace else, we could have met in a better situation. - She lamented while still looked to the floor and cried relentlessly. I tried to deny to myself that even at the beginning it was her fate, finally being free on the "other side." What's there after here always has been a mystery to me, Lois said Jennie created dimensions for us, Beverly said we would go to another reality that looked like this one, but with what we always desired. I read some books that said another cycle would start, someplace else, some time else.

\- It's time. - I warned.

Katarina looked at me.

There was pain in her eyes, there was fear.

\- We'll meet again, Jonathan.

\- This is not a goodbye. - I held her hands tighter. - Be sure about it.

Katarina shut her eyes.

\- Going through the gates of Mörker, kneeled to the horizon of eternal penance and endless suffering. - A yellow flame was shining through her chest, near her heart, erasing all her colour. Katarina opened her eyes and started to smile and that calmed me down in a way. - Open gate between this world and the one of darkness, that carries this spirit. Go then, for there are other worlds than these. - The last bit came out in a whisper. - Tenebris. Fri själ. Vale in sempiternum.

I couldn't feel her hands anymore, only the rain. Katarina was slowly vanishing, her arms seemed to turn into golden dust.

\- I'm not afraid anymore. - Her voice was so low now, a distant whisper and that just got far and far. - Only afraid about you. All these memories... will be gone... like tears... in rain. - Now, almost completely vanished, I saw her face for the last time. - We'll meet again.

\- Some sunny day.

And she's gone.

  
  
  
  
  


\- That's it, you did it! - My mother's eyes sparked when I showed the diary in my hands. We're alone in the dinner room. Lois is sitting next to me while she analyses the book carefully. - I thought I would never see it again. 

\- Lex spoke about man that showed up in the cave where he found the book. Do you know who it is?

\- Maybe. - She said naturally and was going through the pages softly. - It's all here.

\- You could teach me more before... You know.

\- Before you have the privilege to open the portal for him?

\- Exactly. - I got used to the idea that I had to die. My mother was waiting for this moment for years, all of them were. Lois told me that I'm going through the same things she and her sisters had to go through, to gain a perfect conscience. The way they said Nyarlathotep desired.

\- Didn't Beverly taught you enough?

The teaching sessions with her are extremely traumatizing. Some apprentices ended up dead in the middle of the practice of new spells; the last one was Oliver Ravenswood. Beverly said that we were guided by dangerous ancient traditions, just a few survived on our generation. Telekinesis, the first occult art, was easy to me; but a girl had an axe stuck in her face during the first week. Mind control, the second occult art, took much time and effort for me to master. I can remember the first time I used it in a risky situation, I made two cops kill themselves right in front of me, since then other people's thoughts just seem like screams to me, just like if every people was an open book.

The last session ended with another incident, Oliver's. Pyrokinesis is a dangerous art by itself. Oliver had his body all burnt at once.

\- Beverly taught me the basics.

\- You know. - Lois closed the diary and put it against her chest. - We can't trust her.

\- What?

\- We can't trust anyone. I think that's why my father used to say we can't escape our dark fate and that it would be always dark. We can't trust anyone because we're the only originals left, the only ones that saw Nyarlathotep.

\- What are you talking about, mommy?

Lois got up and turned her back to me.

\- Do what needs to be done tonight. - She gave me a last look of pity and was gone, leaving me alone with my own frustrated thoughts.

Darkness seemed to surround me more and more. The truth is that I'm gonna sacrifice myself because I can't handle the loneliness anymore, and the feeling that I don't belong, and the fact that they have awaited really long fell like a glove to me. Lois wanted me to kill some people of our coven; I didn't know if it was her just being paranoid, but she was sure we would be betrayed.

My first victims would be Julia and Janet.

  
  
  
  


The moment I entered the twins' room with the cookies that I cooked in my hands, the two came to kiss my cheeks. Dead dragonflies with shining wings were being exhibited in a panel behind the door.

\- Those are our dead familiars. - Julia explained before I even asked. - We still miss them, you know, after killing.

A small black clock on the wall showed it was already past 5 AM. I didn't sleep all day and I was really tired, but that would change in a few hours, I would sleep forever.

\- Horrifying. I made cookies, do you want? I really put some chocolate.

And my special ingredient.

\- Janet, Jon knows how to cook! - Julia exclaimed surprised. I felt bothered by a moment, my dishes weren't the best in the world, but I always felt bothered by having to cook to somebody else.

\- The recipe is my mother's. - I sat on the bed that they divided and grabbed one of the cookies. - I don't think it's as good as hers are, but I think you can give me a shot.

Both of them sat next to me. Those cookies in my hand seemed so heavy now and the chocolate drops just seemed bitter now.

\- It'll be so good when we will be able to manipulate this reality. - Janet said in a dreamy way, then grabbed a cookie. - Lois will take us to a new world.

\- Jon will. He's the one who'll sacrifice himself for us. - Julia said, grabbing a cookie.

\- Our saviour.

\- It's perfect, Jon! - Julia grabbed more cookies. - They're way better than the ones Lois cooked in her apartment.

\- You were there when I wasn't?

\- Yeah. We went to watch. - Janet said.

\- Watch?

\- We saw you killing those men, don't think you were completely alone. We were able to watch through the eyes of the crow.

My stomach hurt now. I looked at the cookies on the plate. Did Lois really had this power to spy me?

\- Won't you eat anything? - Julia asked, frowning. She put her hands on her belly, made a painful expression.

\- I'm not hungry.

\- Do you still think about the dead when eating? - Janet asked in a teasing way. - Sometimes it happened to us when we fed for the first time. He was from the other coven; Jason, I think? Well... that was probably his name. I'm really excited to not have to fed on somebody else's magic. It's not a pleasant process, Jonathan.

\- Beverly told me it involves cannibalism sometimes.

Janet raised an eyebrow and made the same pain face as her sister.

\- A few extreme cases. Luckily, you won't have to go through this today.

\- Today?

\- It's part of the process, Jon. - Janet answered. - What did you put on these cookies?

\- A lot of chocolate.

\- We already know that, you dumbass. - This time Janet was hurting, she grabbed my arm and pressed it. Her fingernails could stab my skin if she kept agonizing.

\- A little enchanted dough.

\- To give a taste of what? - Janet rolled up her eyes.

\- And a little bit of poison. - They both fell on the ground, puking blood mixed with chocolate that was staining the floor and the white sheets.

\- T-they will find out. - Janet said, choking with blood and puke.

\- I'll die today, so fuck it. - I got up. - You didn't think you could mess with my head and get out unharmed, right?

Neither was able to answer, they were just moaning in pain. Their bodies seemed like broken dolls laying on the floor, blood all around them.

\- You bitches. Stick that drugs in your ass. - And then I left, leaving them to die in pain.

  
  
  
  


\- This can't be happening, you don't have the authority, Lois! - Beverly was saying, angry and slowly, pointing a finger at my mother's face. After the murder of the twins, I went to the hall of the mansion where my mother wanted to meet me and I got surprised with the presence of half the coven in a circle with both of them in the middle. Everyone was wearing black. Men with elegant black cloaks and women with long black dresses and crystals on the edges. - Don't dare talk to me like this!

\- What is happening here? - I cleared my throat while I climbed the stairs down slowly. - Why didn't somebody gave me a nice cloak too?

  
  


\- That's none of your business, Jonathan! - She almost yelled looking at me. Beverly was also wearing her regular clothes.

  
  


\- Actually, it is. - Lois rolled up her eyes. - I found your letters, my dear friend.

  
  


\- Which letters?

  
  


I stopped in the middle of the staircase when she spoke about the letters. What is happening?

  
  


\- You and Timothy Drake! You were contacting each other for months and you told him everything we were doing! - The coven didn't disguise their surprise. I didn't expect a betrayal coming from Beverly.

  
  


The hall was huge enough for all of us and I suspected something when Lois started to get far from Beverly.

  
  


\- That is a lie! - She pointed her fingers again at my mother. Suddenly a sharp candlestick flew through the room towards my mom, almost hitting her head if she wasn't quick enough. It stopped in middle air just near her face. - I put my life at risk for you! I invaded the police department and put fire on whatever might have blamed you and was able to blame Timothy, one of the other coven, they could have killed me! You know how they are violent!

  
  


\- They? Well, then you don't belong here. - She grabbed the sharp object with her hand and analysed it. - You just tried to kill me now. How do you think I feel?

  
  


\- I almost sacrificed myself for you and this coven a lot of times! To bring that boy to you and go through all the steps of madness! - She exclaimed pointing at me. Beverly had a certain disgust in her voice when she started to talk about me. Must I feel bitter? I don't know.

  
  


I start to walk down the stairs slowly, just watching they both.

  
  


\- And what do you have to say about this? - Lois clapped twice to caught the attention of our eyeless butler. He showed up in the middle of the crowd with a lot of papers in his hands; Lewis Gardner was a tall man and also wear cloaks most of the time, even though he didn't had eyes he could still see perfectly for some reason.

  
  


Lois grabbed the letters from his hands and threw them on the ground, by Beverly's feet.

  
  


\- You fooled all of us and tried to kill your sister. You know that the punishment must fit the crime.

  
  


\- No! - Beverly widened her eyes open and in less than a second her body was being devoured by violet flames. She was screaming with pain and agony, while her skin was consumed by the huge flames. Around her there was a pink light. Shrieked a lot, agony, pain and frustration together. Beverly was really influential inside the coven and I was almost able to feel the pain of betrayal, especially because I suspected something was fishy about that story.

  
  


Lois grabbed my arm and dragged me close to the woman burning.

  
  


\- Now you will feed for the first time. You can't turn around after this.

  
  


\- I agreed from the beginning, mommy. I'll give myself over to whatever I need to do to bring him back and give you all the life you deserve. - She held my hand and closed her eyes.

  
  


\- Focus then. - The lights around us became what seemed to be waves of oil floating in the air. That seemed to attract all the witches and warlocks around me and by now Beverly was already dead. - And let magic consume her.

  
  
  
  


**DAMIAN WAYNE**

  
  
  


All this time I had hidden myself in the darkness of my mind like a coward. Only a coward. The eye patch was disturbing to my skin, but I don't have many options and I don't

have any time to insert a glass eye. If Jon, real Jon and not that empty product made by Lois, was here, he would slap me and tell me to do what I always did: trust my instict. I never was able to handle the hole he left in my heart, and neither to handle the hole I must have left in his.

  
  


Spiders and worms were crawling through the wet leaves in the forest's ground while I awaited for everyone to get ready inside the mansion. Pennyworth was standing by my side, near the car. He was wearing his butler uniform like always. I was ready to kick asses and get my Jon out of that snake pit.

  
  


\- And that's why I don't have any children. - He said in his cold voice accompanied by a British accent. - He would end up dead because of the blood that runs in my veins. This magical blood that ties us to unhappiness.

  
  


\- I'm not planning to let him die. - I warned him. I turned my face to look at his deep and analytic eyes.

  
  


\- Did your father warned you up about the dangers?

  
  


\- Yes. I won't sacrifice my soulmate when we have a little chance of escaping together. - I crossed my arms and laid my back on the car. It was dawning already and the first rays of sun were shining through the windows of the mansion. A brief sight because soon mist and grey coulds would dominate the sky, but it was still good to know that there's life in this place.

  
  


\- Young Jon always saw something special about you, maybe that's why he didn't resist to get close when he had the chance.

  
  


\- Are you trying to make me feel guilty?

  
  


\- I understand you feel that you were being used by your father, but you're right that there's only a little chance of him escaping alive without opening the portal.

  
  


\- If it wasn't because of Richard, that lunatic cannibal...

  
  


\- If it wasn't for him - Pennyworth interrupted me. - Your soulmate won't exist. Everything happens for a reason why and it all takes us to now.

  
  


Before I could question him, they started to come out of the mansion. Colin was the first one to come out by Pamela's side. They were both holding guns, I didn't plan to make a 'duel of wizards' but to massacre all of them.

  
  


My idea. Of course.

  
  


\- I hope you know what you will do. - Penny told me.

  
  


Colin and Kathy knew I wouldn't let him die and they would do everythin they could to help me find the quicker possible. I wasn't raising any expectations because I knew they would just destroy me, but I was planning to rescue him even if we had to battle cosmic demons. They already know what to expect of it and especially of me, I had already put ourselves in deadly problems a few times for hiding informations, like the last time we killed a pyromaniac in Downtown Gotham. The man was too dangerous and he could burn all that area in the blink of an eye.

  
  


\- Let's find her and take her throat out. - Kathy blinked at me while she hid her weapons. A bloodthirsty and brave witch.

  
  


\- Come, we don't have any time to lose. - Colin said putting his cold hand on my shoulder. - We have to save the warlock in distress.

  
  


I got inside the black car by their side. We were in minority, failure seemed unevitable, I knew these sons of bitches were almost a legion.

  
  


\- I never agreed to murder people. - Bruce said looking at me on the front seat. - Your method always seemed too violent, but now I realize you were right and that if I used it when Clark was alive, maybe it wouldn't have been necessary to sacrifice him. - By my side, Kathy held her gun so tightly that I thought she was about to shot him. I won't have complained if she did it. There's a scratch in her cheek, close to the nose. Long and morbid, from her left eye to the chin. She never told me where she got that scar, but something tells me it wasn't any of my business.

  
  


\- You should listen to your son more often. - She murmured.

  
  


Bruce looked down to the wallet in his lap.

  
  


\- They already took many of ours and they won't take anymore. - On the road, another car was following ours. Pamela was there with the rest of us. - What if there's a connection even I wasn't able to see? The first meeting with Nyarlathotep is still a mystery to all of us, but what if there's something beyond that?

  
  


\- That's no time for doubts now, sir. - Penny said without taking his eyes off the road.

  
  


I always asked why I was chosen to be by his side, I tried to contact my familiar spirit to find guidance and understand why it had chosen that goddamned kid. Now I'm wondering why I was chosen to leave him behind, to let him die to bring into this reality beings that even Lois doesn't know about. Maybe that's why I always tried to keep distance. I was raised to think that feelings were a weakness, an useless thing that would keep me from achieving my best.

  
  


I was always wrong about this.

  
  


Because now I'm ready to kill Lois and open and kill all those bastard demons with my katana.

  
  
  
  


If I could travel back in time to the moment it all started, I would grab his face and enjoy every second. I can still remember the hot summer wind blowing against my face while I drove my motorcycle in a high speed through the city. A rare sight, the sun during the afternoon, we didn't had this privilege even during summer.

  
  


Jon called me to go to the lake that his brother took him last year. Conner Kent was able to be more annoying and childish than his younger brother, and even gave him that damn loud dog. Jon deserved a calm, silent and brave cat. In a few minutes I arrived at the Kent residency, a yellow house that had two floors and with more windows than my father's mansion. I rang their bell.

  
  


While I awaited for someone to show up, I heard some kids playing in the street, some were looking at me just like if I were the damned angel of death. Maybe it was because of my clothes or my tough face, I don't know and I don't care. The neighbourhood is quiet around here, that's possibly because it's a neighbourhood for old people.

  
  


When the door opened, Lois showed up wearing an extravagant, sea blue dress, she was also wearing red shoes and Valentine's Day socks. Now I know from where Jon had those weird combinations.

  
  


\- Oh, hello there. - She said with a raised eyebrow. Didn't seem happy to see me at all. - Jonathan is still finishing to dress up. You can go up there.

  
  


\- Does he know I'm here?

  
  


\- Of course he doesn't, you just arrived.

  
  


The house smelled like strawberries and there were a lot of family pictures through the hall. Some showed Jon in a trip to Vancouver. He was along with a group of friends sitting in a beach in one of them. They all seemed like hippies. Another picture showed Conner in his "rebel" phase next to Clark.

  
  


I climbed the stairs and I was going directly to his room. Then I heard some loud voices speaking and Conner just came out of Jon's room.

  
  


\- Jon, your midget friend arrived! - He shouted to Jon, blinked at me and went away. He was really an older and more annoying version of Jon.

  
  


The boy was with his back turned to me, standing still and putting stuff on his red backpack. He was wearing a blue shirt and ripped pants. He was trying to put some green towels inside his backpack, which is probably filled with junk food. He made a huge effort to put it in and zip it.

  
  


\- Oh my God! - He screamed when he turned and looked at me. - You look like a ghost. - He was looking confused now.

  
  


His room had an annoying red colour on the walls and bookshelves filled up. Brave new world was on top of the purple sheets, with a page bookmarked near the ending. The cover was really old and torn and it was almost too hard to read the title. Jon and his freaky hoarding.

  
  


\- Can we go now?

  
  


\- Sure! - He said smiling, he grabbed the heavy backpack and making a light pain face when he put it on his back.

  
  


\- Is it too heavy to you, Kent?

  
  


\- I can do it! - He said moving his eyes and blushing. Jon was really weird lately, at least near me. Sometimes he would avoid certain subjects and would got far without any reason, it wasn't the same one I knew, the one always sticking his nose when no one called him or bothering me when he called me friend near my real friends on Gotham Academy. - They told me you were expelled from the Academy. Did you spanked a boy older than you?

  
  


Sure. That little detail.

  
  


I could have home schooling if I wanted, my mom taught me a lot of things I would learn only in years of school, but of course, before she tried to kill me.

  
  


\- Gossip spreads like fire in this house. - I murmured while I walked to leave the room. Kent came behind me like the good follower he was.

  
  


\- We can go on my bike, it's on the backyard.

  
  


I turned at him.

  
  


\- You're not speaking seriously, are you?

  
  


He smiled nervously and rolled his eyes up.

  
  


\- You always go too fast on that motorcycle.

  
  


\- Are you afraid, Jonathan? Do you need your mommy there to hold your hand, little cry baby? - I teased him. I held his hand and spoke like Ike Broflovski from South Park.

  
  


\- Very funny. - He rolled his eyes again and then I dragged me by the hand towards the entrance of his house. - Will you come?

  
  
  
  
  
  


Of course the cry baby was nervous during all of the traject, he grabbed into me like if it was his only salvation. He had already showed me the way in the map before and I had it in my mind. When we arrived at the distant point of Downtown Gotham, we could see the big city in all its splendour. Huge skyscrapers everywhere. He guided me through a tall forest. We went through a corridor of stones covered with poison ivy and a line of mist until we arrived in a clair with a crystaline lake right beyond.

Jon played "Head Over Heels", by Tears for Fears, in his cellphone and left it at the top of a huge boulder. So he started to take out his shirt slowly. I wasn't able to look away. Don't know why.

He was humming the song while he showed his tan back. His skin is soft and it becomes red because of anything, so if I pressed his shoulders would my fingers leave a mark on him?

\- Won't you come? - He asked me and then took off his pants. - I am waiting. - He pointed to the black jacket. - Come on, bat, don't tell me you're afraid of the water. - He kinda smiled in a teasingful way.

The trees were shaking in the distance because of the hot wind. I took my jacket off quickly, I thought he was there to watch the scene, but a small disappointment hit me when I saw he was already swimming in the lake. Son of a bitch. I didn't understand why I was angry about him, but the feeling was becoming bloated and it was mixed with the frustration of past weeks when I noticed he was trying to get away from me little by little. The annoying song was still playing.

I got into the water wanting to kick his ass.

\- Why are you looking like you're not liking it?

\- Don't be confused, the only thing I don't like here is you.

\- As polite and soft as a horse.

\- I'll go away and leave you alone.

\- I'm sorry. Did I offend the horse?

I threw myself in the lake by his side. He tried to swim away, but I grabbed his arm. Seems like that I dived into ice cubes, but I was able to disguise the thermal shock and I got him in my arms. I grabbed both his arms behind and with my other hand, I pushed his head.

\- What did you say again, cry baby? - I asked near his ear. His skin was as cold as the water.

\- So you're rude and also deaf? I feel sorry for who will be with you.

I pressed more his arms until I heard some moanings of pain.

\- All right! All right! I take back what I said about our sanctity. - Even in a dangerous situation, his irony speaks louder than the brain. I let him loose, but I stayed next to him. He swimmed away from me to the middle of the lake. I still don't know why that made me even angrier.

\- This morning my mom told me I had to wear glasses. - I swimmed towards him, analysing his confused expression. - To see how much of an evil character you are.

\- Evil character? Me? - I can't say I disagree.

\- I think she's right. - To hear he agree with that were like spikes. It made me even angrier, but I took a time to speak anything.

\- So that's why you got away from me?

\- I thought this would make you happy. - She frowned and stayed immobile for a moment, looking at me with his huge and childish blue eyes.

\- Are you an idiot somehow? Why do you think you can be so presunctious about what I think and what I don't?

\- I'm givin' you all my love, givin' you all my love - Jon started to hum the slow song that started to play in the distance.

\- Can you look me at the face and answer why did you think you had this right? - I lost my temper and grabbed his shoulders.

\- You said it yourself that we weren't friends and that you wanted to stay away from me!

\- It's only because of this? So I'm sorry...

\- No. - He interrupted me. - You just don't understand. You say you are the best detective in town, but you don't understand shit! - The cold wind blew through us.

\- What are you...

He interrupted me again, but not with words.

I felt his soft, hot lips in mine. I widened my eyes, the wind blowing against me. I was frozen by the shock and I didn't know what to do. He didn't kiss deeply, but he stayed with his lips on mine for a time before I pushed him away without saying any word.

\- Damian? - He called me hesitantly and without daring to get close. Everything seemed silent now if it wasn't by the birds near the water and Jon's muzak. I didn't know how to react and ended up doing it the worst way possible. I went towards him and punched him the hardest I could. I could have fainted him, but luckily that didn't happen. He got away from me moaning painfully and then I swim rocketed to the land.

He stayed confused behind while I put on my clothes. I wasn't able to say any word when I saw the blood dripping off his lips and neither when I saw his eyes filled with pain. I think I'm just finished with fucking things up for both of us. I got on my motorcycle and went away the fastest I could.

Took months until we even barely spoke again. And I said I wanted to be his boyfriend, what wasn't really easy for me.

We arrived at the mansion's front that was falling apart. The sun had vanished completely, leaving a mist behind. I was the first one to leave the car and grabbed my katana and another sword that I had in my room, I had many actually, all gifts from grandfather. My investigation board was pointing exactly to this place, in the middle of the triangle area where the bodies were found.

\- This looks totally abandoned. - Colin said, leaving the car after me.

\- That's exactly how they want it to look. - I looked closely for any window that's not broken. All of they were broken and fixed with wood.

\- He's inside there, what are we waiting for? - Kathy asked us.

\- We have to be careful! - Pamela exclaimed by my side. - I'm going in first along Timothy. - My brother waved to me before making his gun ready. Both of them got into the entrance door and Pamela opened it with a little finger movement. The noise echoed through everywhere. If we didn't caught anyone's attention when we arrived, then now we certainly did.

\- It really looks abandoned. - Colin said in a thoughtful way.

Before we could answer the obvious, a woman showed up in the front of us, probably transmuted. She was tall and was wearing a black, ritualistic dress. She was also smiling sadistically with a knife in her hand. She showed up and then disappeared in a matter of seconds, but not before stabbing Pamela in the chest with that knife. Before I could react, Colin grabbed my arm and dragged me inside with Kathy's help.

\- They will take care of this, we have more important things to do now! - Colin yelled at me. - They are everywhere!

We passed by a burnt body in the middle of a huge hall. The lighting was low here, just a few candles that were about to turn out. Here it smells like death.

- _GALENSKAP, DÖD!_ \- A violet light boom invaded the hall when we were running towards the staircase. I heard Bruce screaming in agony. He was by our side with his hands raised up. The same witch that murdered Pamela was on the top of the stairs looking and pointing at us. The spell of madness and death.

\- Run! - Her energies ran out fast and she was obviously not able to handle it anymore.

Colin guided us to the other side where there was a broken door. It seemed like a sort of wrecked dinning room and then were caught off guard by a man who showed up amidst the shadows. My heart was beating fast, but I'm able to control surprise to not show weakness. His face was somehow familiar.

Scott.

The man Beverly recommended to Jon.

\- You're all goind to die today. - He smiled showing his teeth and took a gun out of his jacket. Before we could shield ourselves with a spell, Scott shot at one of us.

I was able to see the bullet in Colin's head before he dropped dead on the ground. His opened eyes were staring at the nothingness. A pain cut through my chest and it was enough for me to grab my dagger and run towards Scott, who vanished and reappeared a little beyond, smiling in a childish way.

\- Jon is dead! Jon is dead! - He ran through the dinning room to a passage in the other side.

Kathy and I ran after him. I hear his movements through the air, just like if he was everywhere at the same time. The tears were keeping me from seeing right, but I knew where he was going. We stumbled in the bodies of two girls laying in a narrow hall. We heard loud screams echoing through all the mansion, a lot of lights blinking just like if we were in a goddamned disco.

I hear a yell behind me and when I turned I can see Kathy had already killed the witch holding a chainsaw. She hit her right in the head, destroying a part of her skull after stabbing continuously. A loud bang echoed in the hall next to us. A floor fell right on the dinning room. We ran quickly through the hall before something happened.

\- We have to catch that bastard, Damian! - Seeing Colin die make me feel like a bond was breaking inside of me, but I still have a chance to save me, Kathy and Jon. - We have to kill him!

\- Don't hesitate, children. - Scott said coldly at the end of the hall. Kathy war cried and ran towards him with one dagger in each hand, she was so quick that she was able to stab both sides of his neck and then even cut his jaw, making blood fall out of his chin. I grabbed my katana while I ran towards him and cut his arms off.

Another warlock showed up. We didn't had any time to react until he held Kathy's shoulders, really pressing them. Through her pain expression, he did huge damage. I quickly slipped my katana through his neck, cutting his head off and then it rolled through the floor.

Kathy was moaning with pain laying on the dirty wall. Tears were coming out of her eyes. I kneel near her and I try to focus and cast a healing spell, I can still remember one that Pamela taught me, it would take a lot of time, but I could save her.

\- No! - She said in a weak voice, her blue eyes losing the shine they always had. - You got to save him... there's not much time! - She was practically whispering looking at my eyes. - Find the spell to travel back in time in her book. - She was already losing strength to speak, but I was able to hear some last, bluffed words. - For Jon.

I ran to the exit and found myself in the kitchen. There was a huge destroyed refrigerator on the floor. There were a lot of bodies and I recognized one on the corner. Bruce.

The wallet containing the spirit of darkness still was in his hands. That thing seemed desperate to get out for what I could hear from its screaming inside. I got close to him and took that from his hands. I need to find him now.

His screams denounced him. He was behind the mansion. Behind these dirty walls.

\- Fördärv förstörande kraft - I spoke the words that I remembered with hate spelled on every letter. The fragile walls fell just like if they were pushed by a weak wind, revealing a forest and a storm outside. 

Jon was laying on the middle of the altar, wearing a bone crown and a brown cloak that covered him completely. His hair changed, he was... blonde?

Lois was standing by his side holding an athame, smiling like a madwoman. Around the altar, her victims were kneeling just like if they were watching a coronation ceremony.

\- You're alive! - She spoke surprised when she saw me. Her spooked eyes showed that that wasn't on her plan. Lightning bolts were striking and one striked a tree next to me.

\- You're dead. - I smiled sadistically and threw the wallet on the ground, opening it with my boot. The hungry thing came out of it and was floating in the sky, taking a lot of different shapes.

\- No! - The thing flew towards her and made her float too. They created a black circle around her and soon all of his body parts flew everywhere, looked like solid stuff being shaken in a bender.

Jonathan moaned with pain while he tried to get up and got pale when he saw me.

The mansion behind catch fire and even with the storm, the flames were spreading fast. The fire was projecting my shadow in the ground, making me look like some sort of cosmic monster.

\- It's all right now. - I got close slowly to not scare him. He was staring me like if he was looking at a ghost.

\- I killed you!

\- That's true, and it took a lot of Pamela's time to bring me back. - My chest hurt when I spoke about her. I kneeled by his side and awaited the right time for him to accept what was happening.

\- You're alive! - He hugged me tightly and started to cry. - They said you died and I believed it! I'm sorry I didn't go after you. - He said in the middle of a compulsive cry. I put him on my lap and pressed my face on his. - You're stinking.

\- What matters is that you're well.

He made a weird sound with the throat and I looked at his chest. There was blood and a cut in his cloak.

\- I forgive you for everything. - He said crying, the rain falling over his face and touching gently my chin. I feel that I could let him fall any moment with my arms shaking now. I felt fear.

\- I can heal you!

\- You know you can't... it's too late for that. - The rain was creating an additional weight on my shoulders. I just wasn't able to look at his face knowing I wasn't able to save him. - But it's alright because it isn't goodbye. - He grabbed my chin again and forced me to look at his not so innocent blue eyes.

\- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I wasn't able to control myself now and I let it all out. - I didn't want any of this to happen!

\- I know, Dami, but you have to! To save everybody, I'm the last one left and you know everything would simply happen again. - He was losing his strength slowly. - Being by your side all this time was complicated, but I loved, I love you. Our memories will always be ours and they can't be destroyed. - He got close to me and I could feel his cold lips in mine. A wet kiss of goodbye. - I'll always love you.

\- Jon...

\- _Don't you forget about me_. - And he let his last sigh out in my arms. Now all that's left to me is his body cold as an ice cube in my arms. In the horizon, a bluebird flew amidst the flames to the security of the thick leaves and met a grounchy bat. The flames were all controlled by now, but the storm was only getting worse, just like the emptiness inside of me.

I kneeled with his body and started to cry in his cold chest.

\- Never. I'll never forget about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's a really long chapter and that's why it was delayed because it was a pain in the ass to translate (of course, the translator will get some ass later)
> 
> Author's note: It was a chapter really hard to write, I cried writing a few parts, but it's alright. I'm excited to know what you think of it and don't forget there's still one more chapter.


	19. Glass Palace

The last sight and awakening to a new world.

19 - Glass Palace

Jonathan Kent

There's something spooky about the way I woke up this morning.

My window was open, but I wasn't able to see anything but the rain falling over Gotham, some drops forming a little waterfall in my window. This morning I wasn't able to see anything from the city but the silhouettes of the skyscrapers. Full silhouettes and nothing more. Dizziness hit me for a moment and I had to ask: What happened?

The room seemed to be exactly the way I remembered it being, but there was still something wrong. A feeling of not belonging. My closet was open, showing all my coloured clothes, which contrasted with all the monochromatic ambient that my mother insisted in keeping. Lois. Her name seemed to have a heavy weight now. I just can't remember why.

Maybe it's the medicine.

Somehow I knew something wasn't right.

My eyes were extremely heavy now, just like if they got punched and I could feel two dark circles below them. There was coffee in the bottle, my mother prepares it every morning before she leaves earlier than me. I got surprised when I saw a little red note pinned on the refrigerator. My mother didn't left me notes anymore, at least not since daddy died.

I went to it slowly while I contempled the destructive weather out there. The strength of the wind surprised me, but even the sky seemed weird. Greyish and without any clouds, it looked like it was simply made of clay.

I grabbed the note and I tried to understand what was written in it.

The last sigh. I'm sorry I wasn't here to welcome you.

But welcome home. Again.

\- D.

I kind of smiled. Even though I was completely alone in the colourless apartment, I still felt that I was being watched, like if the walls had eyes. D. Like in Damian, the schoolboy who's been getting my attention lately; of course, our last interactions were complete disasters. I sipped my coffee and I was thinking about wearing a pair of socks manually sewn that my mother bought me last year, when we went to Canada. Our first trip without daddy.

I look at myself at the kitchen's mirror. Messy black hair, lifeless blue eyes... I'm trying to not think about my problems... with the drugs and my fucked up memory. I was going to have therapy with Dr. Beverly Manson to try and solve this. I finished drinking my coffee and went to grab my backpack in my room.

1

Wearing a huge yellow raincoat and red boots I was walking in the rain. No one was in the streets, Gotham was looking like a big ghost town. There were deep ponds in the walkway and one of them almost grabbed my boots. The way to the school wasn't long, so I went everyday walking. I got frustrated because I wasn't able to listening to music on maximum volume on the way so I started to sing the first song that came to mind.

\- I'm giving you all my giving you all my, giving you all my love. - The lyrics seemed to have a special meaning to me. Lois never told me why and it's not easy to figure out alone.

My mind went back to Damian again. He was extremely gentle to me on the first day of school, when I lost myself at school and he guided me to the back of the school, where he smoked with me. Damian was very present at school and also perfectionist and a huge admirer of Nicolas Tesla. 

I passed by a light post with some huge yellow paper pinned in it that had someone's face and some more sayings below. Of course that got my attention. I wasn't able to see straight because of the fog but then I realized who was on the picture.

Jonathan Kent

MISSING 

The picture was completely different. My face didn't seemed to have any problems and my hair was short and blonde. I frowned and looked around, expecting it to be just an idiot joke.

\- Colin? This isn't funny! - It was the first name that came to mind. Colin was always the one to make these idiot jokes. He's Damian's best friend and was the first one to got close to me, when he asked if I had a boyfriend or a sexual partner. There was also Kathy Branden, who was a little shier and avoided talking too much. - Guys?

Silhouettes of people showed up around me. Silently, until they started screaming and pointing fingers at me.

\- The chosen one! - They were my neighbours of the building. It was then that I noticed that they didn't have eyes. I layed on the light post, still standing, just expecting for it all to reveal itself as a realistic nightmare. I shut my eyes and started to slap my cheeks. - The chosen one! The chosen one!

\- Wake up! Wake up! - I was saying to myself like a mantra. I thought that if I wake up, I would have to bear my mother's melancholy. Sitting by the table of the living room with a piano playing in the back and her white clothes and pale face. Then Damian with his contagious smiles and the stories of his travels around the world with his mother and the sweet memories we had together even if I wasn't brave enough to come clean about my feelings for him.

Tears were now joining the rain.

There was also Katarina, the girl of the library, we were getting along a lot lately and I even called her to dine with me and Lois. 

\- The lord of chaos is raised! - They were kneeling before me just like if I was some kind of deity. They were raising their hands up to the black sky and they stayed like that. There were a lot of people, eyeless and completely mad. Maybe it was just one of my hallucinations, that's it! Of course!

Before I could leave running, someone grabbed my arm and took me away from the imaginary crowd. I wasn't able to see right with the rain, but after a short run, the stranger took me to a dead end and pushed me against the wall. I was awaiting for the impact, but I just felt soft grass. It was like crossing a paper wall.

The sunny and green camp was all around us now.

\- What the fuck? Who are you?

I lost my breath when I saw myself standing there. It was like looking at a mirror. Birds were singing around us and wind seemed to carry whispers that came from the horizon. There was also an undeniable smell of lavender here that brought me weird memories, they were there, all the feelings, I just wasn't able to see.

\- First of all, I'm not you, dude. And no, you're not where you think you are. It's just your mind's creation.

\- What?

The clone rolled up his eyes and crossed his arms. Deep scars were scattered through his pale skin. Some even spelled words. Madness. Magik. Paranoia. Dream. I denied with my head while I tried to find a way out of the lavender camp. The purple camp was extending itself through all of the horizon; even the clouds seemed to have a purple shade now. I felt dizziness again as I looked at the endless camp. There was only a windmill away from here.

\- I didn't expect that you would listen at first anyways. You never listen. You always rather to listen to the other.

\- Which other?

\- We live here. - The clone came near me and touched my forehead. He smelled like lilies and strawberries. - I can remember things that you can't. The first sigh when you came out of Lois' womb. The first time you hurt myself. I can remember everything in colour and sound. - He grabbed my arm and helped me get out of the grass. I took my raincoat off slowly without taking my eyes off the stranger, who was also still staring me. I wanted to take off my Silent Hill shirt because of the hot weather here.

\- Who are you?

The clone smiled. 

\- Well, actually, I'm not a who, but more of a what.

The strong wind blew suddenly, almost dragging me too. My raincoat flew through the sky and before I could lament, the clone grabbed my arm and we started to run again. A huge explosion blew through the lavender camps behind us. It sounded like a thunder and it seemed like a sandstorm coming towards us.

\- What's that? - I asked the clone while we ran through the endless camp. The smell was sickening me now. Instead of lavander, it was starting to smell like a bunch of dead animals.

\- It's mommy! - He stopped suddenly and grabbed my shoulders. - I need you to focus!

\- For what?

While we stopped, that thing was getting closer. The purple clouds became red bubbles and the blue sky became red. The sound was echoing all around us, just like if it was coming from all around.

\- Stop asking questions and focus with me!

I shut my eyes tightly, getting ready inside to die, or to wake up from this nightmare. When that got close in a second, I felt a lot of touches in my body and screams of pain and agony.

A thunder dispersed the screams.

And so I felt the rain hit me hard.

I opened my eyes, still feeling my clone's cold touch. We were in the middle of a dark forest. I was wet again in a matter of seconds, my backpack was a heavy weight now so I let it go from my shoulders and put it above my feet.

I was going to ask how that happened and where were we, but I already had one of my answers. Behind me, I recognized the Wayne mansion, or what was left of it.

\- What has happened here?

It's completely destroyed. Broken windows and a few parts that seemed to be destroyed by a fire. Poison ivy was growing in the destroyed walls and the rain was feeding the invader plants.

\- Lois. That's what happened. Mommy destroyed everything good in the world and you don't remember anything that happened before waking up here.

\- What is here?

\- The unknown, the other side, the subconscious? - The clone shrugged. - I don't really know. My goal here is only to guide you.

I frowned with one of the names.

\- The other side? Does this mean that...

\- Yes. You died.

I widened my eyes and opened my mouth out of shock. I got away from him, pushing my backpack in the mud.

\- What are you?

\- I live in your mind.

\- I don't understand! - My tears were joining the cold raindrops again. - What have I done? Why can't I remember?

\- This place was made to give you everything you deserve, but it anyways makes you live in an endless loop of suffering and shadows. You're just chained one more time and now there's no way to escape.

\- Where is death? Where is the light? - I asked, skeptic about what I believe myself. It sounded like fairy tales when compared to this place.

\- Death can't enter here. It's like your own fortress of solitude. - I was surprised about how calm he was, seeing our situation. I wasn't able to see straight anymore because of the tears and the rain. Everything was actually nothing but a blur. - This place is nothing but a creation of the Lord of Chaos. A last gift for us.

\- Do you call this place a gift? - I asked him. My voice cracked. I'm so vulnerable now.

\- There is something wrong here, but it's so pleasant. Everything you could want for a price. Eternal suffering in the end and begin again. It's been 28 weeks since you first woke up here, with implanted memories and everything you ever wanted when you were alive.

\- I just want to wake up. - I was shaking because of the cold. The raindrops were falling on my skin like sharp knives now.

\- And you will. We just need to kill your connection to the lord of chaos.

I stared at him, not believing what I heard.

\- What do you mean?

The clone came near to me and grabbed me in his cold arms. Now he didn't smell like anything, but he still could feel a little of his melancholia, a bitter smell.

\- You need to remember what happened until you arrived here. - The cloned pressed his pointing finger on my forehead and all of the scenario changed again.

Literally a film was being exhibited in my mind. Everything that happened on the other side with me, Katarina... Damian. I saw my death like a mere observer and that tore me apart completely. I was contemplating my own dead body in the arms of someone I love. There was scenes of destruction there too; it was like looking at a mirror.

\- We need to kill that which keeps you locked in here.

2

My magic doesn't work here. I don't know why.

My doppelganger brought me back to the same place; my mother's apartment. It looked exactly like the original, the one from the other side. It was so weird to say that now. The other side.  
Funny, like if it actually never was my home.

It was already night and Damian didn't stop texting my ghost cellphone. That's how I call things here; ghost objects. I wasn't brave enough to touch anything.

Lois came back a few hours later with food. Sushi. I can remember that, on the other side, she came back with masks for the mask ball. Everything's different. Everything as I always wished.

\- How was school today? - She asked while sitting at a chair. She was wearing black pants and a Beatles shirt that was too huge for her. Her short hair is black like the darkest sky and her eyes, as white as milk. One weird characteristic of this place were the eyes. On the pictures with Damian that were hanging on the walls, his eyes are also white, milky. Searching my fake memories here, I also found out that we like to fuck on the back of the school. What a scandal.

\- It was fun. - I kinda smiled. Lois isn't even guilty of all the evil that'll happen to me on this side, at least that's not what it looks. - I think I did well at a surprised test. - I wasn't feeling hungry, but that sushi really seemed tasty.

\- That's great, Jon. - She held my hand, smiled in an enchanting way. - Your dad would be so proud. Your brother too.

I'm wondering how can she see me.

Rain was still pretty strong out there. Here it doesn't stop to rain; maybe it was something I couldn't possibly control, like my destiny?

\- I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. I wasn't able to sleep well this week. I guess I'm finally going crazy. - She said, with her cheeks blushed. - I hope everything's well with you and Damian.

\- You can bet.

\- Will Katarina come have diner with us next month?

A good trap of this world. I know she isn't here, this isn't her place.

\- I have to confirm later, but I guess so.

The lights started to blink. The sign. I got up abruptly and went to catch my yellow raincoat. Even though I lost it at the lavender camps, I'm still in loop and nothing can be out of place, it's impossible.

\- What are you doing? - She asked me not even moving. I stopped in the middle of the hall and turned back.

\- I'm sure you're the best mother of this world. - I touched her cold cheek gently. Now I've noticed a curious detail; the people here don't breathe. - And I'll try to fix everything for both of us. - This Lois didn't deserve to pay for the problems I brought with me.

She frowned. It was so complicated to read her emotions when I wasn't able to see her eyes. She was just staring at me with her white eyes. Confusion was still apparent in her face.

\- Everything will work out. - I kissed her forehead.

\- Can we play chess after you return from your roleplay with Damian?

\- Sure. - I wave and then I go through the short hall. I put on the yellow raincoat and I got ready to leave the apartment.

I'm still here and I'll guide you to arrive there.

The voice of the "clone" seemed to be coming from inside my head. Maybe it really was inside here, life here is strange.

\- How do I find the other Lois?

I know what you're thinking and no. She's not real. That's all that is left of her inside of you. It's the rotteness that ties us to the cycle.

I shut my eyes at the hall and I thought about the mansion on fire when Damian arrived too late to rescue me. My hands were shaking. I bite my lips strongly when I start to feel the heat in my skin.

I open my eyes and I can see I'm back, but we're inside the mansion and the fire is spreading. Lois was wearing her ritualistic clothes and her messy red hair. I felt my throat burning when she stared at me with her dark eyes.

\- Where are you?

You are-are-are halluci-hallucinating now.

\- What? - Lois came near me like a monster floating. She was murmuring senseless things and in a language that I couldn't understand.

T-they are w-watching.

The smell of blood was all over the place while the fire was just spreading more and more and I was already able to feel my body sweating.

\- Darling, please don't run from me, I love you... - She was speaking in a cracked and raspy voice. She had long black nails. The fire wasn't coming towards us, like if we were in a safe space. She was looking at me with anger even while speaking sweetly; I could feel hate burning in her eyes, I could feel hate burning all around us. - Without you I'll wither.

So everything made sense. From the beginning. It was that what my mother put inside me.

\- Without you I'll witheeeeer... - The creature shouted and ran towards me. Its heavy steps echoing through the mansion. Its smell of dead thing was sickening me. I took my raincoat off and I tried to torn a part of it apart. - Without you I'll dieeeeeee...

I didn't tried to get away this time. Then an umbilical cord materialized connecting me to her, the creature. The scarlet cord seemed to throw acid in my blood flow. I grabbed that tightly and even hurting a lot, I took it out. The creature painfully moaned and showed its sharp teeth.

\- You're guilty! You're guilty about everything! - I said that over and over when I put my hand in its chest. The body was cold inside just like if there were a million of ice cubes inside it. It gave me chills and contrasted with the heat of the place. The safe place seemed to cease to exist and the fire was spreading through the room. I took out what seemed to be the heart of the beast.

A heart that was still beating, a greyish heart that soon shattered like glass. It was scattered through the floor while the fire came towards him.

The pain was a relief. The only release I had. The creature was still moaning and didn't seem to accept what was happening. The fire destroyed my skin and my hair. I looked at the creature agonizing on the floor and a tear came out of one eye and fell through my deformed cheek.

3

I opened my eyes and started to suck all the air I could get with my mouth. My body was shaking entirely until I calmed myself watching the rays of sun shining through the forest. I was laying on the ground near the abandoned mansion, the place of horrors and of my murder.

\- You woke up. - I heard a happy voice by my side and when I saw that it was Damian I lost control of myself. I hugged him tightly and started to cry.

\- I had a nightmare! It was horrible. - I was grabbing him like if he was going to protect me from the horrors of my own mind. The sun was illuminating the destroyed mansion. I saw some green goo in my arms and made a face of disgust. - You had died there and me too. It was a place full of darkness and unhappiness, a nightmare where I wasn't able to wake anymore.

\- What nonsense, Jonathan. It's all right now, it was just a bad dream. - Damian was still hugging me with his strong arms, I felt that he won't allow me to fall into another nightmare. There was still pain in my voice while I spoke about whay I could remember about the nightmare. All these memories were slowly fading away, every painful feeling leaving my body completely and I felt so relieved because of that, just like if nothing had happened.

Damian kissed my neck and helped me get up. My chest hurt for a moment and then it stopped.

\- It was like I didn't saw the sunlight for years. - Wind was blowing through the trees slowly while the rays of sun were guiding us to his car. The mansion seemed to have been destroyed years ago, just like if it was the place of an epic battle, I just can't remember what happened here. The heat in my skin was triggering a funny reaction. I tried to not smile like a silly kid, but I didn't disguise well enough.

\- Your mother called me several times this morning. She spoiled your surprise. I'm sorry.

I didn't care and kept on smiling.

We got into his car and went back to Gotham. I was able to see the entire town from here, it seemed so small now.

\- From all the shithouses you could pick in the world, you had to come here. - Damian was complaining by my side. I rolled my eyes up while I was watching the forest by my window. I saw some birds flying together and wanted to take some pics.

\- I still can't get over the nightmare. What do you think we should do? - I was asking like if Damian had all the answers in the world. He looked at me quickly and put his hand on my leg.

\- We should be grateful we survived all of our adventures, both real and imaginary.

\- What if I'm still caught inside a dream?

Damian smiled ironically. 

\- No dream is ever only a dream. What matters is that now we are awake.

I shrugged and kept on watching the city's natural landscape.

\- Katarina's ready for our movie night tonight. Can I call Kathy and Colin?

\- Sure. 

\- Won't you tell me more about your nightmare?  
\- I can't recall anything else. - I yawned. - But I'm glad everything's over.

\- I hope I don't have to deal with another insomnia breakdown again. Your father said he's worried about this. - Damian stopped the car and looked at me. We were alone on the road, except for a few trucks that eventually passed by us. - I'm too, Jon. You were too far away from reality these days, trapped in your own world.

I turned myself to look at him.

\- It's alright now. I feel that I'm wide awake. - I didn't let him to go on talking because I knew we would be a long time like this. I pulled him for a wet kiss and took his hands to my hips.

A lightning bolt just stuck somewhere out there, but that didn't startle me, we just got deeper into it.

Everything's alright now.

THE  
END

The first kiss to eternity

\- D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone, for reading my little fanfic here. All the kudos, all the commenters and all the shy readers. From now on, I'll be writing more Life Is Strange 2 centred fanfics, so if someone's a fan of LiS, feel free to read my other work too!


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